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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel old at 31?

101 replies

Sunshine3013 · 17/03/2021 00:52

Honestly, I'm feeling really down.

I don't know what has come over me, I'm usually confident and have never worried about my age.
But suddenly I feel old. I am panicking that I need to TTC no3 as soon as possible (had my twins at 25) and I just feel like my ovaries as well as my beauty is a ticking time bomb on the road to expiring (to be honest I feel as if my youthful beauty has already expired).

I feel really emotional about all of this, my husband thinks I am being daft but I really can't fight this feeling...

OP posts:
Borntohula · 17/03/2021 00:59

I'm 32 and feel the same, wonder if it's to do with life being somewhat 'on hold' for the past year. I know it's not the same for everyone but IME getting pregnant at 31 happens as quickly as it does at 25.

AnotherSunrise · 17/03/2021 01:01

YABU

WTF99 · 17/03/2021 01:05

Oh for goodness sake give over

Birdslovesinging · 17/03/2021 01:06

For me, I was recently diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and my periods have stopped. Not ovulating anymore and am just so grateful I had my babies in my 20s. That's not to say I can't get pregnant ever again (I don't want a third anyway) but it'd be harder/more risky. I certainly feel old at 31. Sorry its not what you wanted to hear.
If your ready for another, do it. Don't wait. No one knows whats around the corner.

CounsellorTroi · 17/03/2021 01:14

You are being ridiculous OP.

Magnificentmug12 · 17/03/2021 01:18

I’m 34 and feel old. I know that sounds ridiculous to someone older though as I know 30s is young but I don’t feel it.

Crows feet and wrinkles have appeared since lockdown and people haven’t seen me for ages so it looks like I’ve really aged even more if that makes sense!

Singlenotsingle · 17/03/2021 01:51

I don't feel old. I'm 69 and I feel exactly the same as I always did. Dodgy knees maybe, but that's all. Give your head a wobble OP, otherwise how are you going to feel when you're my age?

nanny2012nanny · 17/03/2021 01:58

Your happily married with 6 year old twins your not old look at Prince Phillip

RonObvious · 17/03/2021 05:10

Funny thing is I felt similar at 31. Turning 30 didn’t bother me, but 31 did. I got over it though and enjoyed the rest of my 30s. Am 43 now, and still feel pretty young!

ivfbeenbusy · 17/03/2021 05:27

I actually agree - not sure when/how it happened but looking in the mirror one day I suddenly realised I look old. I started dying out the odd grey hair at age 31/32 too which contributed I think and my body shape
Started to change too - 2 weeks on the Dukakis diet to get beach ready suddenly became 4-6 weeks, not age 37 I'm starting to think things will never go back where they were (but I also did have twins 8 weeks ago!)

Comtesse · 17/03/2021 06:25

OP you are being a bit daft - 31 is nothing!

peak2021 · 17/03/2021 06:56

You have two DC at probably their most interesting age, hope they bring you pride now and in the future. I'm saddened to read that you feel this way.

Cam2020 · 17/03/2021 07:07

I'd honestly put your mindset partly down to the events of the last year. I don't think anyone is looking or feeling their best. 31 is no age, but perhaps you're feeling aware of your body clock and feel in limbo because of how the last year has been?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 17/03/2021 07:09

Yeah, YABU and that opinion won't be very popular on here with older posters. I'm 30 and not old at all.

hamstersarse · 17/03/2021 07:10

Ageing isn’t optional

You’ll have to find a way to come to terms with it, that’s all there is to it!

PolarnOPirate · 17/03/2021 07:12

I feel old too OP, but physically - aches, pains. Having investigations at the moment and will in a way be gutted if there is nothing wrong with me and I am actually just getting old.

Unfortunately mentally I still feel like a clueless and annoying 12 year old. We want baby 3 too but I feel like I have time on that front - lots of my friends don't have 1 yet either. My friend had her second aged 40. You probably have plenty of time fertility wise :)

I definitely feel a lot more comfortable in my personal life since turning 30, more sure of myself, and aging is a privilege not given to all so am continuing to tell myself that!

NormanStangerson · 17/03/2021 07:12

Would you tell a 35 year old woman on here that she’s too old and her beauty is dead and gone? Or a 40 year old one? @Sunshine3013

grapewine · 17/03/2021 07:24

The alternative is worse, as my father used to say.

YABU. You're not old. If you are, I'm ancient. Focus on the life you have instead of worrying about feeling beautiful.

Neap · 17/03/2021 07:35

Honestly, OP, i think I’d probably feel a lot older than my chronological age if I’d spent half of my 20s having babies and the plan for my thirties was to have another one. In the nicest possible way, if your youthful beauty etc was that crucial to your sense of yourself, why didn’t you enjoy it more and postpone what sounds like a very baby-centred life?

user1493413286 · 17/03/2021 07:40

I feel like that, I’m 31 and in the last two years I feel like I’ve lost any kind of youthful glow and started to become a bit invisible. I also feel like I should have my shit together far more than I really do

Ladybigbeach · 17/03/2021 07:42

Is this more to do with the past year and the impact of it on your mental health?
Also the impact of society’s adoration of youth.
I’ve been looking into body positivity for past year and it’s actually been really affirming and a breathe of fresh air compared to multiple filters etc.
I look at social media differently now and notice that so many people use filters and the impact that has on how I feel about myself.

GalleryGirl · 17/03/2021 07:42

I'm 30 in a couple of months and it's a horrible jarring feeling to realise that, actually, I don't have all the time in the world to do everything I want to do.
Previously I'd brushed a lot of stuff off with "I'm young, loads of time blah blah" but 30 feels like the age where you're meant to be fully grown - emotionally and mentally - and I really don't feel that way!!

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 17/03/2021 07:45

I'm around the same age and feel the same as OP. Yes, I know that people in their 30s are still young, I just don't feel it. Perhaps it is due to lockdown and not having any social life for a year.

Of course people in their 40s, 50s, 60s, etc think we're being ridiculous (and some on this thread seem to be taking it as a personal insult) but it's not about how other people feel, it's about how you feel.

GalleryGirl · 17/03/2021 07:46

I agree with others that having young children in your 20s plus the last year of hell will definitely be contributing.

Mrstherockjohnson · 17/03/2021 07:46

@Neap

Honestly, OP, i think I’d probably feel a lot older than my chronological age if I’d spent half of my 20s having babies and the plan for my thirties was to have another one. In the nicest possible way, if your youthful beauty etc was that crucial to your sense of yourself, why didn’t you enjoy it more and postpone what sounds like a very baby-centred life?
+1. Make the most of your current life/age instead of wasting it by thinking that you are "too old" (when you actually aren't).