During Xmas I discussed with Sil what to buy her child for Xmas . I told her I didn’t want to buy her just anything because as she’s growing (9YO) she has a certain style and interests which I’m not familiar with.
Sil immediately said, please don’t buy her anything but take her shopping for something she wants.
Today SIL sent a message telling her brother (DH) how do you think my child feels ? Your wife has gone back on her promise.
There is a long history with SIL. Her self worth is based upon whether people around her give into her demands and do as they’re told and if your opinion differs then a war of words begins.
Your love for her is measured by whether you’re able to visit her often, but her gifts to make her feel loved and take her out to dinner. If you don’t do those things then she will pull you upon how much you don’t care about her.
I’ve always stood my ground but respectfully. I just won’t give in. I’ve never given in into anyone if their attitude is used as control and power over your life.
The simple answer to my SILs dilemma is, the shops aren’t over due to the global pandemic. Nothing more to it really.
I would buy said child something online but the original conversation was around taking the child out shopping. I’m happy to buy child something online now but then I could have just done that at Christmas. The reason I didn’t is because the child has her own style. Something I understand because I’m the same!!!! It’s so much easier to take her out and let her choose!
I explained this to DH and he agreed wholeheartedly without question. Whilst I’m not close to the child I do really enjoy her company. She’s wacky and cool and makes me laugh and DH can see this. She’s only kept at arms length because it’s not possible to have a relationship with her without SIL making demands and throwing tantrums.
I mentioned to DH it seems that our love for her daughter is now starting to be measured just like our love for her is being measured by what we do for her.
DH responded simply by saying it will happen soon but he didn’t say anything about it being because shops aren’t open which is slightly annoying but I can forgive him for failing to mention that. He tries to remain neutral as much as possible as I do.
Also if we explained the reason he said no doubt she’s so emotionally unstable right now she’ll find another reason to be angry and it’ll just spiral out and become a slanging match.
It’s been almost a year now where we’ve learnt to listen and not put her right factually because it ends up with dragging the past up about how she feels about how we treated her . And by that I mean not giving into her demands.
I feel a bit frustrated. I know not to say anything. The less we say the less longer her anger will last. The more we say the longer her anger will last.
The last time I saw the child we were laughing and joking and being dorky. It’s just so fun.
I really despise the fact that SIL holds onto every little thing we do or don’t do.
It’s upset me a little and I’ve had a cry. But I’m okay now. I just feel anxious again.