To resent the last 8 months of being a taxi service to husband

[exhaustedangryegg]

My husband lost his driving job due to a drink driving offence last year. (I'm still resentful to this and incredibly angry)
for 4 months we had no income except my evening work (I work 8pm-1am doing translation work). after 4 months he managed to find a job which was quite a drive away, I also found out I was pregnant and luckily the same day I passed my driving test.
A few days after he started the job and I started to drop him off and pick him up as it is quite a while away but every other job he applied for obviously didn't want him so he couldn't turn this only job down.

The problem is, I had my toddler in a great routine in bed at 7pm, just in time to clean up and start work. Because of his work, he starts at 3pm and finishes at 11pm. So my dd routine got completely messed up (she doesn't nap) and she would basically stay awake until we pick him up, then when we get home, she goes to sleep and wakes up the next day after around 11 hours.
My work has suffered massively due to the fact it's impossible to do anything with dd up. I have to have earphones in and listen to long documents so basically as soon as I put dd in bed around 12 at night, I basically have to rush my work for a hour, or end up working extra few hours.
I'm also 8 months pregnant, so this has been going on throughout the whole of my pregnancy.

I'm literally exhausted, I have had no alone time in 8 months, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I am busy/pre occupied, driving around, trying to work/entertain dd and I am seriously starting to resent my husband for putting me through this, he gets his license back next month, a few weeks before my c section so he just says "Oh well you have a few weeks to Get some alone evening time and dd back in her normal routine" and he completely dismisses my feelings, and thinks its just pregnancy hormones making me feel like this.

Even my mum thinks I'm over reacting and just have to get on with it with dd in the evenings, but I'm like, for a good 2 years, I had her in an amazing routine, her behaviour was fine but it's all gone to pots, she's living in a constant state of over tiredness and has became aggressive but I'm the only one dealing with this, swell as dealing with gestational diabetes and everything else.

I' think I'm just angry that I know I'm going to have my hands full and this was supposed to be my only bit of respite before I have a newborn and it's just been chaotic, I literally am starting to snap at my dd for everything normal because I'm losing my patience.

I don't even know what my AIBU is, probably AIBU to want a divorce I don't know, I'm just so resentful towards him and when I look at him, I just feel anger.

That sounds tough. Is there a reason why he can’t look after kid in the day and you can work earlier? Your job is important if your set hours are 8pm-1am then you can’t be leaving hours off to collect and then get child in bed.

How are you going to do this with a newborn also?

I would be pretty angry too. He should be taking your dad during the day when he isn't working to give you time to work or rest then.

I can see the difficulty and appreciate the problem, but what do you think a good solution is? It would seem he has to go to work, I assume it's not a bikeable/walkable distance. I assume you have to work as well (I guess due to finances). But what's a better solution? It's hard to see from your OP.

Can he get a push bike?

I wouldn’t want to stay with him either op. His judgement is very flawed to put it mildly and it’s you and your child who have suffered. I couldn’t get past it.

My exh got done for dd.... I filed for divorce the same week.

He gets his license back next month, so I won't need to do the dropping/picking up thankfully.

and good question, he sleeps in until like 2pm, then just showers, eats and then I take him to work.

You both go bed same time and he stays bed till 2pm and works at 3? Or does he stay up playing games till early hours?

At what point does he intend to be a husband or father?

How far away is it?

I would stop altogether. Fuck him. His fault that he lost his license, not your problem. Tell him you will no longer be his taxi. YANBU.

Sorry why does he sleep until 2pm?

@exhaustedangryegg

He gets his license back next month, so I won't need to do the dropping/picking up thankfully.

and good question, he sleeps in until like 2pm, then just showers, eats and then I take him to work.

Wtf He needs to start getting up by 9am and help you in the mornings. I take it there is no option for you to do your work in the morning and get him to look after the toddler? What time do you get up? 6/7? And he does nothing to help at all?

This is pretty rubbish, I think the drive issue is the least of your worries. In the meantime can you get a childcare bubble to help you with your toddler in the evenings?

why does he sleep in until 2pm? Why cant he get up in the mornings and see to your DD to give you a rest if you are working very late at night? 11pm isnt that late a night to get in , grab a bite to eat and head to bed, even if he doesnt go until 12:30/1am how much sleep does he need? its not exactly a night shift he is doing at work. I'd be very angry at the inbalance, which seems like it will continue when he gets his licence back too.

Why isn't he spending anytime with DD, looking after her so you can work???

Sounds like he sleeps late to avoid being with you and his child and having to take any responsibility for you both.

He doesn’t seems to be a good dad. He doesn’t care that your child is suffering and her body clock is all messed up due to his stupidity re drink driving.

He doesn’t seem to be a good husband either. No consideration for you at all.

Seems like he’s a selfish arse who uses you when it suits him and cares about nobody but himself.

I know you are having another baby but if he doesn’t do anything that makes your life better I’d be thinking it’s time to go to splittsville.

Better to be on your own without his lazy arse lying around making dirty washing and dishes for you to do. You have enough to do already.

Do you even live him any more?

Love him

I don't blame you for feeling angry. I'd be so resentful of him.

Why the hell isn't he taking care of DD while you get some rest? What's he like at the weekend?
Doesn't he even acknowledge what he's put you through? How much you and DD have sacrificed for his stupidity? Is he going to get himself his own car once he gets his license back?

I don't think I do love him anymore, I feel like what is there to love? my life would be easier alone I think.

Regarding the weekends, he spends a few hours with dd but then goes out on "Socially distanced walks" with his friend for a good 3/4 hours. I even question does he even love me. Anytime I bring anything up he just turns it around on me moaning and not giving him a break after he "has been at work all week"

he goes bed around 3am, same time as me (if that's when I've finished my work) and him just being there is starting to annoy me because he complains how tired he is from working and wants to have conversation etc, but obviously I want downtime to get on with my work as I'm burnt out?

So you both go to bed at 3am and you get up for 11am and he stays in bed until 2pm?? 11 hours in bed every night!!

He could get up at 11am and look after DD for a couple of hours whilst you work.

Simple answer then - if he wants lifts to and from work then he needs to go to bed when he gets home and get up with dd in the mornings giving you time to work. If he won't then sorry at 8 months pregnant you can no longer do the lifts as you need rest.

Sounds like he makes life much harder. Do you think he’ll help when the baby comes?

@exhaustedangryegg

My husband lost his driving job due to a drink driving offence last year. (I'm still resentful to this and incredibly angry) for 4 months we had no income except my evening work (I work 8pm-1am doing translation work). after 4 months he managed to find a job which was quite a drive away, I also found out I was pregnant and luckily the same day I passed my driving test. A few days after he started the job and I started to drop him off and pick him up as it is quite a while away but every other job he applied for obviously didn't want him so he couldn't turn this only job down.

The problem is, I had my toddler in a great routine in bed at 7pm, just in time to clean up and start work. Because of his work, he starts at 3pm and finishes at 11pm. So my dd routine got completely messed up (she doesn't nap) and she would basically stay awake until we pick him up, then when we get home, she goes to sleep and wakes up the next day after around 11 hours.
My work has suffered massively due to the fact it's impossible to do anything with dd up. I have to have earphones in and listen to long documents so basically as soon as I put dd in bed around 12 at night, I basically have to rush my work for a hour, or end up working extra few hours.
I'm also 8 months pregnant, so this has been going on throughout the whole of my pregnancy.

I'm literally exhausted, I have had no alone time in 8 months, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I am busy/pre occupied, driving around, trying to work/entertain dd and I am seriously starting to resent my husband for putting me through this, he gets his license back next month, a few weeks before my c section so he just says "Oh well you have a few weeks to Get some alone evening time and dd back in her normal routine" and he completely dismisses my feelings, and thinks its just pregnancy hormones making me feel like this.

Even my mum thinks I'm over reacting and just have to get on with it with dd in the evenings, but I'm like, for a good 2 years, I had her in an amazing routine, her behaviour was fine but it's all gone to pots, she's living in a constant state of over tiredness and has became aggressive but I'm the only one dealing with this, swell as dealing with gestational diabetes and everything else.

I' think I'm just angry that I know I'm going to have my hands full and this was supposed to be my only bit of respite before I have a newborn and it's just been chaotic, I literally am starting to snap at my dd for everything normal because I'm losing my patience.

I don't even know what my AIBU is, probably AIBU to want a divorce I don't know, I'm just so resentful towards him and when I look at him, I just feel anger.

Yanbu, can't he ask colleagues if they live nearby that he can share with, that would take the pressure of a bit, and allow you to get your child back into some sort of routine. How far is quite far away? Are we talking 5 miles or 50 odd miles

I would have lost all respect for him after he got caught for drink driving. This would be a red line for me and I would divorce them.

Yanbu that is awful. I don’t think I could put up with that, you’re doing so much for him and he is stealing sleep from you and your daughter and dismissing your feelings. First ever LTB.

God there’s so much wrong with this I could just come round there and give him a piece of my mind! If I knew where you lived

He’s the one who committed a crime- he’s the one who’s supposed to be being punished, not you or your ds.

No way should you be doing these lifts. He should be cycling or getting public transport. Or anything but putting his pregnant wife and child out. Or if this is going to happen, he should be the one to look after her in the mornings so that you can work then instead.

Absolute horrible selfish knobber!