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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel old at 31?

101 replies

Sunshine3013 · 17/03/2021 00:52

Honestly, I'm feeling really down.

I don't know what has come over me, I'm usually confident and have never worried about my age.
But suddenly I feel old. I am panicking that I need to TTC no3 as soon as possible (had my twins at 25) and I just feel like my ovaries as well as my beauty is a ticking time bomb on the road to expiring (to be honest I feel as if my youthful beauty has already expired).

I feel really emotional about all of this, my husband thinks I am being daft but I really can't fight this feeling...

OP posts:
GalleryGirl · 17/03/2021 07:47

@Gettingthereslowly2020

I'm around the same age and feel the same as OP. Yes, I know that people in their 30s are still young, I just don't feel it. Perhaps it is due to lockdown and not having any social life for a year.

Of course people in their 40s, 50s, 60s, etc think we're being ridiculous (and some on this thread seem to be taking it as a personal insult) but it's not about how other people feel, it's about how you feel.

@gettingthereslowly2020 - I thought it was all about being as old as the person you're feeling? Grin
pumpkinpig · 17/03/2021 07:55

I’m 31 this year and think I’ve never looked better.

But then I have no kids Wink

LadyCatStark · 17/03/2021 07:59

OFGS, so the OP can’t feel the way she feels incase or offends someone who is older than her??

I felt the same as you in my early 30s OP but it coincided with us becoming more comfortable financially and I was able to spend a bit more on decent make up, Skinny Tan fake tan, hair products and nice clothes. Once I started looking better, I lost some weight and looked the best I’d ever looked.

Until Covid hit... I think that’s aged me 10 years 😭

Dbwoshem · 17/03/2021 08:00

I'm 36 and I was going to comment saying yes I do feel old. But I've just sat and thought about it and I don't think I do feel old, I feel weary, which makes me feel old.
Being a parent to two intense children for the past 10 years, mixed with the stresses and strains of life, some mental health problems, some physical problems and then covid has made me feel completely and utterly worn out.
I don't think I look particularly old, or act older, and mentally /common sense wise I still think like I'm young

User133847 · 17/03/2021 08:01

It's more the year we've had. I'm a bit older but felt young last March.

SomeRandomerOnBumsnet · 17/03/2021 08:02

This reply has been deleted

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Nishky · 17/03/2021 08:06

36 was bad for me- I have a friend a year older and phoned her on my 36th birthday asking if she felt shit too on hers, I think it was because it felt like being nearer to 40 than 30 for the first time.

What I didn’t know at the time was that I was pregnant with my first child, went on to have my second at 39.

20 years later it’s my birthday next week and I am nearer to 60, but now it doesn’t bother me at all.

There is no real point to my post is there 😂 but what you said triggered a memory.

At the end of the day you feel how you feel but you won’t feel like that for ever

ThatsNotTheTeaHunty · 17/03/2021 08:10

To the people telling OP to give over and stop being ridiculous this is how they feel. Don't try to tell them their feelings aren't valid.

ThatsNotTheTeaHunty · 17/03/2021 08:11

@SomeRandomerOnBumsnet

If you think your 'looks' are going at 31, I would suggest that you never really had any! I'm 46, still v attractive. Good looks don't disappear at 31 Grin
So rude. I suppose ego doesn't get any less being middle aged either eh.
SomeRandomerOnBumsnet · 17/03/2021 08:17

This reply has been deleted

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SomeRandomerOnBumsnet · 17/03/2021 08:18

@ThatsNotTheTeaHunty

To the people telling OP to give over and stop being ridiculous this is how they feel. Don't try to tell them their feelings aren't valid.
I don't think you have quite got the hang of AIBU Grin
Borntohula · 17/03/2021 08:18

@pumpkinpig

I’m 31 this year and think I’ve never looked better.

But then I have no kids Wink

Just like OP though, this is just your perception. Wink
AmazoniaBun · 17/03/2021 08:20

😂 You’re being ridiculous

GalleryGirl · 17/03/2021 08:21

@SomeRandomerOnBumsnet

If you think your 'looks' are going at 31, I would suggest that you never really had any! I'm 46, still v attractive. Good looks don't disappear at 31 Grin
Christ, what a bitchy thing to say
AmazoniaBun · 17/03/2021 08:23

I was on a zoom call with a colleague yesterday and she mentioned she’s a year younger than another guy we work with. I know he’s only 33. Honestly she looks a decade older. I thought she was the same age as me (early 40’s)!! So I think some people also just look (and, therefore, maybe feel) much older than their years.

Lachimolala · 17/03/2021 08:24

I feel exactly the same, I’m 31 soon and I just look so old. My skin is grey and I’ve got crows feet coming, I’ve also put on a lot of weight (even though my diet is very healthy!) which my GP says is probably my hypothyroidism. I look so different to how I did at 28/29 I’ve noticed a few people haven’t recognised me or done a subtle double take after seeing me recently, I think I look very different. I just feel frumpy, old and over the hill these days.

Lachimolala · 17/03/2021 08:25

If you think your 'looks' are going at 31, I would suggest that you never really had any! I'm 46, still v attractive. Good looks don't disappear at 31

What’s wrong with you? That’s disgustingly rude.

Iwishiwereheather · 17/03/2021 08:26

Hey I’m 31. I sometimes feel old in terms of thinking wow it’s been 15 years since school etc but in physics terms - no way!

Why mope around feeling old and miserable meaning you are literally squandering what is actually still youthful part of your life?

Go get botox op and pipe down Wink

MonroeNotManson · 17/03/2021 08:29

Ah bless your heart

Frazzlefrazle · 17/03/2021 08:30

I feel like it's a tipping point. Once your 30 then the next big one is 40 and honestly I've not met any one who is 40 that doesn't look it, do you know what I mean? So I feel like my 30's are a slippery slope of losing my youth. Any way you are not alone OP

nancywhitehead · 17/03/2021 08:30

I'm a similar age, I don't feel "old", I feel older than I was 10 years ago obviously!! But with that comes a bit more wisdom. Would you really go back? I certainly wouldn't.

30's are a great time in your life when most people still have pretty good physical health but also feel more settled than in their 20's.

There is literally no point in worrying about getting older, it's going to happen whether you want it to or not. Appreciate what you have and enjoy the stage of life you are at!

Also, you have two children, that is really lovely! You are very lucky to have them and it's certainly nowhere near too late to have another if you want, but if you don't, you already have your lovely twins.

I wonder if some mindfulness might help you (headspace app?) and just breathe and practice being appreciative of what you have in the present moment.

Original poster
Sunshine3013 · 17/03/2021 08:34

Yes maybe the last year has attributed.

I actually have always had a baby face and have no wrinkles, work out 4 times a week so am in good shape and have always been very attractive (still get men trying to talk to me everywhere I go) however it's not about the outside I'm talking about how I feel internally. Even if I don't look old, I feel anxious about this inside. And I really think it has to do with us wanting 2 more children and me trying to figure out how were going to do that in the baby making years I have left. And I think that thought in itself just struck me because in my 20s I never had to worry about these kinds of things.

OP posts:
Joeblack066 · 17/03/2021 08:34

@NormanStangerson

Would you tell a 35 year old woman on here that she’s too old and her beauty is dead and gone? Or a 40 year old one? *@Sunshine3013*
At 58 I’m feeling highly insulted! It’s bad enough that society and the world at large promote youth at every turn without women doing it to themselves! Grow up, OP (said with kindness, or you’ll have many miserable years!)
DudeistPriest · 17/03/2021 08:36

I think the OP knows 32 isn't really old but maybe going from 20s to 30s made her more aware of how time is flying by and that she has only so much of it to do certain things she wants to do, have more kids, that youthful beauty etc. Of course that is true. I think you need to change the way you look at things and the priorities you have for yourself. Don't define yourself by how you look and your certain accomplishments so much, that's not all you are or what gives you value.

SomeRandomerOnBumsnet · 17/03/2021 08:38

@Lachimolala

If you think your 'looks' are going at 31, I would suggest that you never really had any! I'm 46, still v attractive. Good looks don't disappear at 31

What’s wrong with you? That’s disgustingly rude.

Oh get a grip. 'Disgustingly rude' Hmm Grin