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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To resent the last 8 months of being a taxi service to husband

77 replies

exhaustedangryegg · 19/03/2021 20:34

My husband lost his driving job due to a drink driving offence last year. (I'm still resentful to this and incredibly angry)
for 4 months we had no income except my evening work (I work 8pm-1am doing translation work). after 4 months he managed to find a job which was quite a drive away, I also found out I was pregnant and luckily the same day I passed my driving test.
A few days after he started the job and I started to drop him off and pick him up as it is quite a while away but every other job he applied for obviously didn't want him so he couldn't turn this only job down.

The problem is, I had my toddler in a great routine in bed at 7pm, just in time to clean up and start work. Because of his work, he starts at 3pm and finishes at 11pm. So my dd routine got completely messed up (she doesn't nap) and she would basically stay awake until we pick him up, then when we get home, she goes to sleep and wakes up the next day after around 11 hours.
My work has suffered massively due to the fact it's impossible to do anything with dd up. I have to have earphones in and listen to long documents so basically as soon as I put dd in bed around 12 at night, I basically have to rush my work for a hour, or end up working extra few hours.
I'm also 8 months pregnant, so this has been going on throughout the whole of my pregnancy.

I'm literally exhausted, I have had no alone time in 8 months, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I am busy/pre occupied, driving around, trying to work/entertain dd and I am seriously starting to resent my husband for putting me through this, he gets his license back next month, a few weeks before my c section so he just says "Oh well you have a few weeks to Get some alone evening time and dd back in her normal routine" and he completely dismisses my feelings, and thinks its just pregnancy hormones making me feel like this.

Even my mum thinks I'm over reacting and just have to get on with it with dd in the evenings, but I'm like, for a good 2 years, I had her in an amazing routine, her behaviour was fine but it's all gone to pots, she's living in a constant state of over tiredness and has became aggressive but I'm the only one dealing with this, swell as dealing with gestational diabetes and everything else.

I' think I'm just angry that I know I'm going to have my hands full and this was supposed to be my only bit of respite before I have a newborn and it's just been chaotic, I literally am starting to snap at my dd for everything normal because I'm losing my patience.

I don't even know what my AIBU is, probably AIBU to want a divorce I don't know, I'm just so resentful towards him and when I look at him, I just feel anger.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/03/2021 23:48

Dd not Ds, not that it changes anything!

whatthehellisthiszap · 20/03/2021 00:37

I'd stop doing anything for him and divorce him. He's a complete waste of space.

I'm honestly amazed that men like this ever manage to convince a woman to sleep with them.

Saltyslug · 20/03/2021 00:40

How far away is his work? Miles

BRB2021 · 20/03/2021 00:58

He looks after DD 10am to 2pm while you work, then you take him to work and he gets taxi home at 11pm.
DD then gets back into routine and you get some relaxing time in the evening. And he gets a lift to work. Everyone gets something

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 20/03/2021 01:01

I'm really confused about your household routine, but I guess the main question is do you have to work during those hours or is it just something you fell into at one point?

Because the obvious solution is for your P to get up in the morning, take care of your DD, and allow you to work through the day, surely?

ineedaholidaynow · 20/03/2021 01:03

Will you trust him to not drink and drive again?

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/03/2021 01:03

Is he still drinking to excess? Is that why he's in bed 11 hours?

Jobsharenightmare · 20/03/2021 05:44

I wouldn't be giving him lifts if I was a colleague let alone his partner even in non Covid times because he's just a bad egg. Where is the remorse for his conviction? Where is the remorse for the impact it's had on us family? Why isn't he going to bed when he gets home so he can get up and do morning childcare? Is he alcohol dependent? It's one thing to support a lovely partner who didn't realise they were marginally over the limit the next day for example and another to keep bankrolling and ferrying about an irresponsible dangerous loser.

CuriousSeal · 20/03/2021 06:49

That's disgusting that your DH would allow his heavily pregnant wife to be so overworked. I certainly wouldn't be letting him sleep in! Wake him up and get him to do his share of the childcare and housework. What a waste of space.

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this OP.

Comtesse · 20/03/2021 06:55

His behaviour is awful. You are paying the price for his stupidity. I would feel murderous. How much would a taxi be? At 8 months pregnant it is time to rest Flowers

Tangogolf55 · 20/03/2021 07:30

He’s a selfish prick.

MazekeenSmith · 20/03/2021 07:33

Kick him the fuck out. What a useless bellend.

Velvian · 20/03/2021 07:33

Why on earth does he sleep until 2pm??

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/03/2021 07:48

@Parky04

I would have lost all respect for him after he got caught for drink driving. This would be a red line for me and I would divorce them.
Me too.
MotorwayDiva · 20/03/2021 07:52

If you weren't with him you could have DD in routine and working as you were before. What benefit does he actually bring? Stop the lifts immediately

diamondpony80 · 20/03/2021 07:55

My DH at one stage was working 3-11, and for a while when DD was a baby we had only one car (which I needed to take DS to his after school clubs). I used to drop him to work at 3, but he would never have expected me to bring the kids out at that late hour to pick him up. He got taxis, or sometimes a lift with a co worker. Mostly a taxi though. It costs money of course, but you need to get your child to bed so that you can have some time to work too (and get some time to yourself).

porridgecake · 20/03/2021 07:58

What a pathetic excuse for a man he is. I am sorry he has managed to manipulate you like this. Is this how you want your life to be? I have no doubt he will lose his licence again, or do something equally irresponsible.
You would have an easier life without him.

CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 20/03/2021 07:59

I think he should be coming home by taxi/minicab for the time being and getting up earlier to do some of the household tasks.

Beautiful3 · 20/03/2021 08:02

If he gets his licence back next month, then I'd carry on doing it..knowing it will end soon.

maddening · 20/03/2021 08:07

Is moving closer to his work an option?

How far away is it?

GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 20/03/2021 08:13

This whole set up stinks OP. For you and your children please sort it or leave. Equal amount of sleep / proportionate amounts of work/childcare and no lifts to work if it doesn’t fit in with work and childcare hours.

Makingnumber2 · 20/03/2021 08:15

This situation sounds horrendous in terms of the toll it's taking on you mentally and physically and also the toll it's taking on your DD. Your husband needs to find another way to get to work- combo of bike and public transport? Even if it takes him 2 hrs there and 2hrs back. You are 8 months pregnant ffs how does he think the way you're having to live right now is sustainable?
If he isn't willing to inconvenience himself significantly to get to work in the same you and your DD have been inconvenienced by having to get him to and from work then he is selfish and you deserve better.

WaterBottle123 · 20/03/2021 08:18

Oh OP this is such a hugely unfair situation. He sounds incredibly selfish. Him sleeping til 2pm is inexcusable.

How's your support network? It really does sound like you'd be better off without him.

Lolapusht · 20/03/2021 11:43

The drink driving is really bad, but the bit that got me is that he’s happy keeping his DC up until midnight so he can be taken to work. He would rather keep a toddler awake for 5 hours than work out how he can get to a job he had to take because he got fired from his previous job because he decided (and it was a choice) to drink drive. That is disgusting. Add to that the fact that he’s letting his 8 month old wife run around for 20+ hours a day while doing all the childcare and housework while also working which has to be done at 1am because you’re running around after his sorry ass...I’m appalled! Oh, and then there’s the 4 hour “walks”. He is making your life more difficult. He can go live with your mum as she seems to think all of this is acceptable, so she can do it!

exhaustedangryegg · 20/03/2021 13:53

@Lolapusht yes exactly. I even told him to go live with his parents and let them drive him around as they also agree with him!

I've been up all night just seething which is counterproductive because everyone around me clearly are idiots. I didn't argue with him last night but I think me being quiet said it all then he had the audacity to say "now I know why men cheat when they come home and can't be treated nice by their wives" and i just broke down in tears upstairs because I realised that he genuinely doesn't see what is wrong.

He says "if you want to leave, just leave" knowing I'm at the most vulnerable state. He says "I'm not leaving the house which is in my name , you go find yourself a new house" I just feel stuck and regret ever keeping this baby tbh

OP posts:
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