Chucking plate and cup after eating

[Whenspringcomes]

Dd, 2, 8 is going through a phase of finishing her dinner and proceeding to chuck her plate and cup at me/on the floor. We’ve told her firmly, shouted (hate doing this) switched the tv off immediately if she’s been allowed to watch, kept her in the chair for longer afterwards so she’s not allowed to play because she’s throwing cutlery etc. Nothing works 🤷🏻‍♀️
Any suggestions of what to do/why she’s doing it? Is it a normal phase?

Sounds like she's in one of those mental toddler phases that will stop as suddenly as it arrived! I'd take all throwable items away for a week if it were me, and then try them again.

I don't think it makes you sound like a crap mum. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I think you're making it into a Thing about formal dining vs relaxed eating. I think children are very quick to understand contextual differences like that, and it has nothing to do with her lobbing her plate around.

@PerspicaciousGreen No I was just trying to explain on here, where we eat, I think we have a different set up to others perhaps or I’m a bit confused

@notanothertakeaway We’re sat right next to her and chatting away to her so I don’t think it’s about attention, I’m not sure..it’s a recent thing and she’s showing testing behaviour not just at the table but it other ways too, it just stands out more there as I find it so rife that I’ll prepare lovely food, she eats it and then just decides to fling her plate and cup around and often over near us. I think is an impulse thing as she just seems so sort of hyper at the moment and doing a few things on impulse and generally becoming ‘Naughty’ and doing what she’s not supposed to, it’s just a lot! Exhausting at the moment

I didn't realise this was a 'thing' until a bit ago when I was saying a two year old who is usually reasonably good did this and the person said oh yes so and so does that too. I think it's nothing to worry or fret about and give a plastic plate and say no in a disapproving voice but don't make a fuss.

[quote Whenspringcomes]@PerspicaciousGreen No I was just trying to explain on here, where we eat, I think we have a different set up to others perhaps or I’m a bit confused[/quote]
I understood what you are saying.

I'm glad you all sit together for meals, it's good to start that from an early age. 28 isn't too young :-).

I've no idea how to stop your daughter throwing her plate and cup except what you are already doing. She will outgrow it by 30 I'm sure.

You sound very far from being a crap mum.

Take the plate away from her as soon as she finishes so there's no chance to throw it. Same with the cup. After a few days, leave it a little longer. And so on until the pattern is changed.

Stop doubting yourself over the eating arrangements!
I'd ditch the high chair.
And focus on not reacting to the behaviour.
She will soon stop when she stop getting the reaction.
Or you can give her something positive to do, when she has finished. Take her plate through to the kitchen and reward her for doing that (sticker or something?)

Either whip the plate away at last bite & foil her plan (without negotiating) or totally ignore her. Or as someone said above, I'd use the dessert as a bribe too...but I would stick to it, absolutely no way would she get it if any plate or cutlery ended up on the floor.

My two year and 8 month old is in a high chair, and I have no intention of changing that! He’s too little to sit on a proper chair with a booster. Well that’s what I think, anyway. He’s fine.

My DC were throwing plates and it was driving me crazy despite my best attempts at not looking bothered. I tried holding my own plate up and saying all done and then overly praising them when they copied and they’ve picked that up now.

Mine did this but stopped when she moved from high chair to raised toddler chair...you dd will grow out of it, tbh I wouldn’t make a huge issue of it but would calmly help her to pick it up and put it back on the table

My son carried on doing that until I stopped putting him in the chair (age 3 - he was big, but so messy that I avoided taking him out. He didn't seem to mind). But yes. He moved and either sits at the table or he eats on the sofa with his sister. He has proper big plates etc and has not ever thrown one of those.

Since you have tried different things that aren’t working I would try ignoring it. Just pick up the plate/cup and place them in the sink /dishwasher without looking or acknowledging what she has done. If there is no response and everyone needs to be on the same page for this then hopefully she will stop doing it. You need to follow through for about a week or more not giving in after a few times.

Agree with those who suggest swiping her plate/cup as soon as she has finished, OP. It's a phase, and she'll grow out of it.

I would absolutely not, ever, have the TV on while anyone is eating, though.

I am aware that things are generally a bit different now from when my DC were small (15+ years ago), but what worked well on the whole was that we all sit at the table together and all eat. If someone leaves the table to faff around, their meal has finished. No drama about it, though.

If young children think that anything is negotiable, they will try to negotiate in their toddlerish way. Best not to give them the chance with things that matter (for me, the non-negotiables were eating at the table in a reasonably sensible manner, without hopping up and down and generally being a PITA, and going to bed without a fuss).

2 year olds are a law unto themselves. The more attention you give this, the more she’ll do it.

Also agree with PP who suggest just taking the 'thrown' items away, if you don't want to go down the 'removing her from the table because she has obviously finished, if she's throwing things' route.

I also meant to say that shouting at a toddler is worse than useless. It will not make them comply, and it will just wind you up. Shouting never, ever gets results.

@NextDoorKnobber See I don’t understand this, why absolutely ever not have the tv on whilst eating? I’m fairly strict about most things, but my Dd is outdoors the majority of the day in nature and sunshine or playing or reading, perhaps listening to music, doing crafts..why would a small amount of tv in the morning whilst she’s having breakfast be I terrible 🤷🏻‍♀️

@NextDoorKnobber I agree and am not a shouter in general, she’s just been v v difficult recently and admittedly it’s been hard to keep me patience. Afterwards I feel so guilty about it.
I find it hard to go with the ignoring option although I understand how it works and would use it to n other instances. It just feels so wrong to not reprimand her when she’s doing something so obviously wrong and she knows it

It’s interesting as clearly shows how we all parent differently. I had a friend and her ds (same age as my Dd) around the other day and I felt inwardly shocked when she gave him a dummy. It just felt strange to me as my girl doesn’t have one and never really wanted one-I have no judgements about them, he just seemed too old to have one, probably because I’m not used to it with my girl. The same is probably true for the high chair thing, to me she fits in it easily and it’s just been a convenient place for her to be in her chair 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am trying to work out my objections to TV during mealtimes, @Whenspringcomes. I think it's essentially that I always saw (see) mealtimes as a time to talk to the people with whom you are eating. My own upbringing probably coloured my views - we never had the TV on while eating. It was never a debate: we just didn't. So I did the same with my own children (didn't even have a TV when they were younger, as it didn't cross my mind). My youngest DC is now nearly 17, and we still don't have screens at the table, as mealtimes are a sociable time (they are also the locus of about a million flounces, strops, meltdowns, tears, etc, etc, so I sometimes wish we could all just stare at a screen, as it would be easier and quieter!)

I'm sorry to have mentioned shouting. I do know it's difficult not to shout if you're not a genetically even-tempered person (as I happen to be: I don't think I've ever shouted at anyone in my entire life - but that's just the way I'm made). I can also see why you don't want to let bad behaviour just pass you by.

When mine were that age, I would have started with "we don't throw things at the table". If anyone had persisted, I'd have said that anyone who throws anything is instantly removed. It's also harder to do this kind of thing during Covid, but in normal times it's good to have something up your sleeve that they really want to do, but won't get to do if they throw plates and cups around. Preferably something involving sitting at a table and behaving properly - i.e. a cafe/restaurant, or even just visiting Granny/a friend, as it's then a 'natural consequence'. As I say, though, that's hard at the moment!

All sounds so normal so far you just need to thwart her!, be quicker than her, if she beats you to it, just pick up the plate and ignore, ignore, ignore - change the subject, talk to her about something totally random and nothing to do with food or good behaviour, with no reaction she will find some other way to try and wind you up!

Oh, and @Whenspringcomes, my DC were in their Tripp Trapps until they were older than your daughter is now (albeit without the baby bars)!

Why is your almost 3 year old still in a highchair? Treat her like a baby and she'll behave like one.
Get her a chair that allows her to sit comfortably at the table that's suitable for her age (IKEA do some great ones). Give her proper crockery and proper metal cutlery (child sized). Tell her that's she's a big girl now and can eat nicely at the table. Sit with her (preferably eating at the same time) to model proper behaviour at the table. Praise her A LOT when she behaves nicely.