To wonder whether the increase in teen anxiety is the result of

[ivegotmyteddybear]

Fewer sah parents and more nursery when small?

I'm genuinely NOT being goady. It's an opinion I hold, and would like it to be challenged.

My Teen has self harmed and had treatment for anxiety on and off for 5 years
I was a sahm

Maybe.
I think back and do feel badly about all the time I spent in childcare. I can remember being aged 2 at my childminders and just wishing mum would come and get me. Even younger, 18m and being told off by a horrible nanny we had for a short time.
And then all the after school clubs, breakfast clubs, holiday childcare. It did make me feel a bit insecure, just left. And that was only 3 days a week.

I don't think there's better alternative though, unless hands on grandparents, as my mum would have been miserable as a SAHM. Even working PT was a sacrifice, she could have gone much further in her field.

for all those parents of struggling teens.

I was a SAHM. DS had no MH problems until recently. He was easy going, sociable, fun loving, bright and resilient.

He now has crippling anxiety, low mood and suicidal thoughts.

It's incredibly hard seeing your child going through this. I blame myself entirely, I've no idea what I did but as his mum I can't help feel It's my fault.

Alexashutup no I personally don’t feel it’s learned behaviour and I say that as a retired health care professional

DH is actually autistic as are DC, it’s a case of this generation being formally diagnosed that lead to DH’s generation being diagnosed

They’re are all just high functioning anxious aspies which I recognised as DD grew, she was displaying anxiety within a year of starting school which is why she’s now in a non standard setting

I’ve talked at length with the specialist who funnily enough diagnosed DD and DH and there does seem to be this sub group within aspies that suffer with severe anxiety sadly

To the op, the only advice I can offer is to be available, model healthy behaviour and allow careful access to media.

What do you do op? You love them, build trust & keep communication channels open. I broke my heart when I had to go back to work ft when ds was 3 months old (no choice, financially). Childminder, not nursery but still away from him all day, 5 days a week. He's now 21 & I'm so proud of him, we are as close as could be & tho he's had some mental health issues this year (2020 was not the best year abroad for a language student), he's been open & honest and we've found solutions & support. IMO the best thing you can do is stay close, understand when they tell you something & just love them x

I've no idea what I did but as his mum I can't help feel It's my fault.

I'm sure it isn't your fault, @freckles20. These things are so complex. Please don't blame yourself.

freckles20 one of the hardest things as a parent is to see your child suffer, and it's entirely normal for parents, mothers especially, to feel that it's somehow their fault.

The reality is that there isn't always a 'why?' to explain mental health problems, sometimes they just happen.

Although it's clear that the pandemic, lockdown restrictions and extensive periods of isolation have been extremely harmful for many children, teens and young adults (even if necessary from a public health pov).

I hope that is able to get some good support.

@AlexaShutUp

OP, have I understood correctly - is your ds very small and you are trying to decide what to do about WOH/SAH?

If that's the case, can I ask if you have any issues with anxiety yourself that may be causing you to worry about what might happen to your ds in his teenage years? If so, can I suggest that one of the best things that you might be able to do for him is seek help with your own issues so that you can model healthy coping strategies for him as he grows up?

Yes.

Luckily I'm currently in counselling for low confidence/self esteem/anxiety/binge eating disorder

Just another point op, I was sent to nursery at 6 weeks old, ate a poor diet and had most things against me in childhood

Ironically my mental health is rock solid unlike the rest of the family but I don’t do social media and never have

Luckily I'm currently in counselling for low confidence/self esteem/anxiety/binge eating disorder

Well done for seeking support, OP. That's a really positive thing.

On a serious note - they are part of a generation that are bombarded with messages that the future will be shit.

Global warming, the economy, rising house prices, stagnating wages, lack of jobs.

Couple that with the same time perfection on social media, I can see why it’s miserable.

I’m very anxious and had a SAHM. I’d say social media is more likely.

Thank you @AlexaShutUp and @christinarossetti19 for your very kind words.

I do think lockdown has contributed. DS was just reaching that stage where he was naturally pulling away from me and towards his mates. Then bang- lockdown.

He is very lucky to have has access to a school counsellor which I am hopeful might help.

No.

It's to do with permanent online connectivity with social media, and parenting that doesn't allow toddlers/young children/primary aged children to fail and have to try again with things.

Imo.

@Chihuahuacat

On a serious note - they are part of a generation that are bombarded with messages that the future will be shit.

Global warming, the economy, rising house prices, stagnating wages, lack of jobs.

Couple that with the same time perfection on social media, I can see why it’s miserable.

Yes they are but I think back to the 80s. I moved to Yorkshire at the height of the Ripper murders, was men were told do to stay in by the police and there were reclaim the night protests (sounds familiar). There were riots the night my little brother was born. I was terrified of dying in nuclear war or a nuclear power plant accident. We were running out of fossil fuels, the planet was dying, there was no such thing as society and AIDS was going to kill us all! I was going on anti-nazi march's and Muslim protesters were burning copies of the Satanic Verses in Bradford. So generation z don't have the monopoly on angst.

Was men = women 🤔

Maybe?

I do think when kids are away a lot from home, and especially if the caregivers they have are irregular, it can lead to issues around attachment.

I remember going to daycare and various in home caregivers, all of them nice enough places but I was anxious in all of them. Very aware of the fact that I was not at home in my own place, and in daycare I found the number of children difficult, too loud and no where to get away. I found school difficult at times for similar reasons when I was in the earlier years.

@ivegotmyteddybear Out of interest, how much of the motivation for ypour post was hoping people would relieve your anxiety, and how much was you hoping that people would confirm that you were a terrible person and putting your child in nursery would destroy their future happiness? Because we could do that if you really want us to, but it wouldnt be true and you wouldnt deserve it.
It is the equivalent of suffering from body dismorphia and posting a photo of yourself online asking strangers to tell you if you are ugly or not -understandable but not healthy behaviour.

I'm the product of a stay at home parent upbringing and I suffer from clinically diagnosed anxiety that at times rules my life. My DC comes from a two working parent household and is confident, happy and well balanced. Keep on challenging those strange views!

I've been thinking about this recently too. If putting our kids into nursery before 1 is contributing to mental health problems as it takes a whole year to establish your connection with your baby.

I never wanted to be a sahm, but I'm about to take my second year off work to stay at home with my son. I know this isn't affordable for everyone and it's not an easy thing to do. Nor do I judge those choosing/needing to put little one into nursery and going back to work.
But I also think social media/phones play a large role in worsening mental health in children and teens nowadays

As an aside, I did put my son in nursery (at younger than one) and if I had my time again I probably wouldnt. He was/is fine (and talks of his old nursery still. We were lucky that the people there were lovely). However, I suffered huge guilt and anxiety over it and for the first year or so he was in nursery was constantly pulled in 2 directions with work/my child. I wished I could have cloned myself. To be honest, I missed the time I could have spent with my child.

Except, if I had my time again i probably would still have put him in nursery and gone to work just the same because it was the best option at the time. I was the only person earning money (my son's father massively let me down, long story...) and if I hadnt worked I dont know how we would have bought food, paid rent, or how we would be in the lovely home we have now.

So I did the best in my circumstances, my son turned out fine. If I had done differently he would also have turned out fine. You love your child. You will be doing the best you can for him in your circumstances (whether you go back to work full time, stay home or something inbetween) and he will turn out fine as well.

@FlemCandango To be fair, the 80s were THE decade of depressing music and gloomy teenagers. It is still the decade people return to when they want to channel angst (wonders of to listen to Joy Division)

My dd has suffered from anxiety. I was a SAHM, bf until she was 3, and run a business from home now so am always around...

Anxiety is just one of those things. Dd and I have a fabulous, close relationship.

I don't think it's very fair blaming anxiety on people for choosing to put their dc in childcare - many people don't have a choice. And I don't think it affects attachment.

@SmokedDuck

Maybe?

I do think when kids are away a lot from home, and especially if the caregivers they have are irregular, it can lead to issues around attachment.

I remember going to daycare and various in home caregivers, all of them nice enough places but I was anxious in all of them. Very aware of the fact that I was not at home in my own place, and in daycare I found the number of children difficult, too loud and no where to get away. I found school difficult at times for similar reasons when I was in the earlier years.

Isn't it hard to disentangle cause and correlation here, though? I was in childcare from six months and don't remember any anxiety about it, or school. But I wasn't a very anxious child in general. A child who is anxious might be anxious about being away from their parents without it meaning that they must be anxious because they're away from their parents.