To wonder whether the increase in teen anxiety is the result of

[ivegotmyteddybear]

Fewer sah parents and more nursery when small?

I'm genuinely NOT being goady. It's an opinion I hold, and would like it to be challenged.

Children have been cared by others through time - there is no evidence to suggest that children who were not looked after by mothers are those who later as teenagers suffer from anxiety。 I just what the purpose of this suggestion is？ I would suggest that anxiety of working mothers is caused by sahm whom often advocate their approach as the ideal for all!

I was a stay at home Mum and dd1 developed severe anxiety at 13. She was later diagnosed with ASD which was the underlying cause.

I was a nursery nurse before dd and the children who were in full time nursery from a young age were fine, usually very confident and settled children as they went through the nursery and knew all the staff, they didn't really know any different and seemed very happy both during the day and at pick up time. It was usually the ones who came once a week or started in pre-school who struggled a bit.

I think we are more tuned in to how our children may or may not be feeling.

I am a sahm. I have 2 DS, one who is 16 and one 10. The younger is generally anxious, louder, more extrovert.....in fact the polar opposite to his older brother.

It is down to personality, DS1 is like me, DS2 is like DH. Very little to do with environmental factors imo.

I try and recognise issues that arise due to the personality types of each.

I disagree. The idea of the 1950’s housewife who didn’t work and stayed at home is a cliche for middle class families. Lots of children pre war, during the war, after the war, until today, had mothers working out of the home. Factories used to have nurseries for 6 weeks old infants. Childcare and working mothers is nothing new.

i-Gen. Read The Coddling of the American Mind By Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianhoff.

@Foobydoo

I was a stay at home Mum and dd1 developed severe anxiety at 13. She was later diagnosed with ASD which was the underlying cause.

I was a nursery nurse before dd and the children who were in full time nursery from a young age were fine, usually very confident and settled children as they went through the nursery and knew all the staff, they didn't really know any different and seemed very happy both during the day and at pick up time. It was usually the ones who came once a week or started in pre-school who struggled a bit.

Yes, although of course the causation/correlation arguement works the other way too. There are probably older children with anxiety whose parents didnt send them to nursery BECAUSE they were anxious as small children and their mums sensed that they would be unhappy in nursery (or maybe found that to be the case after sending them). So it wasnt that the children are anxious because their mum choose to stay home. The mum stayed home in part because the children were more anxious.

Surely teen anxiety is more to do with the fact that the world is totally fucked (climate change) combined with the massive pressure to be constantly observed, recorded and ridiculed by the invention of smart phones and social media. When you write it all down, the only teens who aren’t anxious are probably the ones who haven’t quite grasped the severity of the situation we’re all living in at the moment.

I think it’s the pursuit of physical perfection via social media and the constant pressure to be wealthy and have a ‘super cool’ lifestyle etc etc. I also think simplicity has gone out the window and been replaced with too many choices, splintered family lives, lack of connection with nature etc etc

Your original assertion ignores the fact that some bloody Mothers are compelled to work for financial survival ffs ...

When my son started secondary school he said 'isn't it good you don't work mum, xxx 's mum and dad don't come home until late and he has to go home and make his own tea' They appeared to be very wealthy so weren't just working to put food on the table.

Then again, my youngest daughter who is now mid 20s is addicted to Twitter and she has currently given up social media for lent and says she feels so much calmer.

If I was young again, I'd not have children in these times 🙁

Forgot to add, smart phones weren't affordable when my older children were teenagers and they're definitely more laid back than my daughter. They have no interest in social media citing old age (both under 30!)

There is far more stress on families now and growing up in a stressful environment with stressed parents is of course going to lead to anxiety. That’s got nothing to do with using childcare. Many countries, such as the Scandinavian countries, have almost universal take up of nursery care and far higher rates of well being than we have.

Some of those causes of stress: It’s harder than ever for parents to provide secure housing as costs rise and access to social rented housing is reduced. There is poverty in families where both parents are working. More people are in insecure employment meaning they don’t know week to week how much money they will have.

This is really offensive op. You ARE being goady.

There are so many other causes of anxiety these days that you seem to have ignored.

Anecdotally, I have a friend who is a Sahm and her little boy is extremely anxious. He has never been left with anybody before and didnt attend nursery. Now he is really really struggling with starting school. There is no one size fits all approach to bringing up children.

@gingganggooleywotsit

This is really offensive op. You ARE being goady.

I don’t think OP is being goady, and my toddler is at nursery.

‘Goady’ is used like the word ‘bigoted’ is used, it doesn’t mean anything in itself but is used to try to shut up people that are asking a valid, if controversial, question.

If a thread offends you that much just don’t click on it.

OP, When was the last time you actually spoke to a teenage girl?
You say you aren't being goady but it is also clear from other comments that you are only at the musing about putting your lo into nursery.
Both of mine have attended nursery and been very happy - the eldest (a teenage boy) demonstrates no real anxiety except when his computer is threatened. He is very secure in his attachment to us and of our attachment to him as is his 3 y/o sister.
I deal with teenage girls everyday - their anxiety is social media. As a pp stated, they do not switch off from it and it becomes for many, their focal point for validation. There is a herd mentality that as teenagers they are not yet strong enough to resist.

@twelly

I believe the rise in anxiety is due to social media and the way society / schools etc seem to want a label for everything. Things are tough but so times teenagers need to told that coping and dealing with issues is part of life. Anxiety is something thst we all feel - what has happened it is continually used as an excuse

Also very much this. Instead of them accepting they feel nervous about a presentation for example, and that is a normal experience, they decide they have anxiety and their parent rings in to say we can't possibly expect their child to do this task. This happens every time - no previous indicators of anxiety and none after the event, until the next time they have to present. There is a huge amount of self diagnosis and a lack of resilience being encouraged. I have bipolar and BPD, long standing diagnoses of 20 years - I find it insanely tough to do my job at times, but I keep on because I am good at it. This idea of perseverance has been lost.

Very few DC go to nursery for 50 hours a week at any time.

My DS goes 4 days a week 9am - 5pm and we’re very close and have a great bond. He’s nearly 2 and I’ve not yet spent a night away from him.

I think attachment comes from love and security in the long term and closeness and effort in the first couple of years. Most DC love their nurseries; mine does.

I don’t think nursery remotely affects children’s behaviour as teens - that’s to do with parental involvement and nurturing at the time, as well as when younger. Social media and too much internet/screen time is what’s leading to that.

@gingganggooleywotsit

This is really offensive op. You ARE being goady.

I think the working mothers she is criticising include herself though. I dont know if its possible to goad oneself?

My dd was in nursery from 11 months. I felt guilty but had to work full time financially. Fast forward to her starting reception... she and her peers who had been to nursery sailed thru the transition. The kids who’d been at home with sahms? Not so much. The sahm kids (even those who had been to preschool and had siblings at home) cried more, were less independent with things like toileting, dressing, eating. They were less good at independent working, and they struggled with sharing and taking turns. The teacher and TAs really commented on how the kids who’d been at nursery were much better prepared and ready for school.

@gingganggooleywotsit

This is really offensive op. You ARE being goady.

You are being precious.

I assumed that this was a goady thread initially, but I don't actually think that was the OP's intention.

I think the OP is struggling with anxiety about going back to work, and specifically about the impact of using childcare on her child's future mental health. Hopefully, the thread has provided lots of reassurance on that point, though I fear that it may have given hera whole new list of stuff to worry about.

The article @coronabeer posted is great- and a little nugget hidden near the end is that the parent is anxious, nursery is actually protective- ie kids whose parents are anxious who go to nursery are less anxious. The hypothesis is that nursery staff are less likely to let the child avoid situations that make them worried, and the exposure gives them more resilience. If that's reassuring to the OP.

Hardly. It is a mix of SM and personality.
DM was at home I was a very anxious DC.
Nothing to do with working DM's if anything childcare settings will increase confidence in an non naturally anxious DC.

The kids who’d been at home with sahms? Not so much. The sahm kids (even those who had been to preschool and had siblings at home) cried more, were less independent with things like toileting, dressing, eating. They were less good at independent working, and they struggled with sharing and taking turns. The teacher and TAs really commented on how the kids who’d been at nursery were much better prepared and ready for school

I find that hard to believe. In my experience (as a former teacher and pre school worker) the differences between children do not relate to their parents being SAHPS or WOHPs and I'd be surprised if teachers were to discuss that with you! How would you know about their toileting if you weren't in the classroom?