To feel old at 31?

[Sunshine3013]

Honestly, I'm feeling really down.

I don't know what has come over me, I'm usually confident and have never worried about my age.
But suddenly I feel old. I am panicking that I need to TTC no3 as soon as possible (had my twins at 25) and I just feel like my ovaries as well as my beauty is a ticking time bomb on the road to expiring (to be honest I feel as if my youthful beauty has already expired).

I feel really emotional about all of this, my husband thinks I am being daft but I really can't fight this feeling...

@SomeRandomerOnBumsnet

If you think your 'looks' are going at 31, I would suggest that you never really had any! I'm 46, still v attractive. Good looks don't disappear at 31

😂

I'm 31 and feel nothing like this.

Try being 37 😬 I keep telling DH that he lucky to have a wife in her thirties 😂 but secretly I’m dreading hitting 4-0. Only 2 years and 1 month to go!

@Sunshine3013

Yes maybe the last year has attributed.

I actually have always had a baby face and have no wrinkles, work out 4 times a week so am in good shape and have always been very attractive (still get men trying to talk to me everywhere I go) however it's not about the outside I'm talking about how I feel internally. Even if I don't look old, I feel anxious about this inside. And I really think it has to do with us wanting 2 more children and me trying to figure out how were going to do that in the baby making years I have left. And I think that thought in itself just struck me because in my 20s I never had to worry about these kinds of things.

So you actually do know that you’re ‘very attractive’ and ‘don’t look old’?

This might alienate the few people defending you on this thread.

SomeRandomerOnBumsnet

It IS disgustingly rude. Remember that good looks fade - a hideous attitude is terminal.

Wait til you get to 40. Or 50. Or 80.

Ageing is part of life. Can’t be 21 forever.

Bizarre thread. "I'm really gorgeous but omg so old and scared of becoming a disgusting hag but it's okay because men are falling over themselves to bask in my presence but I'm ancient"
Try having a more sincere existential crisis op.

Are you thinking you need to fit in 2 more pregnancies before you’re the magic age of 35 and that that age is rapidly approaching ?

So it would be totally possible to have 2 more before 35 if you start now, but you’ll have a much smaller gap between these two that between your twins and number 3. But one baby will be easier to deal to deal with than twins so you’ll probably sail through it!

And having had babies already keeps you fertile longer apparently so maybe mentally push the ´finished with pregnancy before 35´ thing back to 37 if that helps you to feel less anxious?

If your budget allows, maybe it’s time to treat yourself to a haircut/new item of clothing/shoes/makeup or whatever usually helps you to feel confident. Maybe you just feel out of step with current trends?

Being beautiful is largely to do with how u feel inside. It's not about how the world views you. I don't care if others view me as beautiful I feel like shit about this and that is what matters, how I feel. I only stated what I said about my looks because of the rude poster who said I must have never had looks to begin with if I've lost my looks at 31!!

I'm 30, and I can remember people (both men and women) complaining/'joking' that they were old 10 years ago, when they were 20. I might have been guilty of saying 'I'm old now!' sometimes too.

Seriously though, it's weird that society is so obsessed with youth that people have been conditioned into thinking they're old and past it for basically their entire adult lives. I don't want to be thinking I'm old for the next 50 or 60 years, it's a waste of a life.

I'm 30 and feel ancient. I am waiting for 5 joint replacements though. So as soon as I have had them done I hope to get my youth back. People giving op a hard time need to give their own head a wobble.

I sympathise.
If you Google 'youtube sunscreen' there is a nice motivational video which says that when you get old and look at your pictures from when you were young you will see how beautiful you were. I'm a few years older than you and every time when I feel that way I think about these words and for some reason it changes the way I feel. Maybe it gives you a different perspective to look at life, making memories and getting older.

@Sunshine3013

Being beautiful is largely to do with how u feel inside. It's not about how the world views you. I don't care if others view me as beautiful I feel like shit about this and that is what matters, how I feel. I only stated what I said about my looks because of the rude poster who said I must have never had looks to begin with if I've lost my looks at 31!!

Sorry but did you post a photo of yourself and they said that?

No they didn’t. So why let it bother you? Their “opinion” about your looks isn’t a valid opinion if they haven’t even seen you.

Anyway I thought men were throwing themselves at you OP so ..

People seem to be focusing on the wrong issue- I don't think OP is concerned about how she looks in terms of getting old, it's fitting in everything she wants to do that is the issue! I didn't feel it at 31, I was feeling great then but I turned 36 this week and I definitely feel that way now. I feel I haven't accomplished half of what I wanted to, I feel like a failure! I am pushing myself now but wish I had got further than I have at this age. I empathise with you op.

I've gotta say, I don't think men talking to women is an indication of how attractive those women are. I've known 'pretty' women AND those who aren't so much (by typical beauty standards, anyway) get constantly 'chatted up' by men. That's just men for you.

Try being 36 and unmarried and Childless when you want both and sadly it never happened. then come and moan about time ticking away.

Im like a PP, felt like that around 33, had baby no 3 (3 in 5 years) and felt crappy, little sleep, no money, crap diet, marriage hanging on by a thread due to all of that. 5 years later i feel young again, time for myself, skincare, better diet, kids not as demanding, no more childcare bills. Find what's stressing you, introduce some self care and hopefully you'll feel better for it. Many would love to be your age again.

I’m early 30s and feel like I’ve aged 5 years in the last year of lockdown. I think the events of the last year have led me to look at my own mortality too. But if we live to an average lifespan we still have more than half left so not really old at all.

It is disgustingly rude @SomeRandomerOnBumsnet as evidenced by numerous people telling you so and mumsnet removing your comments.

Get a grip yourself and stop using an anonymous forum as a way to be nasty to people you don’t even know, do you think you look big and clever right now? You’re behaving like a child, a nasty one at that. Embarrassing.

You know in your heart you’re being ridiculous because 31 isn’t old.

What you describe is feeling ground down. And of course you feel like that. We’ve had a full year when all the best things have been taken away. We’re all dealing with a very unnatural situation and the stuff that makes that bearable - going out with friends, hugs with family, eating out, holidays, travel, time to yourself - has been largely off limits.

This is the youngest you’ll ever be. 51yo you will look back at you of today and wish you’d seen how lovely you are. So make the most of it rather than squander it worrying about aging.

I think covid has forced a long period of introspection on us all which has had a negative impact on our mental health. I’ve been really scrutinising my wrinkles lately and have started an intensive home based regime to try and improve them. I know the likelihood of any improvement at my age is small, but I feel compelled to try.

None of this is help by a society that fetishises youth and determines the usefulness of women by how they look not what they do.

If it helps though you have another five years before you’ll really notice ageing in terms of beauty or ovaries. So try and enjoy it!!!

@LST

I'm 30 and feel ancient. I am waiting for 5 joint replacements though. So as soon as I have had them done I hope to get my youth back. People giving op a hard time need to give their own head a wobble.

Yes but that's a genuine, life altering problem that will be affecting your physical and emotional wellbeing and I'm sorry to read that you're going through that. It's nice to see someone with as much compassion as you do for others though.

Unfortunately I don't seem to be able to muster that for this kind of thread. It's the things OP seems to regard as significant and therefore mentions like men flinging themselves at her everywhere she goes, her "baby face" and no wrinkles. It's just incredibly shallow.

YANBU if each child ages you approximately 40 years that makes you 111 already

I think it's very sad that you feel that way and I would gently suggest you try to see yourself as more than 'an attractive face' and focus on your life as it is. I am much older than you but perfectly content with my life and my looks (would love to be a couple of stone lighter but really can't be bothered to do anything about it), I enjoy life, don't feel the need to be 'attractive' ... my parents are in their 90s, that is old, but even during this past year they have got the most out of life and remained positive.

Please don't worry about being 31 ... and I easily got pregnant at 42...there is plenty of time for more children if that is really what you want.

Am 38 & think it’s really sad you feel this way.

Your post reads like someone who is a very anxious person who fixates on things & makes them your worry/focus.

This sounds like a low self esteem issue or not liking yourself as a person. A lack of good older female role models whose success is not defined by their looks, etc.