Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bad experience at hospital today, do you think so too or was I being too sensitive?

142 replies

Sally61nm · 17/03/2021 17:04

I'm under the care the oral surgery department of a large city hospital, the condition I have is acute TMD (chronic face and head pain basically)

I had an appointment there today for a review of my condition as my last appointment was cancelled in the middle of last year due to covid.

When I arrived the person who called me through wasn't the person I've been working with during my last two appointments, she wasn't welcoming nor approachable and actually had the wrong file to begin with. She thought I was somebody else who was there for something to do with their tongue.

I explained the history and she pulled up my file on the computer. She asked what was going on and I explained that despite physio and medication prescribed previously there the pain was the same and was so unbearable some days that it is impacting my ability to function properly, especially as I have small children I need to be on form for.

When it's at its worst it affects my (already poor) eyesight.

After a very rushed examination which she did only for the benefit of the student observing, she told me (and I quote) "there's nothing we can do, its a complicated joint and it's just how you are. You will have to learn to live with it"

Much to my embarrassment I started to cry at this point as i'd been waiting almost a year for this appointment, suffering daily, she just wasn't interested at all and wanted me to move along.

I asked to speak to the lady I usually see (the one who oversees the care of all the TMD patients) she reluctantly went upstairs to find her but as she was leaving told me that she wouldn't tell me anything different.

The dentist I've seen previously came downstairs and could see I was visibly upset, she was brilliant and long story short we have a plan moving forward. It turns out there's alot more they can do for me including botox and different medications to name two options.

I feel such a fool for crying as I'm usually very stoic, but I've been suffering for so long and saw this appointment today as something to hold out for as the original dentist (not the first woman I saw first today) is lovely and seemed determined to find a way to help me (and still is)

I'm not planning on making a complaint or anything like that but I was wondering what others think about the first dentist treatment towards me?

OP posts:
Riv · 17/03/2021 17:54

I think you need to complain.
Someone else might have accepted what she said and not had the strength to ask for a second opinion. Or they may see that doctor first and just trust her, never knowing that a different doctor could do something.
Also, I think you mentioned she gave you a cursory examination for the sake of a student who was observing her...

  1. The student is also a witness to what happened.
  2. The student was learning poor practice from the first doctor. (hopefully also learning that it was bad practice thanks to your strength in asking for someone else).
FireflyRainbow · 17/03/2021 17:56

Make a complaint OP or she will think her behaviour is normal.

BungleandGeorge · 17/03/2021 17:56

Yes I agree you should complain about her manner

Leaflet from national terqtology service about amittiptyline: www.medicinesinpregnancy.org/Medicine--pregnancy/Amitriptyline/

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 17/03/2021 17:56

If you hadn't cried you would have walked out of that appointment believing that nothing could be done, so well done for crying. And yes, flag it with PALS. If it helps, don't think of it as a complaint, think of it as feedback.

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 17/03/2021 17:57

@Chloemol

I think for the sake of others you need to discuss with PALS the treatment by the First Lady

She was wrong. There is more stuff that could be done and she would appear to be the wrong person to have a student sitting with her

Actually that's a great point, the example she showed her student really does need to be addressed.
Lurkingforawhile · 17/03/2021 17:59

Well done for persevering. That sounds horrible, and I know how you feel when you’ve been waiting for an appointment for so long and then get nothing from it. I’ve been inspired to push a bit more at my next hospital appointment.

BeagleEagle · 17/03/2021 17:59

@Sally61nm

I'm under the care the oral surgery department of a large city hospital, the condition I have is acute TMD (chronic face and head pain basically)

I had an appointment there today for a review of my condition as my last appointment was cancelled in the middle of last year due to covid.

When I arrived the person who called me through wasn't the person I've been working with during my last two appointments, she wasn't welcoming nor approachable and actually had the wrong file to begin with. She thought I was somebody else who was there for something to do with their tongue.

I explained the history and she pulled up my file on the computer. She asked what was going on and I explained that despite physio and medication prescribed previously there the pain was the same and was so unbearable some days that it is impacting my ability to function properly, especially as I have small children I need to be on form for.

When it's at its worst it affects my (already poor) eyesight.

After a very rushed examination which she did only for the benefit of the student observing, she told me (and I quote) "there's nothing we can do, its a complicated joint and it's just how you are. You will have to learn to live with it"

Much to my embarrassment I started to cry at this point as i'd been waiting almost a year for this appointment, suffering daily, she just wasn't interested at all and wanted me to move along.

I asked to speak to the lady I usually see (the one who oversees the care of all the TMD patients) she reluctantly went upstairs to find her but as she was leaving told me that she wouldn't tell me anything different.

The dentist I've seen previously came downstairs and could see I was visibly upset, she was brilliant and long story short we have a plan moving forward. It turns out there's alot more they can do for me including botox and different medications to name two options.

I feel such a fool for crying as I'm usually very stoic, but I've been suffering for so long and saw this appointment today as something to hold out for as the original dentist (not the first woman I saw first today) is lovely and seemed determined to find a way to help me (and still is)

I'm not planning on making a complaint or anything like that but I was wondering what others think about the first dentist treatment towards me?

IANAD but would it be worth asking about a trigeminal nerve block? Might need to go private but it could help if you experience chronic facial pain.

I'm sorry that your dentist was a total dickhead. I'd complain but I wouldn't hold up hope for anything being done about it.

Wishitsnows · 17/03/2021 18:00

You should definitely complain. After waiting a year I can't imagine how it felt being told there is nothing she could do and just carry on in pain not functioning. Really unacceptable, especially when there are treatments that can help.

Original poster
Sally61nm · 17/03/2021 18:01

Thank you all, you've given me the push I needed to complain. I wouldn't have done it otherwise.

Unsurprisingly, my OH has just said exactly the same when I told him.

I'm so sorry to hear others here have been let down, or their loved ones.

OP posts:
zoomies1 · 17/03/2021 18:01

You should make a complaint. She could have left you in pain and demoralised for a long time with no hope of help. I have been in a similar position with useless doctors telling me there is nothing that can be done when that was completely incorrect. I'm sick of hearing about other people going through the same thing. Like the rest of us, they need to be held to account and made to do their jobs better.

FYI - I had to make complaints as the rage literally kept me awake at night.

Defmy · 17/03/2021 18:01

I've had that said to me too and it's so unprofessional. Even if there's a grain of truth in it, there are ways of living with it that would be helped by cognitive therapy and the response just smacks of slapdash indifference so I wouldn't trust that nothing else was available. You were right to cry and ask for a second opinion, I think that was a very mature response!

saracorona · 17/03/2021 18:10

Disgraceful, please complain. She won't be sacked but she will undergo a review which will benefit everyone. Callous is one thing, lazy is another.

LilacSloth · 17/03/2021 18:10

Sorry you had such a poor experience but pleased you managed to get the right help in the end. Just thought I would mention I was referred to a physio for my TMD and as well as the exercises she also did acupuncture in the back of my neck over several weeks. I was v sceptical but it made a huge difference. It might be worth considering/discussing at your April appointment going forward?

notthedressiwanted · 17/03/2021 18:11

You were definitely not over sensitive. Glad you are going to complain.
Have you tried acupuncture? A dentist friend of mine did me a crown of thorns for my tmj. I felt like I was floating afterwards. Wasn't permanent, but worth it for a while of respite.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 17/03/2021 18:12

I think it would be helpful if you lodged a factual account of your visit today as it would be very disturbing if other patients went away with wrong information about what is available for this condition.

NICE guidelines clearly describe appropriate management for your degree of severity - and they include botox and beyond:

cks.nice.org.uk/topics/temporomandibular-disorders-tmds/management/management/

dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 17/03/2021 18:13

Of course you are not being unreasonable. If you hadn't been assertive, you would have gone away in severe pain. The attitude of some medical staff simply beggars belief.

ComDummings · 17/03/2021 18:14

I am so glad you’re going to complain. You will help others by complaining, if we accept shitty medical attention then it will continue for everyone. I’m glad you now have a plan in place.

dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 17/03/2021 18:16

Surely there must be a middle way between the NHS 'fob off and minimise' approach and the private USA healthcare of over-diagnosing and treating everything at the drop of a hat?

notturningintopowerranger · 17/03/2021 18:17

We really appreciate constructive complaints at my workplace as it tells us where we’re going wrong. I’ve made a similar complaint myself and received a lovely letter back from the dr. Hope you’re feeling better.

Youseethethingis · 17/03/2021 18:19

Glad to see you’ve decided to complain.
What that woman could have cost you and your family in terms of quality of life... the next patient might not be so lucky to have someone swiftly intervene.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 17/03/2021 18:23

So glad you complained because this person was not working within the NHS’s core values (it sounds like she failed to deliver 3 of the 6 “Cs”) and that’s a big deal.

Namechange1991x · 17/03/2021 18:25

I can empathize..I waited a year for a gynecologist appointment for ongoing pelvic pain and raised ca125 levels and was asked why I was there when I got there. I ended up crying too as had waited ages for the appointment and he was so blase, saying we won't find anything likely and that this was the 'least of my worries' as by this point he said I'm worried about your current mental state. Which in turn made me feel even worse and unheard.

5finger4head · 17/03/2021 18:27

Hey @Sally61nm sorry to hear you had such an awful experience. I work in the NHS as a
Physio and manager and I would 💯 complain to pals. Firstly decide what you would like to get out of it. For the person to be spoken to about it, for an apology etc. We are all accountable and she may need support from her manager. We never know what’s going on in people’s lives, including the professionals that treat us; but her bedside manner needs addressing. You’re not just a number and your pain and experiences are important. Good luck x

oakleaffy · 17/03/2021 18:27

@Sally61nm
Absolutely not being a wimp for crying.
Head and jaw pain is excruciating because of the location and closeness to brain and I knew of a poor woman who committed suicide because of agonising jaw pain.
Her neighbour dismissed her, until her death from intractable nerve pain
Nerve pain is appalling.
Hope you get decent relief soon.

5finger4head · 17/03/2021 18:28

Oops sorry didn’t read the whole thread! Glad to hear you complained. You can also look at the CCG guidelines for this condition and the pathway they are expected to take.