Single mums who work full time

[Singlenmumprobs]

I’ve been offered a job, better than what I’m doing now more chance for progression(although not loads) and doing something I think I’d like and be good at. But it’s full time, 9-5 with a half hour minimum drive commute. More on bad traffic days. So potentially kids at school from 8-6.

My job now is walking distance, 9-3 and term time but I don’t enjoy it and it’s not going anywhere.

Aibu to turn down the job id love for my kids? I know in a few years (youngest is half way through primary) they wont need me as much in the holidays and I could build myself a better career between now and then. But they need me now. I have nobody to help out. They’d be in a (expensive) holiday club for most of their school holidays 8-6. They’d massively struggle with that, they’d hate it too. I’m sure they’d have fun some days but would definitely find it really hard. Youngest finds school really difficult as it is.

I know I have to turn it down. Hopefully I can work on my skills and try again in a few years.
How do others manage?

This is so hard. Mine have 3 days in 730 -530 and the rest 9-3

The longer days are ok as they unwind and have unstructured play in the wraparound care. They come home fed and quite chilled and in winter those days are easier than the 9-3 when it’s too dark to do much other than come home and chill .

Don’t undervalue your happiness. If you’re happy they’ll be happy . They’ll adapt to whatever but it’s so hard being a single parent.

The half hour commute isn’t end of world either. Time to defrag, listen to radio and be in a good headspace for when you collect them

Holidays might suck a bit but so so long holidays as a solo parent sometimes .. maybe the shorter more quality time won’t be the worst thing ever ?

I’d worry most about when they’re ill and need to take time off etc .. but that’s the same with any job

I think if you reallt want to do it and might be hard to do later then go for it. Unless you love the time you have with your children and then that’s priceless

I find it exhausting and thankless sometimes 🤦‍♀️ Am I allowed to say that. I prefer less but quality time 😂 I am a sole parent to two young boys.. adore them but Jesus I need a holiday away from them 😂😂

How old are your kids? Could you ask to take unpaid leave during school holidays? My eldest definitely could not cope in holiday club, and quite a few of the kids I know who go to holiday club don't like it much. Have yours been before?

Aside from the kids. I think I’d really struggle. I’ve had it easy work wise for so long. I can’t imagine getting in at 6pm needing to cook ect. Youngest normally in bed by 8.

Probably worth mentioning youngest has some issues, possible sen so really will struggle in the holidays. The long school days we could probably manage but I think the holidays will be a problem. Staff are not as equipped to cope with him in a holiday club either. I mean if I get 28 days annual leave but he has 13 weeks holiday he’ll be in holiday club for most of them. I’ve tried to speak to him about it and he got really upset. I need to decide by Monday

@HotPenguin no never been before as I’ve always been home and we do loads together. I don’t know about unpaid leave, didn’t seem right to ask in the interview . I imagine it’d be difficult though because of my workload.

You can wait for the job you want. Your kids won't wait for you.

I have always worked 7-7 mon - friday

Kids are fine I think 😂

I hate that I’m saying this but it sounds like it could be too much to take on if you have no family support. I’m a single mum, work school hrs term time only and there are still times I find that hard. It’s just me who does cleaning, cooking, homework help etc. etc. then add the juggling of work and expectations that can place on you. I am not trying to be negative just realistic. It is hard.

If you already know your kids need you then you have your answer. Of course your happiness is very important but I don’t think you being happy = them being happy. If only life was that simple.

Kids are generally good at settling in childcare, but you know yours best. I agree that holiday clubs are the bigger issue.

If you decide not to accept it, you’ve nothing to lose by asking them if they’d accept you working 1 hour less each day for a part-time salary. And if you could take a day a week unpaid in the holidays. Doesn’t hurt to ask.

I'm a single mum and have been working full time in a very stressful career since my daughter was a baby. It's definitely possible.

I worked part time until my youngest was at secondary school then found a full time job and 3 years on from that have just progressed to a new role. My ‘career’ has taken a back seat to my children but it was the right decision for me. I loved being able to pick them up from school, go to assemblies and sports days etc.
As a single mum it’s not been easy and money has been tight but I’m getting there now.
This was just me, my choice. You have to do what’s right for you.
Write down the pros and cons.

@Troublewaters2021

I have always worked 7-7 mon - friday

Kids are fine I think 😂

You work 60 hours a week?

A miserable mum is no good for anyone but is it really your dream job? Or are you just bored of the monotony of your current role? Every job is exciting to begin with, it will soon wear off. Part time term time working roles are like gold dust and remember you have a long working life ahead of you, plenty of time for a career.

@Troublewaters2021 what do you do with them in the holidays though?
I think it’s be easier if it’s what they were used to. Mine have never known it.

@AnxiousAndUnraveling That pretty much sums it up. I think I’m looking at it through rose tinted glasses of this job I’d really enjoy but truthfully life is really stressful. I’m home by 4 and I don’t stop. I never stop. I feel like I have no time to myself. I can see me really struggling but I’d be happier at work for definite. Plus I’m thinking ahead.

I’ve probably got 4 more years of summer holidays left, if that, where they actually want to spend time with me. Maybe I should just enjoy it whilst I can as like pp said, I won’t get that time back. I’m early 30’s so can still hopefully try again in a few years.

If I take away what I want... it’s definitely in my youngest best interests for me not to take it. At best he’d struggle, there’d be lots of bad days (in the holidays rather than school days) and I’d be getting Called to collect him. At worst it’d be detrimental to his over all well being as he’d have no down time.

@MotherHubbard2020 probably not my dream job no. The best I can get with my qualifications and experience though definitely something I think I’d enjoy, but I won’t really know until I try. Ilium unhappy in my current job though and might lose it soon anyway, which I probably should have mentioned from the off. But that’s just a maybe.

I’d take the all year round job with longer hours if it was only 3 days a week or something. I just can’t imagine trying to spread such little annual leave out between all the holidays.

I’d take the job.

The commute and longer “school days” will quickly become normal and after school club etc will give the kids some time to unwind before home. You’ll adapt to this pretty quickly.

The holidays may be trickier but there are a couple of points here. In general the older they get the less they need you in the holidays. You may well be able to negotiate some element of flexible working/working from home once you are in post.

I think that this job sounds like a real step up in terms of overall career than your current one. Think about it as a stepping stone to something where you may both earn more and be able to be more flexible about work and home. Go for it!

I've been a LP for years, DD is 17 now, but I found the time she most needed me around after school was late primary - to get her to dance and gymnastics but also to have playdates and enable her to go to other kids houses. We also went through a period of friendship issues that I really felt she needed me there for. I gave up my job in year 5 and went self-employed to give more flexibility and to still enable me to do the level of work I wanted. It's so hard though, I relied on my DPs a lot, I couldn't have done it without them.

Is dad on the scene? He also gets minimum 28 days holiday a year...

*disclaimer, also a single parent, zero input from dad, I know how hard it is x

If it would make you happy, take the job. Every working mum is entitled to 18 weeks unpaid leave in total for each child, up until their 18th birthday regardless of employer. It is your statutory right so make sure you use it if you need it.

@Ikeameatballs I agree with that but the holidays will be such an issue. I’m not really as concerned with the longer days. It’d be tough but that’d be a worthwhile sacrifice to make. The holidays I’m not sure about. Mainly the summer ones, but all really. There’s a real possibility they may call me to collect him regularly. Again, I won’t know until I try. But I could take it, and find out the employer won’t be flexible, child won’t settle then it’d be a disaster.
I really wish I hadn’t applied

I think the dealbreaker is the holidays. Long school days are one thing - exhausting but doable - but holidays as well sounds too much if there is no one else to lean on. In your shoes I would be hanging on to the (boring) 9 til 3 gig for a while longer if the family isn’t ready.

@UrsulaBee pretty much sometimes I might not have anything on a Friday.

No Dad around and parents can’t help with regular childcare. Youngest is too difficult.

On maternity leave at the moment

It depends on your kids. Mine is quite shy and really values being at home to wind down after pre-school - at the moment I think he'd hate summer holiday clubs and after school clubs so we're going to juggle work and get a nanny (probs a student). I appreciate that's expensive though.

I'm a single mum, work full time in a pretty stressful job that comes home with me. I have no family support and eldest is on the SEN register with violent and aggressive meltdowns at times.

I've commuted in the past for 45-60mins each way. Did that for nearly two years and yes, that was nearly breaking point. But we did it for a reason and it's paid off.

Yes you can do it. Yes it will be hard. But my kids respect me for providing for them and having the means for us to have a good life. I have no time for 'me' but at the moment I'm content with that. Life is very full on and at times overwhelming. But honestly, I think most single mums will say the same thing whether they work full-time or not. I have the satisfaction of my career outside the home and I'm thankful for that.