AIBU that my partner is high at 10:30am?

[Bubblyliquid]

When we met three years ago he didn't smoke at all. Two years ago it started becoming a 'thing'. We had quite a few disagreements as I didn't want to be going out with him when he'd be stinking of the stuff (I mean, before going shopping or going out for a meal he'd have to have a joint).

It's got to the point from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed he's smoking. He's got a new job after being redundant last year so we're not able to say if he's able to hold it down or not.

He says that it's normal that most people smoke it.. nothing to be embarrassed over.

I don’t think I could manage with a partner who was high all day. And I’d be worried about it affecting his work, and possibly income etc.

Yanbu,you know that.
He is an addict,they find excuses,they lie,they steal and it's never their fault.
It is your decision if you want to stay with him,he clearly has no intention of quitting.the opposite is likely to happen and the weed will not be enough and he starts on stronger drugs and from there it's a downward spiral until he wants to stop.
You need to think of your future and what you want in it.

How is he going to hold down a job stinking of weed?

@AnneLovesGilbert

He’s an addict. Break up with him.

I can speak from experience. Had an on-again-off-again relationship with a weed-addict when I was young. I wish we had stayed broken up the first time around.

Even if he wasn't in denial about it, this won't get better any time soon.

YANBU - He should observe the 420 rule.

Do yourself a favour and break up with him.

Why are you with this person? How can you like someone like that?

He’s being unreasonable...you are not.

Each to their own but I wouldn’t want to be with someone that’s high at all...let alone at 10.30am. Nor would I want to be with someone that stinks of weed...cause that stuff stinks and it clings to your hair, clothes etc and it’s vile.

I’d be moving on if I were you OP

Although most people don't get addicted to weed and can dip in and out of recreational use, some cannot. Cannabis is the second most common thing that people present with at addiction services (after heroin). Needing to smoke first thing, quantity of it, everything suggest he's addicted and couldn't go without it at all.

I don't get why you are even staying the rest of the day with him, let alone the rest of your life as this would be an absolute deal-breaker for me, no ifs no buts, but something is keeping you there, I'm not sure what it is as he sounds awful- is he going to be stoned in his new job?

OP I went out with a stoner and (not all) but a lot of them are so boring. Especially if you don't smoke too. I got fed up of him having no motivation, loosing his temper if he couldn't get any, always having to have one so delaying things if we ever were going to go out and all his stoner mates who were around all the time. It was so tedious and he was always skint.

Needless to say, we broke up very quickly. Honestly? I would leave if I were you.

Nah, that'd be a no from me. I've no issue with recreational weed use but just the same as I wouldn't want someone to drink all day every day, or in the morning, that's not cool.

Hope he's not driving.

You can do better than this loser

Yabu to accept living with a druggie...

Definitely not being unreasonable and I hope you don't have kids for both your sakes. If social get involved there will be hell to go through

My neighbours door on the front doorstep every morning at 8am smoking weed, and are out there constantly (they don't smoke in the house because of the small children, who are sat on the doorstep from them when they are outside smoking ). I couldn't live like that. It's bad enough not being able to open our windows without getting a waft of it from them, so it must be even worse if your dp smokes it in the house. And that's before the concerns about paranoia, impaired judgement at work, and the cost.

Stoners - cool when you're 18, not so much when you grow up.

OP my DH has been a smoker for 30 years, we have been together for 20. He is the kindest person I have ever known. He is a great father and husband, he does most of the housework and cooking and holds down a full time job (same for job for 25 years) He never drinks alcohol. Weed is not the devil, it is legal in many parts of the world. He smokes it from morning to night. Always outside and never in front of my DD. There are worst things he could do (sorry I know my opinion will be an unpopular one but honestly it doesn’t make him a bad person and I wouldn’t dream of leaving for him smoking weed!) He has never taken anything harder than weed.

YANBU. It’s not normal and you need to get rid of him.

You should have binned him the very first time you caught him doing it. Nobody wants to be with an irresponsible, immoral layabout.

Always outside and never in front of my DD.

MissyMoooo If you don’t think there’s anything wrong with it why does he do it outside and hide it from your kid? It’s normal and healthy, right?

Oh no wait, it isn’t. That’s why he hides it

Shame on him for setting such a poor example for your child.

It's not my normal or the normal of anyone that I know.

Doesn't really matter what he thinks or how he tries to justify it.

If you don't like it then leave.

@MissyMoooo alcohol is legal but only addicts drink it all day and all night and while working.

You say your DH is a kind person but have you ever spent time with him when he hasn’t been mentally impaired through his drug habit? I wonder if he would be ‘the kindest person you know’ if he was sober.

As for ‘there are worst things he could do’ - what a low bar for a relationship.

@MissyMoooo I also really hope your DH doesn’t drive as if he does he is endangering the lives of everyone in the car with him and those around him.

He only hides it because it’s illegal. He doesn’t drive. I knew I would get flamed for this but I wanted to give an opinion from my side to the OP. I have spent lots of time with him when he isn’t smoking for example going on holiday for 2 weeks at a time abroad where he doesn’t have access to it. He’s still the nicest kindest person I know. And of course he could do a lot worse things. He’s not snorting coke or gambling our money away and he’s not a violent abuser like my ex was.

@MissyMoooo

OP my DH has been a smoker for 30 years, we have been together for 20. He is the kindest person I have ever known. He is a great father and husband, he does most of the housework and cooking and holds down a full time job (same for job for 25 years) He never drinks alcohol. Weed is not the devil, it is legal in many parts of the world. He smokes it from morning to night. Always outside and never in front of my DD. There are worst things he could do (sorry I know my opinion will be an unpopular one but honestly it doesn’t make him a bad person and I wouldn’t dream of leaving for him smoking weed!) He has never taken anything harder than weed.

If he smokes morning to night does that mean he's under the influence when caring for your DD?

OP my DH has been a smoker for 30 years, we have been together for 20. He is the kindest person I have ever known. He is a great father and husband, he does most of the housework and cooking and holds down a full time job (same for job for 25 years) He never drinks alcohol. Weed is not the devil, it is legal in many parts of the world. He smokes it from morning to night. Always outside and never in front of my DD. There are worst things he could do (sorry I know my opinion will be an unpopular one but honestly it doesn’t make him a bad person and I wouldn’t dream of leaving for him smoking weed!) He has never taken anything harder than weed.

And I can guarantee he is pissing off the neighbours, if you have any.