Chucking plate and cup after eating

[Whenspringcomes]

Dd, 2, 8 is going through a phase of finishing her dinner and proceeding to chuck her plate and cup at me/on the floor. We’ve told her firmly, shouted (hate doing this) switched the tv off immediately if she’s been allowed to watch, kept her in the chair for longer afterwards so she’s not allowed to play because she’s throwing cutlery etc. Nothing works 🤷🏻‍♀️
Any suggestions of what to do/why she’s doing it? Is it a normal phase?

@Bunnybigears Yeah, we’ve got the white table and chair from IKEA in the lounge which she uses for sitting and drawing at, I was thinking of moving it and having some meals there

Was anyone else reminded of Thor?

Firstly ditch the high chair, you are treating her like a younger child so she is behaving like one.
Secondly do sit down together to eat each meal with her. It may sound formal but it is basic parenting and they learn from example.
Thirdly if she chucks her plate ( not unusual fir a 2 year old) just pick it up, no comment, no big deal, she will soon tire of it.

You can time her meals and ask her if she's like to get down at the 15 minute mark.

Look for clues that she's getting weary of eating. She may start pushing her food around, squishing it, making swirls with her spoon, etc. Ask if she's done at that point.

Make leaving the table something she only does if you suggest it or if she asks you.

@NaturalStudy It’s only in the morning so she can watch breakfast CBeebies, ore covid we are out a lot so she’s used to sitting properly and understands (or did!) understand how to sit and eat properly at the table 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Minniem2020 Yes I definitely think it’s a testing thing as she’s started doing things in other areas and pushing her limits a bit?

@Bunnybigears Yeah, we’ve got the white table and chair from IKEA in the lounge which she uses for sitting and drawing at, I was thinking of moving it and having some meals there

Yes we don't have a dining table so they ate all their meals at that table but sometimes we would have a floor picnic as well. Blanket on the living room floor and have a picnic, if she is having more fun or something a little different she may get over the plate throwing.

@NoKnit Jesus Christ, really any need to write like that?

@Imissmoominmama 🤣She’d bloody love that

Sorry I've had 2 glasses of wine so more likely to speak my mind. However others have confirmed after my post that keeping her like a baby means she will act like one.

Honestly though I am shocked at an almost 3 year old being in a high chair

We have a Tripp Trapp high chair and love it for the feeling that DS(2y11m) is eating at the table with us while him still being up at a proper height. We got it for £50 on eBay. He can climb up and down on the footplate but not just plop on and off it. We let him get down whenever he's finished and if he comes back while we're still eating he can get back up again, but if he's got down and we finish then we clear everything away and no more for him.

Anyway, not really the solution, sooooo...

We've gone through a few food-dropping phases. I would recommend one or more of:

1. Giving her something really specific to do when she's finished. Like "When you've finished, push your plate away". Remind her before and during every meal.
2. Watch her like a hawk and remove it before she get the chance to throw it. You probably get a sense of when it's about to happen. Just whisk it away with a smile.
3. Remove cutlery and crockery privileges as far as possible. Give her a few bits of food at a time on the tray like a baby. Don't mention why or tell her it's a punishment. If she asks, just say breezily, "Girls who throw plates don't get them. You can try a plate again next week." Then change the subject.
4. Grit your teeth and plough through it.
5. Have a biscuit or something out on the table in front of her that she gets in exchange for nicely handing over her plate and cup when she's finished the rest. Might cause more problems than it solves, though!

@LockdownIsDragging Yes we’ve always all eaten together, she never eats alone, she was used to cafes and restaurants before covid so is (well, was) really good at it all. In the morning she’s allowed to watch some breakfast tv whilst I’m sat next to her.
We don’t have a breakfast/kitchen table but have our table outside (in another country so is used more than putting one in the kitchen) and we have the dining room table 🤔 seems a bit much to sit there for every meal, I think I’ll use her own little table and chair for breakfast, maybe lunch outside then dinner at the dining table.

Also, I'm not sure what's so formal about sitting at the table? Where else would you eat? We have all our meals and snacks at the table. If you're eating somewhere else (the sofa?) then you can have different rules for table eating and sofa eating, but you still have rules.

And +1 to the PP who says to make her clean it up! During, er, difficult periods, I've had success holding DS's hand and leading him to the thing I want him to clean up and physically putting his hand on it and closing his fingers round it. All while he whines, but once he's got started he'll often carry on. And if he doesn't, I just get him to clean up a few bits then finish off myself. We let him "clean" with cleaning cloths and "sweep" with a toddler broom and he often quite likes it.

@NoKnit I don’t think it’s massively shocking to be sat in her chair 🤷🏻‍♀️but perhaps I have left her in the chair too long, have had no issues up until now and she’s sat independently at the table before and had carpet picnics etc to mix it up.

I wouldn't have the TV on at mealtimes.

@PerspicaciousGreen Our main dining table just seems fairly formal to eat every meal at, we generally just have dinner there and lunch etc on the outside table 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't think it's a problem to have her sat in a high chair next to the table and for her to be fully participating in a family meal, just sat in a different kind of chair. I do think it would be a problem to corral her separately in a corner and have her eat while you do other stuff. It ain't the high chair, it's the way that you use it!

Just saw your thing about Cbeebies vs "formal" sitting at the table. I don't think sitting at a table to eat is formal! I mean, it's not like we're having three course silver service with candelabra and napkins for a simple breakfast - just bums in chairs at regular old table. Normal plates, normal cutlery, oilcloth tablecloth.

@PerspicaciousGreen Yeah, I’ve said to her so many times to gently pass me the plate/tell me she’s finished and she did do that for ages and all was good, then recently she’s just started lobbing things 😬
We throw balls lots in the garden and she always says ‘You only throw balls’ well yes, daughter, stop throwing everything else then 🙈

[quote Whenspringcomes]@PerspicaciousGreen Our main dining table just seems fairly formal to eat every meal at, we generally just have dinner there and lunch etc on the outside table 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
So you do sit her in a chair at a table to eat, just not at the same one every meal. Don't see what the big deal is there and how sitting at one table is "formal" and sitting at another isn't? Surely the same basic rules apply. I expect my toddler to behave the same if we eat at our garden table (except for needing a bit more help reaching maybe because he's not at a proper height on the outside chairs).

@PerspicaciousGreen No as I’ve said, she’s always sat with us. Not firman exactly but our dining table is just not somewhere we sit to have breakfast, it’s quite a relaxed time, we sit outside now it’s nicer or as I say as a treat for mornings, she can watch some tv

Sounds like she’s doing it for attention. I’d just completely ignore her. Don’t even pick them up until she’s finished and left the room. Keep talking to your dh/other dc’s or whatever and show no reaction. She’ll soon get bored!

Come to think of it, sometimes we'll have a snack on the sofa and I still have the same rules:

1. Food is eaten sitting down properly with no wandering around.
2. Ask for help rather than just bursting into tears*.
3. Food is on your plate, on your fork/spoon/in your hands, or in your mouth - nowhere else.
4. If you get down and the grown ups finish, the meal is over.

*This is an endless task.

I think those cover everything for us, really. We are trying to teach them to our 1yo who is a proper little savage, but that's another story...

Could you write down a few rules and post them in front of her? Or draw a picture? I know she can't read, but DS takes things written down very seriously and will have me read them out to him multiple times. I can't remember what we did it for, but I got it from How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen and thought it sounded a bit stupid but was well impressed with the results.

Probably a silly question but do you require her to pick it up and tidy it up herself?

@PerspicaciousGreen I do expect her to behave the same. We don’t use our main dining table for breakfast is all I’m saying 🙈
In the mornings she’s in her chair and allowed to sit and watch CBeebies, I sit next to her on the sofa, I’m on the sofa, she’s next to me in her chair. Breakfast is very relaxed and not a sit round the table thing mainly, but we will sit round the outside table in the garden now it’s starting to get warmer,

Perhaps I am a really crap mum to allow that in the mornings, but it’s suited us well up to now and she’s been really happy, it gives me a chance to sit peacefully and wake up properly to start the day (I’m suffering with long covid since March) so it’s been a god send to do it this way in the mornings. That’s what I mean by less formal I suppose but I’m guessing this is going to win me a worst mother of the year award by the sounds of it

Suggest you sit together at the table, eat together, no tv

I wonder If she is trying to get attention?