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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to be sterilised

83 replies

Rumtumtummy · 15/03/2021 13:02

I'm in my late twenties and I don't have DC. I do not want any and I have various reasons for this. I've asked my GP about getting sterilised, but the answer I end up getting is just that contraception is easier and better, which I don't agree with at all. Contraception has caused me nothing but issues in the past and I've tried almost all of them. Has anyone been able to get sterilised on the NHS? AIBU to be a bit annoyed at how hard it is to get approved? I'll probably end up having to get it done privately.

OP posts:
Babyboomtastic · 16/03/2021 16:12

I do think it's one of those particular decisions though that it's very common to be a firm 'no' on in your 20's before it being a yes in your 30's, so I do think the likelihood of a change of mind should be part of the whole picture.

Anyway,I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to choose, far from it, but more that if you do, it's your risk that you undertake in the full understanding of the concequences.

It's also very different from people regretting having children. There are many children who, after having children, regret not staying child free, but they also love the children they had and don't regret having them specifically, if that makes sense. Even those that regret children are generally horrified by the idea that they could give up their children for adoption, or hypothetically click their fingers and they didn't exist. My understanding is that it's a much more complex regret and mixture of feelings than this.

There aren't many decisions in life which will irriversibly and delibrately shut off avenues in life. You could marry and move to a different country, for example, and you'd be giving up the UK and family here, but you could move back if unhappy. Jobs and career paths can be changed.

So I can understand that the decision to irriversibly shut off having children (reversal isn't easy for women) needs to be taken seriously, and I think if given on the NHS, it should involve compulsory counseling, and a cooling off period. But ultimately, as an adult, it's your risk to run and your wish should be respected.

I do think that given you have a partner, him getting a vasectomy might be better, as it's easier, and in the event that you both did change your mind, then more realistic to reverse. As unlikely as that seems now, a plan b is just your looking out for all the possibilities of the future.

Larryslockdownlunch · 16/03/2021 16:15

I'm 43 and have 5 children. I can't have hormonal contraceptives due to severe migraines. They STILL won't sterilise me.

CleanQueen123 · 16/03/2021 16:37

I'm 29, have one child, and absolutely no intention of having any more.

I've asked at least 5 times to be sterilised and keep being told I'm too young, might change my mind, and "just need to meet the right man" Hmm

I have a horrific history with contraception, as detailed at length in my medical records.

I can't afford to go private so the option I'm currently opting for is celibacy. But the idea of doing that for the rest of my child bearing years doesn't fill me with joy.

HTH1 · 16/03/2021 16:41

@Rumtumtummy

DH is thinking of having the snip and it's an option we are considering. Neither of us want children. They haven't said yes to him yet, but he was definitely more positively received when suggesting it. Meanwhile I was told a hundred reasons as to why it wasn't a good idea.
I think this sounds like a better idea, as a vasectomy won’t mean you (or DH) going through major surgery!
poshme · 16/03/2021 16:54

There's no way I'd ever be sterilised.

I know someone who was, (she was told having more children would be dangerous for her- which is how she got the sterilisation).

She got pregnant 6 months later & had to have a termination.
Was very traumatic.
I wouldn't trust it.

reesewithoutaspoon · 16/03/2021 17:04

i was sterilised at 24 after 2 children (this was in 1990) I had to fight for it though.

Sunflowerpower11 · 16/03/2021 17:39

I'm also in my 20s wishing to be sterilised. I think I will have to go private eventually, I just hope I can find someone to do it.

Totally agree with everything you've said OP, the whole regret argument is very one sided. If I regret not having children that's my issue only but being a regretful parent could affect a child too.

As to vasectomies that wouldn't really be much help if I broke up with my partner or was raped. I want the reassurance of knowing my body can't get pregnant.

CleanQueen123 · 16/03/2021 19:07

@Sunflowerpower11 that's how I feel. If I later regret a choice I made when I was in full possession of the facts, that's my look out.

I'm single but I like to think I might not remain celibate for the rest of my life. I can't exactly ask any man I want to have sex with to have a vasectomy first!

So my option is contraception, hoping it has minimal side effects and doesn't fail, and knowing I'll be having a termination if it does.

Funnily enough that idea doesn't send me sprinting to the bedroom.

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