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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To resent the last 8 months of being a taxi service to husband

77 replies

exhaustedangryegg · 19/03/2021 20:34

My husband lost his driving job due to a drink driving offence last year. (I'm still resentful to this and incredibly angry)
for 4 months we had no income except my evening work (I work 8pm-1am doing translation work). after 4 months he managed to find a job which was quite a drive away, I also found out I was pregnant and luckily the same day I passed my driving test.
A few days after he started the job and I started to drop him off and pick him up as it is quite a while away but every other job he applied for obviously didn't want him so he couldn't turn this only job down.

The problem is, I had my toddler in a great routine in bed at 7pm, just in time to clean up and start work. Because of his work, he starts at 3pm and finishes at 11pm. So my dd routine got completely messed up (she doesn't nap) and she would basically stay awake until we pick him up, then when we get home, she goes to sleep and wakes up the next day after around 11 hours.
My work has suffered massively due to the fact it's impossible to do anything with dd up. I have to have earphones in and listen to long documents so basically as soon as I put dd in bed around 12 at night, I basically have to rush my work for a hour, or end up working extra few hours.
I'm also 8 months pregnant, so this has been going on throughout the whole of my pregnancy.

I'm literally exhausted, I have had no alone time in 8 months, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I am busy/pre occupied, driving around, trying to work/entertain dd and I am seriously starting to resent my husband for putting me through this, he gets his license back next month, a few weeks before my c section so he just says "Oh well you have a few weeks to Get some alone evening time and dd back in her normal routine" and he completely dismisses my feelings, and thinks its just pregnancy hormones making me feel like this.

Even my mum thinks I'm over reacting and just have to get on with it with dd in the evenings, but I'm like, for a good 2 years, I had her in an amazing routine, her behaviour was fine but it's all gone to pots, she's living in a constant state of over tiredness and has became aggressive but I'm the only one dealing with this, swell as dealing with gestational diabetes and everything else.

I' think I'm just angry that I know I'm going to have my hands full and this was supposed to be my only bit of respite before I have a newborn and it's just been chaotic, I literally am starting to snap at my dd for everything normal because I'm losing my patience.

I don't even know what my AIBU is, probably AIBU to want a divorce I don't know, I'm just so resentful towards him and when I look at him, I just feel anger.

OP posts:
Sunnyjac · 21/03/2021 11:26

It sounds like there are lots of issues and I guess that he was probably selfish before losing his licence. How much did he support you before that? Quite frankly drink driving is the very definition of selfishness, “my need to drive trumps everyone else’s right to be safe”!
OP only you know if he is likely to change and step up but based on what you’ve said here that sounds extremely unlikely. I agree with PP that it would be wise to speak to any professionals involved in your care right now. He seems to have made his position clear. You need to decide if you want to carry him along with your two children for the next 20 odd years.
As people say, he’s telling you who he is. Time to listen.
Flowers for you

AndAPartridgeInABearTree · 21/03/2021 11:34

All of the above is good advice. Crucially stop giving him the lifts. The only person whose interest it's in is his, the selfish drink driver. You have a month to get your toddler back into a routine before the baby arrives. That's your priority not his but he's an adult and can deal with the consequences of his actions.

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