He can afford better than that. He’s got twice as much money as the asking price for that.
While that's true, it may be sensible to keep some money aside for future adaptations and care needs to be honest. Yea he's not elderly yet (but not far off), he's still working at the moment, many around this age quickly go downhill once they retire especially men, he's still in apparent good health and mobility - for the moment but within 10/15/20+ years that could change an awful lot, at this age things become a lot more unpredictable.
My mum retired at 60 and within 5 years for a variety of reasons her health and mobility had significantly deteriorated in unpredictable ways. I'm and ex hcp and I had expected certain things to be an issue but there were several instances of mum and I being blindsided by stuff that happened to her.
@CombatBarbie I agree especially as Skegness to midlands is really not that far! I'm guessing they only go to fil for Christmas and he pays for all food and booze! Aside from covid times I'd be expecting an adult child that close by to make it to visit their dad at least in major school holidays so at least 3 times a year, add in bank holidays and half terms maybe 4-5 times a year.
I think if fil coming over to discuss this you and dh need to plan what you're going to say
1 don't finger point, while there are dodgy machinations going on I don't think it will be helpful
2 focus on what's best for fil, what will be easiest and quickest for him and allow him to keep some independence
3 make positive suggestions, be clear you support his move to the coast but that there are other options available that are probably better and easier for him than the current plan
4 if you've a printer, print out some potential housing options you think he would like and suit his circumstances, myself and others have posted some links but you know the exact location
5 you say "near" Skegness, is sil family quite rural? Instead of having a go at her, maybe point out the likely realistic issues of living rurally as an older person -
i harder to act independently and so dependent on others for shopping etc
ii harder to meet others and make friends or otherwise socialise
iii harder to get out and about when the weathers bad
iv where are nhs resources? Would it take an ambulance a while to get there for example, is the gp hard to get to?
6 focus him on potential future needs - who is going to care for him if he becomes unwell? Sil likely won't be able to give up her job with a large mortgage and 2 small children which will also prevent her from being a full time carer. How easy/hard is it to find and hire good paid carers there
7 will this cabin be accessible and if so how? What about heating it? The east coast by the North Sea can be bloody freezing! Even in a cool summer. Sounds like a difficult type of building to insulate, if he's going to be paying for the heating that could be quite expensive
8 is he aware it will likely take a long time to get the current plan in place?
9 is he aware he may be liable for council tax for the cabin ?
If you prepare what you want to say AND also prepare answers to his potential questions that will likely keep the discussion calmer and more fact based which is more likely to keep him calm and to consider the potential pitfalls
Might be good to have some facts and figures re cost of building such a cabin, adaptation costs, care costs - age concern might have info on their site about care costs but they vary a lot by region, maybe lincs council have some info?
There just isn’t the room for this - they only live in a two bedroom house, with the children sharing one of the rooms.
Well sacrifices have to be made, how much space do you have? Seeing as you're saying rooms/space are having to be sacrificed at yours too. They could get a sofa bed for the living room and sil and partner sleep there - that's why my grandparents did to accommodate living with and caring for their parents. When my grandmother's were ill and needing care all their children and grandchildren worked out rotas when we stayed over and cared for them in their homes, there were relatives who were main carers which is important for continuation of care and somebody needs to be "in charge" but we recognised they needed a break too we all pulled together and sometimes that meant people sleeping on sofa beds, camp beds, even armchairs at times...
That's what you do.
I think it's only fair that maybe he stays with you for approx half this interim period and with them for half that time - surely that's only fair?
You guys not being able to stay with him when visiting him is another thing you can point out, there wouldn't be room, whereas if he had even a 2 bed place you can visit and stay with him loads, he can spend time with the kids etc
Encourage him to speak with a solicitor, financial advisor, age Uk, lincs council etc to find the info himself
I get the distinct impression the sil and partner think they can just fling up a glorified shed and expect him to live in it! There are regulations about constructions intended as permanent residences it takes AGES to work through them all, find someone to design and build it etc
Idea: does fil have a peer who is a practical, sensible sort who he respects and listens to? Perhaps someone at work or a neighbour or even his gp? Encourage him to mention this plan to them and I bet their horrified shaking their head reaction will prompt him to think twice! Even the solicitor who handled mil probate?
We almost all seem to think you have good reason to be concerned op. I'd be trying to find out if he's already committed to anything with sil - given her money or signed anything?
Your FIL is going to live with someone who it seems is willing to care for him til his time comes.
Where on earth are you getting that idea?! That's the last thing I'm sensing! I can well see sil and partner trying to parp fil onto op or into poor quality state care at the first bad flu he has!!
@Oioioioo from reading your post I think you've only read the 1st post - thread has moved WAY past that you need to at least read all of ops posts
The fact he lives in a cabin in the garden will likely raise big old flags when they look at his finances
Yep! They don't mess about on this stuff
@CaraherEIL I agree with - you could end up finding out tonight things are worse/messier than you think. I think there's a real possibility sil is in a mess financially (due to covid?) and fil has bailed her out - something shifty is going on. What's her partners job/industry?
Chill some beers/wine for later.
Do not do this, everyone needs a clear head for this discussion