To have given up on naps?

[redlipstickandtiredeyes]

I do feel bad about it because my baby is obviously tired but if you’ve done absolutely everything you can and they still don’t sleep what else can you do?

My dd would only nap facing outwards (refused facing in) in a baby carrier while I was hoovering! I too spent my life trying to get her to nap or sleep. She did have silent reflux and milk allergy, so hers was more to do with needing to be upright. She also only napped for a max of ten min spurts usually. It was really tough so you have my sympathy.

Mine wouldn't nap in a pram - too nosey looking around. But I got a blackout cover for it which helped - so you get both the benefit of the movement and cosy/dark.

Sending strength OP. The only thing I can promise is that it will change. Babies grow, develop and change all the time, this is just a phase and it will pass. I don’t know when but get through it the best you can and know that it won’t last forever even though it feels shit at the moment

Our first was a screamer. We discovered he screamed himself to sleep within 5 mins when left alone - I had popped him in his crib to go for a shower (and to cry myself). Came out to silence, ran in the room in total panic to snoring dc1

Just a thought, rather than pram what about a from birth pushchair. Means you can tilt slightly which might help if hates being flat.

It sounds like you're having a really difficult time OP. I hope it gets easier for you.

I'm surprised by the replies, except one PP. I didn't ever put any thought into when my baby napped at 2m. They just slept sometimes in the course of the day, and sometimes they didn't. I certainly didn't think about anything like a routine until maybe 9m. Honestly, I never thought about their waking window or whether they were overtired. I wouldn't even have really used the term nap - they were just in and out of sleep, sometimes asleep for a few minutes and sometimes longer. I've got a 6 week old now and again she just sleeps when she sleeps but has long periods of being awake - nothing like the 45 mins people are talking about, a few hours at times. She's fine, so was my other child. My friends seem mainly the same as me but perhaps that isn't the norm. Is it because of lockdown that people are at home more so have more time to worry about napping and fewer opportunities for the baby just to fall asleep in the car etc? Genuinely curious.

Well to be fair the screaming is only when tired and then he will sleep, just won’t stay asleep for long enough for it to make a difference. It’s a mystery. Like I say I’ve given up trying to make sense of any of it but it’s horrible when it gets to me and from time to time it just does.

@Subordinateclause it sounds like your babies haven't had any trouble just falling asleep when they need to then. Those of us with problem nappers will have likely read a lot about baby sleep in order to solve the issues.
At 6 weeks you do usually get a long awake period later in the day for cluster feeding.

It sounds you're having a really hard time op, it will get better.

I have no practical suggestions really but when DD was a terror as a baby, I found singing really helpful. More for my sake than hers, it makes you breathe more deeply and held the time to pass, eventually the baby likes it too. I think you can get in a kind of stress spiral where the baby makes you stressed, then picks up on your stress and is crankier.

Put on music or go for a walk somewhere you like. Even if the baby's screaming, do things that help you to get through the stress. You're not doing a bad job. It'll all work out.

I must say - and probably will get judged for it- I absolutely LOVE the "babies must sleep on a flat, empty AND firm surface" comments. Mine literally slept anywhere but! Never slept in a Moses basket which was flat, empty and firm! Never slept in a cot which was flat an empty and guess what, FIRM! He used sleep in my arms, on my chest, in our bed, in a snug pram, cosy swing, but NEVER on a flat empty and firm surface.

Sorry this is hard on you OP! I was a slave to my sofa & Netflix during the day for the first 6 months as DS only slept in my arms whilst gently being rocked

It's such a hard battle. I'm sorry you're going through this. We really struggled too.

Out of interest, OP, you just mentioned in your last post that he can go to sleep but won't stay asleep. What position is he in when sleeping? Two things really helped us with keeping DS asleep for a bit longer once we clocked on.

1. He's a tummy sleeper. He had fantastic head control by this age but I still never let him sleep overnight on his tummy, but during the day where I could supervise him to make sure he wasn't head down, I did let him tummy sleep and he seemed to stay settled for a little longer.

1. As above, he HATED being lay on his back. I could never take him out in the carry cot on the pram without having the sling to hand because he'd last 5 minutes in the pram. DS was a whopper of a baby and outgrew the carry cot at 8 weeks by length, so we moved him into the pushchair attachment. He was like a new baby. Because we could tilt him slightly upright, he much preferred it and he would finally sleep in the pram! He did had colic and reflux though so the two went hand in hand, he was much more comfortable when somewhat upright. Obviously not completely upright because his head would have flopped down, but tilted enough for him to not be lying flat.

I absolutely LOVE the "babies must sleep on a flat, empty AND firm surface" comments.

admittedly I may have not read every post in detail but I don't think anyone has said that

You do manage to get him asleep though so what happens after that? You’ve said he wakes up after a few minutes so what do you do in between him falling asleep and then him waking up?

Er nothing? Why?

How often is baby feeding? Is he waking up because he's still hungry?

How long does he sleep at light? Why are you doing differently? At that age, mine didn't know night from day. First nap of the day was about 45 mins after waking up in the morning.

Sleep at night that should say

I don’t know skylark

I’m confident he’s not hungry.

My dc3 was like this. I couldn't get my head round it. Thought after the first 2, 3rd baby would be run of the mill but no. My god he wouldn't nap at all, but squealed and cried from exhaustion. Tried everything but nothing worked. At night, it's like you said, he passed out rather than fell asleep. It only lasted about 6 months, but my god it was a long 6 months. You have my sympathy and I hope he settles for you soon

@shouldistop

I absolutely LOVE the "babies must sleep on a flat, empty AND firm surface" comments.

admittedly I may have not read every post in detail but I don't think anyone has said that

Babies should be placed for all sleeps in a flat safe sleep space.

This was an earlier comment regarding babies sleeping in swings. I did exaggerate a bit in my comment, I do apologise for that, I should have made it obvious that I mean comments in general rather than exclusive to this thread. Sorry OP for side tracking.

Have you tried Pink Noise instead of White Noise? Worth a go if not, sends my baby to sleep really quickly, it's like witchcraft!

@shouldistop there was one I think about not sleeping in a bouncer type thing. Which is bonkers if that Is the only chance for mum and baby to get some rest.

So you said earlier he falls asleep on you, are you bouncing/rocking/sitting? Then when he falls asleep and wakes up 7 minutes later are you doing the exact same thing for those whole 7 minutes or do you stop when he’s asleep?

What I’m trying to understand is what is changing for him, in that time? Because getting them to sleep sometimes is a mammoth task in itself so you’re obviously doing things right.

If it helps: Currently sat on the sofa because my bad napper is ill and he’ll only sleep in the pram whilst moving. Loooooong night ahead .

I honestly don’t do anything. He’ll fall asleep on me and then a few minutes later wake up

Will try the pink noise: thanks.

I find the white noise (or pink) has to be quite loud. As she got sleepier I'd turn it down.

I really feel for you, it's so rough. It's exhausting trying to get a baby to sleep. Mine sounds similar to yours. She is 9 months now and we still struggle. At 6 weeks I remember we went a week with maybe only 1 or 2 naps. It just didn't work. No matter what awake periods I used. It was awful.

Things do get better though, slowly slowly you'll get there. Even if it feels so unlikely atm!

I walk a lot. It takes 20-30 mins for her to fall asleep in the pushchair or sling and then I still have to walk for the length of the nap! I know you said this doesn't work for you, but maybe keep trying and at least you'll be getting fresh air.

I found it worked best for us to always have one less nap than the 'reccomended' amount. For my sanity!

And I tried to go for a decent work 1st thing. I found fresh air and getting a good first nap (or at least quiet time for the baby) really helped set us up nicely for the rest of the day.

Other ideas rocking in a bouncy chair, holding while on exercise ball, holding then upright rather than cradle, firm pats on bottom, shushing, heartbeat rhythm pats on back.

My babies preferred one is being held upright against my chest with firm bum pats.

I hope OP doesn't mind me butting in but I have a similar problem and I'm at my wits end. Mine only naps in very specific circumstances - in a sling when I'm walking (wakes up if I stop or wear her while littering around the house), in my lap being nursed to sleep (using me as a dummy) or in the car seat (She fights sleep and wake a up if we stop even at traffic lights).
I get that it's normal but it means she has very disrupted sleep. Are catnaps ok?

She cries the minute I put her on her back 90% of the time. Could something be causing this like milk allergy or silent reflux?

If she goes to sleep in my arms and I try to put her on her back in her Moses basket she wakes up even if I do it after 20 minutes so in the middle of a sleep cycle.

At night I side feed and co sleep (belly to belly. If I roll her on her back or move away she wakes up) and she sleeps for much longer. I think I'll have to give in and do this during the day but honestly the risks worry me. However if I try to move her into the correct posotion she just wakes up. Shishing and putting a hand on her just makes her cry and I don't think it's right to let a newborn cry. I've tried shishing her like this and she just cried for 30 minutes while I shushed her and had my hand in her. Ditto bottom patting and rocking. Cried for 30 minutes and was settled the minute I started feeding her again.
Is it ok for newborn to cry a bit while you're holding them?

I feel for you OP. Even though my beautiful DD is 27 now I remember what a bad sleeper she was as a little baby. 3 x 20 minutes some days.
I remember someone saying to me that at 12 weeks they settle a bit more and this was true for us. Not brilliant but she’d sleep for a couple of 45 mins to an hour sessions and occasionally longer after lunch.
You’re doing absolutely nothing wrong, some babies are just bad sleepers.