Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bad experience at hospital today, do you think so too or was I being too sensitive?

142 replies

Sally61nm · 17/03/2021 17:04

I'm under the care the oral surgery department of a large city hospital, the condition I have is acute TMD (chronic face and head pain basically)

I had an appointment there today for a review of my condition as my last appointment was cancelled in the middle of last year due to covid.

When I arrived the person who called me through wasn't the person I've been working with during my last two appointments, she wasn't welcoming nor approachable and actually had the wrong file to begin with. She thought I was somebody else who was there for something to do with their tongue.

I explained the history and she pulled up my file on the computer. She asked what was going on and I explained that despite physio and medication prescribed previously there the pain was the same and was so unbearable some days that it is impacting my ability to function properly, especially as I have small children I need to be on form for.

When it's at its worst it affects my (already poor) eyesight.

After a very rushed examination which she did only for the benefit of the student observing, she told me (and I quote) "there's nothing we can do, its a complicated joint and it's just how you are. You will have to learn to live with it"

Much to my embarrassment I started to cry at this point as i'd been waiting almost a year for this appointment, suffering daily, she just wasn't interested at all and wanted me to move along.

I asked to speak to the lady I usually see (the one who oversees the care of all the TMD patients) she reluctantly went upstairs to find her but as she was leaving told me that she wouldn't tell me anything different.

The dentist I've seen previously came downstairs and could see I was visibly upset, she was brilliant and long story short we have a plan moving forward. It turns out there's alot more they can do for me including botox and different medications to name two options.

I feel such a fool for crying as I'm usually very stoic, but I've been suffering for so long and saw this appointment today as something to hold out for as the original dentist (not the first woman I saw first today) is lovely and seemed determined to find a way to help me (and still is)

I'm not planning on making a complaint or anything like that but I was wondering what others think about the first dentist treatment towards me?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 17/03/2021 17:33

No wonder you were distressed. I'm so glad to hear you got to see the dentist who helped you and you have a plan going forward. Living with that level of unrelenting pain must be unbearable.

glasgowLil · 17/03/2021 17:33

You should definitely complain. And don’t feel bad about crying. Sometimes it’s the best way to show that you can’t take it anymore and they need to actually help you. Hugs xx

RememberWhenWe · 17/03/2021 17:34

You poor thing, no wonder you were upset. Please, if you feel you can, make a complaint. It's only when managers find out what's going wrong that things can be put right. This member of staff needs to change their behaviour and by submitting a complaint, you will help that happen. You wont be judged in any way for doing it, each trust will have a patient experience team who deal with this kind of thing day in day out and are very helpful.

Hope your pain improves once you are able to have your treatment Flowers

toocold54 · 17/03/2021 17:34

I’m glad you started crying because it shows how much pain (physical and mental) this is causing you!

If someone came after them and said completely different to what they said then yes I would definitely be complaining as it will hopefully stop them fobbing someone else off in the future!

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 17/03/2021 17:35

Well I'd certainly push for an MRI if the meds aren't any good.
It's good that you have full movement.
Really hope you get sorted!

Ilovemycat13 · 17/03/2021 17:37

Glad you have a plan OP. I get so angry when people aren’t taking seriously and even if you don’t complain officially to PALS I do think it’s worth mentioning.

I’m seen in dermatology for my very severe psoriasis. The last consultant I saw was new and had never seen me before. Because I had said the words ‘oh it’s good compared to last time’ she discharged me despite not knowing me, my history or previous treatment. I’m now suffering more than ever and have to be re-referred. I’m glad you put your foot down!

Ilovelove · 17/03/2021 17:38

Well there is no shame in crying. You have suffered terribly.

What I want to say, is well done for asking to see the other dentist. That took guts.

I don't really hold much regard for the NHS and chronic pain things - when I had an issue - I worked out quick smart that they were going to do nothing for me. So I am really pleased for you that you have come out of the consultation with a plan.

It is sad, but a lot of this, depends on the person you see on the day and your story is common but not good.

FOJN · 17/03/2021 17:39

I think her manner was very unsympathetic but being completely wrong about possible treatment options is the bigger issue. Was she being truly awful and effectively denying you treatment she knew was available or incompetent? Either way I think it does need to be addressed.
I'm sorry you had such an awful experience and hope the botox improves things and you don't have to wait too long.

ShaneTheThird · 17/03/2021 17:40

As others have said please make a serious complaint and dont downplay how poorly she treated you. Remember if she has done this to you then she is doing it to others as well and people wont always be as strong as you were asking to see the other dentist, they will accept no help and suffer forever thinking theres nothing can be done which as you found out is patenly bollocks.

Congratulations on the pregnancy and i hope you get the medicine soon, chronic pain must be horrendous.

JellyBumNBellyHun · 17/03/2021 17:41

Why wouldn't you complain? Clearly the person you saw doesn't know their job properly. It's awful when you have waited a long time. I waited a year for a gynae appointment and when it happened he just me it was women's problems and told me everything o already knew. I was upset and furious as what was the point waiting for that appointment! I made a complaint to PALs.

Viviennemary · 17/03/2021 17:43

It's cheeky you needed to get upset to get decent treatment from the NHS. That's why I think the whole system is totally shit.

JellyBumNBellyHun · 17/03/2021 17:44

I didn't want to complain as I know the NHS is under immense strain at the moment, but if people think I should then I'll consider it.

Being under immense pressure doesn't wipe out all the years of medical training. The person you saw told you there was nothing to be done. Another doctor found a solution. That isn't being under pressure, it's being shit. Just because it's the NHS doesn't give people a free pass to be crap.

Easterbunnygettingready · 17/03/2021 17:45

I was selected to have a mammogram as part of an under 50 scheme... The nurse manning the machine was very unprofessional imo and I left in tears. Wish I had complained..

saraclara · 17/03/2021 17:47

That's what PALS is for. You really have to report this person. I bet the other dentist knows exactly what she's like, and that's why she was so sweet, solicitous and helpful. She probably WANTS people to complain about the first one, because she must be very difficult to work with and have to pick up the pieces for.

Please complain. You're not protecting the NHS by not doing. The people at PALS are paid to do this job because the NHS wants to know when things go badly.

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/03/2021 17:47

We use amitriptyline in Podiatry for neuropathic foot pain and it’s well tolerated but our patients are mainly not pg.

I’m so sorry she treated you like that & it makes me cross when patients are dismissed like that. We’re not all like it.

Changemaname1 · 17/03/2021 17:47

Not sensitive at all , chronic pain is awful and to wait all that time to be dismissed! Well done you for asking to speak to the other dentist, hopefully their treatment plan for you will work out for you Flowers

poppycat10 · 17/03/2021 17:48

You absolutely should complain.

Something similar happened to my mother - she has dry eyes and has plugs put in every 18 months or so to help. She was going to have them but her eyes were too badly infected so had to wait for that to clear. A few weeks later DM went back and it was a different doctor who said it didn't need to be done. He accepted no counter arguments even when my mum said read her file. My mum didn't know the name of the previous doctor. Anyway she contacted her GP who also didn't want to know but fortunately, as it was eyes, she got re-referred by her optician instead. She had the plugs done but also had another procedure which should help. But why does one doctor say you don't need something when you have had it before and they can see in your notes that it has been approved by another doctor.

In your case, there were things that could be done and if the first dentist didn't know what they were, she should have gone and asked. Why won't people ask if they don't know, rather than fobbing you off?

Anyway I am sorry to derail a bit but definitely definitely complain. So sorry to hear that you were so upset and the first dentist was so unhelpful Flowers

TheLumpySofaCushion · 17/03/2021 17:49

@Sally61nm

Crossed posts

Thank you all for validating my feelings. I felt so defeatist and upset at the time, it's really not like me to break down like that in public.

I didn't want to complain as I know the NHS is under immense strain at the moment, but if people think I should then I'll consider it.

Yes she told me there was nothing that could be done, but there is.

OP, please, please, relay your experience by email or online form to the hospitals PALS team.

That person is dealing with a patient in chronic pain. You were so lucky that you knew to ask for your normal specialist - if that had have been your first appointment, you would have been abandoned to your pain and torment.

I've complained (reasonably & appropriately) via PALS before and it's been dealt with seriously,

I kind of feel we owe it as a duty of care for those who might be even more affected by these awful situations.

thelegohooverer · 17/03/2021 17:50

Well done for asking to see the other dentist.
You did very well in the circumstances.

ancientgran · 17/03/2021 17:51

Be careful with amitriptyline, it makes me really sleepy the next morning, I take it at night for pain from a shingles outbreak. It might not do it to anyone but I can't imagine coping with little ones when I get up.

I once broke down at a medical appointment, I was seeing the nurse practitioner, I had been back and forward to GP as I felt so awful and kept getting told I was depressed. I wasn't. Anyway I broke down and told her I couldn't stand it anymore. She immediately said, "I think I know what it is." She took a blood sample and the next day I got a phone call to see GP that day. He said, "Your thyroid isn't working, you must have felt awful, like swimming through treacle." No shit Sherlock I'd been telling you that for nearly 2 years and you wouldn't listen.

Hope you treatment works.

subsy1 · 17/03/2021 17:51

... and what an example she is setting for the student observing!

islockdownoveryet · 17/03/2021 17:51

You did the right thing , I’d be the same tbh .
I think some dental care especially is very overstretched and unless you shout you are ignored .
A few years ago my ds sen goes to a sen dentist he needed treatment but as it would require local anaesthetic referred to another sen dentist was told could take 12 months . After 12 months got a appointment at dental hospital but was then told 12 months wait . I complained to pals about the wait . 2 year wait for potential treatment for a child is disgusting . I got a call and they booked him in the hospital a few days later . I may be going down that path again as I can’t get him seen for a check up , emergency only apparently but I have a son that doesn’t speak so I’m not sure how they think I’ll know if he’s having pain from teeth .
Go to Pals it will have details to log a complaint.

Fembot123 · 17/03/2021 17:51

How awful, chronic pain must be the worst Flowers I’m glad you cried if it helped you get taken seriously I’m also not surprised you were moved to tears after being shunted off with no help only to be left in agony, how cruel and thoughtless of her.

Chloemol · 17/03/2021 17:54

I think for the sake of others you need to discuss with PALS the treatment by the First Lady

She was wrong. There is more stuff that could be done and she would appear to be the wrong person to have a student sitting with her