To want to be sterilised

Rumtumtummy · 2021-03-15T13:02:48+00:00

I'm in my late twenties and I don't have DC. I do not want any and I have various reasons for this. I've asked my GP about getting sterilised, but the answer I end up getting is just that contraception is easier and better, which I don't agree with at all. Contraception has caused me nothing but issues in the past and I've tried almost all of them. Has anyone been able to get sterilised on the NHS? AIBU to be a bit annoyed at how hard it is to get approved? I'll probably end up having to get it done privately.

BlondehairRedlips · 15/03/2021 13:07

I'm 25 , have four children, and they won't sterilise me either. I've begged and pleaded but I'm too young apparently, and ' I might change my mind'. If you can afford it go private, chances of getting sterilised on the NHS when you are young and child free are practically 0.

darkclouds232 · 15/03/2021 13:07

YANBU and it's ridiculous how hard this seems to be for women. I wonder if men wanting to get a vasectomy encounter the same difficulties.

Neron · 15/03/2021 13:09

No, I tried for many years and they wouldn't. GP wanted me to try all the contraception options too.
In the end, it came down to doing it privately or DH having the snip (which I appreciate isn't helpful to you).

One thing I was shocked about, was it never being accepted that I knew my own mind and that I was never having children. DH on the other hand, had a vasectomy on the NHS. 1st appointment to enquire about it, was sent away with a leaflet to think about it. Went back after the couple of weeks like they suggested, said he felt the same, and they booked him in.

Unanananana · 15/03/2021 13:11

I asked after my second child was born and told 'come back when you are 35'. I did so, and they have refused. Its not funded in my area. But men can get a vasectomy at the GP within six weeks, no questions asked.

Its disgraceful.

Nipplynoranoo · 15/03/2021 13:11

@BlondehairRedlips

I'm 25 , have four children, and they won't sterilise me either. I've begged and pleaded but I'm too young apparently, and ' I might change my mind'. If you can afford it go private, chances of getting sterilised on the NHS when you are young and child free are practically 0.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/03/2021 13:13

I got sterilised privately when I was 27 after having my two children, but given your age and not ever having a child, your chances of getting one on the NHS are zero. Go private if you can, and even if you do you might face resistance.

Original poster

Rumtumtummy · 15/03/2021 13:14

DH is thinking of having the snip and it's an option we are considering. Neither of us want children. They haven't said yes to him yet, but he was definitely more positively received when suggesting it. Meanwhile I was told a hundred reasons as to why it wasn't a good idea.

OP posts:

QueenStromba · 15/03/2021 13:14

I was sterilised at your age, also childless. I actually found it really easy to get the referral once I was in front of the GP but I had done a lot preparation. Research all of the methods, complication rates and efficacy rates. Get a list of every other method of contraception and come up with a reason why none of them work for you. Ask the receptionist for an appointment with the GP most likely to agree to refer you. You're already doing the last thing on my list - I started an AIBU thread asking for reasons not to get sterilised. With that prep you should be able to convince a receptive doctor to refer you.

WhySoSensitive · 15/03/2021 13:15

Being sterilised is permanent, a vasectomy is reversible.
I’ve had reproductive health issues since I was a child and even though surgery was the best option to prevent chronic pain they still refused because the risk to my ovaries was too great.
Bodily autonomy my arse.

An0n0n0n · 15/03/2021 13:19

If i was you I'd book again and ask for the doctors to go through the NICE guidelines and next steps and insist that you want to take whatever the next step is (counselling whatever).

If you think its a sexism issue then raise it with the practice manager.

JorisBonson · 15/03/2021 13:20

I hear you OP. I'm 36, childfree by choice and have debilitating endometriosis, PCOD, fibroids, cycts, you name it. I've been begging for a hysterectomy for the past decade, but I can't have it done "in case I change my mind". Unfortunately I can't afford to go private. I just want this organ out of my body that only causes me pain!

JorisBonson · 15/03/2021 13:20

(not sure if organ was the right word there!)

JustLyra · 15/03/2021 13:24

You have no chance in your 20's.

I have 5 biological children. The youngest two were conceived on contraception (one on the implant and one with the coil). The youngest has significant health issues that mean she will need life long care. My GP knows that I intended to terminate the last pregnancy, however a sonographer turned the screen so I saw the baby at my appointment (they were disciplined for their actions) and I couldn't do it. My DH has been rejected for vasectomy because of blood clotting issues.

They still wouldn't even discuss it with me and told me to come back when I'm 40 and they'll discuss it.

I had taken it to the point of properly going through the complaints system because they were ignoring the guidelines, but then Covid hit and everything stopped.

Original poster

Rumtumtummy · 15/03/2021 13:25

@QueenStromba

I was sterilised at your age, also childless. I actually found it really easy to get the referral once I was in front of the GP but I had done a lot preparation. Research all of the methods, complication rates and efficacy rates. Get a list of every other method of contraception and come up with a reason why none of them work for you. Ask the receptionist for an appointment with the GP most likely to agree to refer you. You're already doing the last thing on my list - I started an AIBU thread asking for reasons not to get sterilised. With that prep you should be able to convince a receptive doctor to refer you.

That's really encouraging

. So far I've been told:

"You're too young"

"Contraception is more effective"

"If you change your mind it will be too late"

OP posts:

Pyewackect · 15/03/2021 13:40

I was sterilized at 28 after three unplanned pregnancies but I had to go privately. In fact I didnt even bother talking to my GP. The issue is cost. Make some enquiries but use somebody reputable. It was worth every penny as far as I was concerned.

Pyewackect · 15/03/2021 13:42

How can "Contraception is more effective" ?. That's just bollocks, no pun intended.

TheGoogleMum · 15/03/2021 13:43

It's really hard to get a GP to agree to sterilisation if you are under 30 (maybe even older) and haven't had kids "you might change your mind!". I think women should be allowed to make this decision if in sound mind and feel this way over time (maybe give it 6 months to think about it as it is irreversible). It's a shame we aren't allowed to make these decisions about our own bodies

WhoAreYah · 15/03/2021 13:50

It’s major surgery for a woman, a lunchtime procedure for a man. Let him get the snip.

LeSquigh · 15/03/2021 13:50

YANBU BUT you are still very young and whilst I don’t mean to infer that you don’t know your own mind and be sure of what you want I did feel exactly the same as you at your age and then suddenly in my early 30s I did actually change my mind and now have two children. Since I’ve had the children I again wanted to be sterilised, the only contraception I can use is condoms, which is horrible. Despite having two kids, being over 40 and having two difficult pregnancies and births, one of which caused significant mental health issues the NHS were very reluctant to sterilise. I did eventually get it agreed then my partner stepped in and said he would get a vasectomy so I cancelled my operation. He’s now gone back on his word and decided he doesn’t want one and there’s little chance I will get a sterilisation agreed. This is a whole other story but I suppose what I am saying is that I can see why the NHS refuse them when there are normally other options and that the operation is a fairly invasive one with risks, as with all ops.

If this is really for you keep pushing but also be aware that there is a chance you may feel differently as you get older. I really didn’t think I would but I did.

Just trying to give another perspective. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

WhoAreYah · 15/03/2021 13:52

P.S the nhs surgical waiting list at the moment is insane, at an all time high and growing thanks to covid. If you get referred you’ll be waiting a long time x

Crowsandshivers · 15/03/2021 13:55

Get DH to go private. My DH had to in the end. It cost about £400 so wasn't unreasonable. So much more straight forward and less invasive than sterilisation.

namechangemarch21 · 15/03/2021 14:00

I actually have to say I see it from the doctor's perspective a bit - I have two close friends who never wanted children including my best friend from the age of 11 who even then didn't want them.

People always used to say 'oh she'll change her mind' and it used to always really annoy me as she was always consistent and knew her own mind. I don't think she ever looked into sterilisation but she had long term contraception that worked well for her so it was never an issue. Except, in her mid-thirties, she did change her mind. As did the other friend, though she was a bit older.

My first friend's explanation was that after ten years marriage to her husband he started to think a child would be nice. She knew at that point he would step up, and do the majority of parenting, and that she had enough money and was advanced enough in her career to fund childcare, and one of the main reasons she didn't want children was because of her career focus so she went for it. So far is sticking to one child.

The other friend is a bit more bizarre: her and her partner were both adamant they didn't want children, then she was told at a hospital appointment out of the blue at 38 she was about to lose her fertility and if she wanted to have a child she'd need to do it in a six month window and somehow that made her decide to give it a go. They've also only had one child.

I knew both of these women for twenty years as they were sure they didn't want children, and would have supported them in choosing sterilisation if they wanted that. I've also spent some time on conception boards and been staggered by the number of people trying to conceive with men who have had vasectomy reversals. So I guess, a lot of people must change their minds. I'm not at all saying you're one of them, but I suppose from a GPs point of view they have no obvious way to tell who will change their mind and who won't.

ScoobyCat · 15/03/2021 14:01

Get DP to get the snip.

Original poster

Rumtumtummy · 15/03/2021 14:05

@LeSquigh

YANBU BUT you are still very young and whilst I don’t mean to infer that you don’t know your own mind and be sure of what you want I did feel exactly the same as you at your age and then suddenly in my early 30s I did actually change my mind and now have two children. Since I’ve had the children I again wanted to be sterilised, the only contraception I can use is condoms, which is horrible. Despite having two kids, being over 40 and having two difficult pregnancies and births, one of which caused significant mental health issues the NHS were very reluctant to sterilise. I did eventually get it agreed then my partner stepped in and said he would get a vasectomy so I cancelled my operation. He’s now gone back on his word and decided he doesn’t want one and there’s little chance I will get a sterilisation agreed. This is a whole other story but I suppose what I am saying is that I can see why the NHS refuse them when there are normally other options and that the operation is a fairly invasive one with risks, as with all ops.

If this is really for you keep pushing but also be aware that there is a chance you may feel differently as you get older. I really didn’t think I would but I did.

Just trying to give another perspective. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

But changing your mind is only considered a big deal if you're opting out of motherhood. Being young, again, only matters if I don't want children. If I was pregnant right now, at my age, nobody would ask me if I was sure, or say that I was a bit young. They'd all be congratulating me and asking me what my plans for a gender reveal party are going to be.

If I don't have children and end up regretting that decision, it's only me who ends up miserable. If I bring a child into the world and then realised I didn't want one, I'm messing up the life of someone else as well. Having a baby tends to be pretty permanent too after all.

OP posts:

seepingweeping · 15/03/2021 14:05

I asked to be sterilised at 26 and they said no. I had 1 ds. I went on to have dd and asked again to be sterilised. They said no and I fought them. I was sterilised after I had dd when I was 33.

They were very quick to suggest my husband had the snip even though I was asking to be sterilised.

Keep on op, they will listen eventually. It took them 5 months (I was pregnant at the time) and lots of counselling for them to finally agree. I was sterilised right after I had dd.

I have never felt so relieved knowing that I was sterile.