AIBU that my partner is high at 10:30am?

[Bubblyliquid]

When we met three years ago he didn't smoke at all. Two years ago it started becoming a 'thing'. We had quite a few disagreements as I didn't want to be going out with him when he'd be stinking of the stuff (I mean, before going shopping or going out for a meal he'd have to have a joint).

It's got to the point from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed he's smoking. He's got a new job after being redundant last year so we're not able to say if he's able to hold it down or not.

He says that it's normal that most people smoke it.. nothing to be embarrassed over.

He's an addict. He'll never put your relationship first. Leave.

@RizzleRazzle she’s 15

@MissyMoooo And of course he could do a lot worse things. He’s not snorting coke or gambling our money away and he’s not a violent abuser like my ex was.

I’m sorry you find yourself in a situation where this is the kind of low standards you set for a partner. Smoking weed day and night would be an absolute deal breaker for me as would any kind of addiction. I’m glad he doesn’t drive and also glad you have gotten away from your awful ex.

@MissyMoooo

OP my DH has been a smoker for 30 years, we have been together for 20. He is the kindest person I have ever known. He is a great father and husband, he does most of the housework and cooking and holds down a full time job (same for job for 25 years) He never drinks alcohol. Weed is not the devil, it is legal in many parts of the world. He smokes it from morning to night. Always outside and never in front of my DD. There are worst things he could do (sorry I know my opinion will be an unpopular one but honestly it doesn’t make him a bad person and I wouldn’t dream of leaving for him smoking weed!) He has never taken anything harder than weed.

Like I said upthread, I love a spliff, but it's honestly not normal to smoke all day every day. It's not tobacco, it has an effect on you. Would you be ok with him getting up and drinking all day?

[quote MissyMoooo]@RizzleRazzle she’s 15[/quote]
But he's been smoking for 30 years, so was he not high when caring for her when she was a child if he smokes morning til night?

Voted YABU by mistake.
He sounds like a loser - dump him before he drags you down too.

No this is not normal op...set the bar higher than living with a drug addict. As for @MissyMoooo... I've no words...

@MissyMoooo

OP my DH has been a smoker for 30 years, we have been together for 20. He is the kindest person I have ever known. He is a great father and husband, he does most of the housework and cooking and holds down a full time job (same for job for 25 years) He never drinks alcohol. Weed is not the devil, it is legal in many parts of the world. He smokes it from morning to night. Always outside and never in front of my DD. There are worst things he could do (sorry I know my opinion will be an unpopular one but honestly it doesn’t make him a bad person and I wouldn’t dream of leaving for him smoking weed!) He has never taken anything harder than weed.

Please keep an eye on him!

My SIL was much the same. Normalised it, only hid it because it was illegal, held down a job, relationship etc etc.

Now, at 57 she is an anxious, medicated, out of work, hollow shell of the women she used to be! Her metal health is utterly shot, her underlying health is getting poorer and she hides from the world.

Hers is not an unusual outcome!

Same as @SeenYourArse

Of course everyone doesn't do it!

It's not at all normal OP. I know a fair few fully functioning adults who enjoy a joint but it's occasional, maybe one or two at the weekend.

Smoking all day every day isn't what 'everyone' does at all.

If he thinks that it is normal to us dope, then he is deluded. I know a lot of people use it, but it's still not normal. I would imagine, that his new employer would not be enthralled,if he turns up at work, stinking of cannabis, and using cannabis a lot, people tend to lose incentive about work, and daily goings on..Plus. throwing money away, that they have earned.

In my local pub, before they shut down last year, three guys got banned from the pub for three months, because,although they did not smoke cannabis in the pub, they stank of the stuff, when they came in, as they had been smoking weed on the way to the pub.

Apparently everyone smokes it

Aye, they don't.

Get rid. 🏃‍♀️

DH and his friends were all like this in their teens. DH worked hard to move on and stopped using it entirely when he was 21, he hasn’t touched it since. One of his friends is a father of two but he still hasn’t moved on from this phase and he smokes every single day, tells everyone about it like it’s a cool thing to do when you have children... My DH thinks it’s grim, as do I.

There comes a point in life where it’s just not cool to sit around smoking weed pretending you’re 18 years old. He’s an addict and if I were you I’d leave, it won’t get any better unless he wants it to.

Heavy long term marijuana use causes physical and cognitive problems. My sister has smoked for 40 years; she has lost 50 IQ points; she was a National Merit Scholar. She is very paranoid, and an alcoholic as well. Leave this guy sparpish.

That would be a deal breaker for me - you will always come second to it

But, but, but...the OP wrote that he doesn't watch cartoons!
Cut him some slack, people!

@MissyMoooo Your standards for what you want in a husband and a father are exceptionally low.

You chose a drug addict to have children with. You left a drug addict in charge of your children. If I knew you, and knew you were so neglectful in this way, I would be immediately reporting to social services and you are lucky nobody has done yet.

He sounds like bad news. Take it from someone who married a functioning alcoholic (didn't know until after wedding) that it is a downhill path - whatever the addiction. Good Luck.

Yanbu, smoking weed is so pathetic and no not everybody does it. Rather than LTB I’ll say BTL - bin the loser!

There is no way a 15yo is oblivious to his habit, whether he smokes in front of her or not. You turning a blind eye normalises it. When and why did you let him move in? It clearly is now a problem for you, be it time, cost, smell, behaviour. Do you and your dd a favour and get rid.

What do you get from this relationship now? What’s stopping you just dumping him??

He says that it's normal that most people smoke it.. nothing to be embarrassed over. no it really, really isn’t.

You need to raise your standards.

Oh think got confused re another posters dd! Comment still stands though. If he had behaved like this when you met him would he still be your dp? Is his "being nice" a diversion tactic?