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To want to do the favour on my terms?

96 replies

fairynick · 23/03/2021 13:54

DSis asked me to do her a tech-related favour. I don’t want to say what because it’s weirdly specific and outing, but let’s say she doesn’t know how to work Amazon and wants me to order an item for her. The task will take 5 mins.
I’ve texted her back saying “of course that’s not a problem, I finish my lunch at 2pm so if you send it over by then then I’ll take a look”. She replied saying that she’s busy now so it will have to be tonight.
I have a couple of errands to run tonight so probably won’t sit down until about 8pm, which still would obviously give me time to do the favour but in all honesty I just can’t be arsed and hate knowing that there’s other things to do at the end of the day before I can relax.
I texted DSis back saying I’m quite busy tonight so don’t want to add another task to the list and I’m having to go into the office tomorrow out the house 7-7 so I’m fine taking a look and helping her but it’ll have to be either before 2pm today or Thursday.
I then received a barrage of texts along the lines of “it’s only two fucking minutes so just do it tonight you’re a nasty bitch can’t believe how fucking nasty you’re being ill never ask you for anything ever again”.

YABU - it’s a two minute job, just do it
YANBU - you’re the one doing the favour, it’s fine to set your own terms

OP posts:
WonkyCactus · 23/03/2021 14:47

Sorry, 5 minutes.

Dobbyafreeelf · 23/03/2021 14:50

She's out of order for speaking to you like that but tbh I'm not sure you behaved much better. 8pm is not late to do a short task you had agreed to do. It comes across as a power play and you being difficult for the sake of it.

diddl · 23/03/2021 14:52

I'd probably have done it tonight just to get it done tbh.

But I wouldn't be doing it at all now.

I couldn't come back from this-
“it’s only two fucking minutes so just do it tonight you’re a nasty bitch can’t believe how fucking nasty you’re being ill never ask you for anything ever again”

What can she possibly say that would ever make that ok?

And if that's what she thinks-well, she won't be wanting anything to do with you again anyway will she?

EL8888 · 23/03/2021 14:54

YANBU. You are doing the favour, she isn’t doing you a favour. Is she always so rude, abusive and demanding? I would literally do nothing now

diddl · 23/03/2021 14:57

I agree that Op is doing the favour & should decide when.

I think I might be put out if my sibling couldn't find 5mins before Thursday to do me a favour though.

But I wouldn't have worded it how Op's sister did!

Residenthere · 23/03/2021 14:58

No way would I help her! How dare she speak to you like that?

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 23/03/2021 14:58

Quite the wordsmith your SIL I can see how that’d be compelling words
Frankly after her outburst no,I’d not do her a favour

Jaxhog · 23/03/2021 14:59


If I were sent a text like that, hell would freeze over twice before I would help her with anything.

Me either!
babynov · 23/03/2021 15:01

She is clearly unreasonable to be so rude (and unhinged?) but it sounds like you are hard work by trying to out busy her / not able to cope with doing a 5 minute task at the end of the day. I would think you were being annoying responding like that.

If you are always like that it might be a build up of frustration - not that it makes it acceptable.

Do you secretly hate each other?

QuizzlyBear · 23/03/2021 15:07

Once somebody who asked me for a favour starts calling me a bitch for not doing it to her timetable, she can get to fuck! Rude cow.

TheOrigRights · 23/03/2021 15:09

Well I would have just agreed to do it at any time, so the subsequent exchange would not have happened.

But since you didn't and that's how she responded then YANBU

HedgeOwl · 23/03/2021 15:12

YANBU. No one should talk to you like that about anything!

luxxlisbon · 23/03/2021 15:12

I think you were being a bit precious telling her it was either this second or Thursday when it would have taken 2 mins to order the item. That aside I don't think anyone would suggest your sister's text was remotely reasonable and I'm struggling to understand what normal person would even say that.

mynewbeamer · 23/03/2021 15:16

it depends a bit on what "busy" meant. Busy watching netflix or busy doing something difficult and important and urgent?

mynewbeamer · 23/03/2021 15:17

but whichever it was, when you said no, it isn't ok for her to talk to you like that, it is abusive as far as I am concerned.

eminem120176 · 23/03/2021 15:18

The fact you've spent the time writing this post rather than just doing it amazes me. On the other hand I'd have told her to fuck off if I was spoken to like that

oldshoeuk · 23/03/2021 15:19

It's not hard to agree with everyone, but yes if it's out of character I would worry if there are other pressures going on and she maybe needs your help for something totally different.

If it was a loose friend who did this to me they would be on very thin ice, for family I think maybe I would chuck an olive branch and see if this was part of a bigger problem. I wouldn't loose family over this, but yes she was 100% wrong.

IsThisJustLife · 23/03/2021 15:20

The upshot seems to be that she's never asking you for anything ever again, so that's a result.

However. She's being very rude. She should either wait patiently or work it out for herself. I might possibly ask her later if she's OK if it's out of character.

mogtheexcellent · 23/03/2021 15:22


Its just another thing on the mental load. I'm stupidly busy atm with sick child and work and I cant take any more additions at the moment and DH wants me to do something similar but it will have to wait until I'm free or ask his parents or, even better, learn to do it himself.

spaceghetto · 23/03/2021 15:23

Her response was rude but I think you were being awkward too. It's only 5 mins, this could have all be avoided!

EL8888 · 23/03/2021 15:27

@mogtheexcellent l agree. I have lists coming out of my ears -lm about to do ivf, trying to move house, work is busy etc. I don’t need more items on the to do list!

Mamamamasaurus · 23/03/2021 15:27

What can possibly be SO urgent that she needs it done NOW but she can't possibly do it herself!!?? Is there a reason she can't actually do it herself, or work out how to do it?

BLToutanowhere · 23/03/2021 15:27

If a man had have answered like this it would be flaming torches and pitchforks time.

jessstan2 · 23/03/2021 15:28

Your friend was certainly rude, I can only presume she is anxious about getting this item.

However you could have done her order for her in the time it took you to write the opening post.

blowonitthen · 23/03/2021 15:30

The only person who has ever spoken to me like that was my ExH when we were going through a divorce and he was in the angry phase. I find it hard to comprehend someone talking to a family member this way about a small favour.

That said, I would have found time for it before Thursday...probably not now though.

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