To really wish my parents hadn’t decided to make my middle name my given name

[abigbloodynuisance]

This has always annoyed me. Names are fictitious.

Name is Anna. Middle name Doris. Surname Donaldson.

Parents realise Doris Anna Donaldson spells DAD and think it’s funny so decide to go with that. But I’ve only ever been known as Anna. However, passport, driving licence, etc, are all Doris Anna.

It’s caused so many problems in big and small ways and mostly it’s just embarrassing having to explain myself. (It doesn’t help that my actual name is foreign so I always have to spell it anyway!)

I know I’ll get people who haven’t RTFP telling me to change it but since my line of work requires me to state any name changes it looks a bit peculiar and looks like I used to be called Doris and decided myself to be Anna and I didn’t!

So AIBU for being a bit fucked off about this? Note ‘a bit.’ I haven’t been stewing on it for forty odd years but it does annoy me a bit.

Changing it and explaining a few times is easier than explaining it a million times in the future. Noone would think it's weird. I know a couple of people who have the same problem and it drives them mad too.

Mu mum has this issue, and also has to spell her first and middle name. Think, "That's Sarah, no H, and Jane, no Y. But I go by Jane." It's pretty common here too, from what I understand, so people wouldn't blink an eye at it.

Yanbu,
Some people prefer there middle name and choose it over there first name.
I know a couple of people who have done this.
People probably dont give it a second thought when they find out .
But your parents decided to swap your middle and first names over to make amusing initials and had no intention of ever calling you by your registered first name , thats just unkind and a bit mad and its understandable you are peed off by it.
I know you dont want to change it by deed poll but I would be tempted , just to take back control. How often do you need to explain it for your work? Would it be any worse than the explaining you are doing now?

I don't know why having a gentle moan about ones name seems to make people decide you're hysterical. I had exactly the same reaction when I posted somewhere about wishing I had a name that was for me, rather than having three names, my GGM's as my first name and my GM's and DM's as middle names. I've also seen the same reaction to people posting other name related mild annoyances.

I don't know why people react that way. Our names are part of our identity. As a teacher in a very multi racial town, I was always at great pains to ensure that I was pronouncing my pupils' names properly, because it matters. It's who they are.

That people think that being mildly frustrated about something that is part of you and goes where you go is unreasonable and an overreaction is really odd.

? It's not that odd to be known by a different name to your "official" name in lots of countries. Obviously a pain for you but on the plus side it is an extra layer of security for you for the casual attempts to scam etc? (Clutches at straws)

Nor me sara, nor me.

Runner, that’s what bothers me tbh, and note to ‘you are hysterical’ posters it’s a relatively mild sort of ‘bothers.’ But it does feel like I was just a joke to them.

And while people barking at me to change my name is one thing, this is obviously only something I’ve had the luxury as an adult. As a shy ten year old, having to correct teachers, brownie leaders, etc, was difficult and as we can see from some relies here, people seem to find it immensely irritating for some reason!

I use my middle name, so does my brother and two of my grandparents when they were alive. I haven't found it a problem. I make it clear to everyone I go by my middle name and to factor that in when paying bills, professional registration etc.

My dad and my mother in law both go by their middle names and don't seem to have ever had a problem with it.

So we did the same for DS
He has a sensible first name, and 'cool' middle name. He goes by his middle name, but if he wants to be a high court judge, he can use his first name.

The only time it has ever caused a 'problem' was when we come through passport control, and the immigration officers give him a cheery 'Hello James' and he gives them a totally blank stare, so we explain that he goes by his middle name, so then they say 'oh, hello cool name' and he then says 'hello' back.

Other than that, it has literally never caused a problem of any sort

I share your pain OP. I am known by my middle name as it is a “Family Tradition” started by my grandmother. Fortunately my middle name is acceptable but my first name is hideous - think Deirdre. It’s easy to remember my name for official purposes ie doctor, dentist, hospital, but lesser utilities ie mobile phone contract gets confusing as I can never remember which name I gave. I’ve been blocked a few times by the provider before I took my passport into the ship along with my birth certificate.

Now I use my full name on car insurance, household stuff to avoid embarrassing myself .

The only upside is that I can tell when I get a scam email (my email address is something like [email protected]) as that is usually addressed to my middle name. PayPal is typical ie “Dear Diptyque, you have been hacked, click here to view the details.”

I keep thinking about changing my name but I have my maiden name, my step-father’s name when adopted, my first marriage name, my second marriage name - I think everyone’s head would explode if I added my forenames into this mix!

Tbf gappy my own kids and parents would probably say it had never caused a problem for me.

I mean you are probably right, you know your own DS and dad, but I don’t tend to moan about it. (Only on here.) In rl I just inwardly sigh.

And I have called my children by their first name.

People who are called by their first name do not get this issue.

I very much regret doing this with DS1's name. The two names we wanted to use only fit together with the one we call him second. We also gave him both our surnames with no hyphen. It causes all sorts of problems and he usually uses one of each for restaurant bookings etc.
I have apologised profusely to him and given the chance would go back in time and not do it that way again. If that wasn't enough I gave DS2 3 first names, plus the two surnames and he has problems booking flights and other things because he has a name that is too long. I paid the price with that one though as his name labels at school took a very long time to sew on.

OMG op I have this too. Very annoying. Not to mention my first name is pronounced differently to the spelling and very unusual, which people really struggle with.

Just change your name by deed poll. I read your post, but I don’t see an issue. Your work won’t care that you legally changed your name. I know a few people who work in the public sector and legally changed their first name. Some work with children or vulnerable adults and applied for a DBS certificate. They just declared their former names. No big deal.

Since 14 I use my middle name because my first name is ridiculous. I don’t really understand why you are letting it bother you.

Changing it wouldn’t create any additional issues as people are used to women having other names on their DBS etc (plus only the few people allowed to see the certificate would know). It’s not remotely unusual for people to use their middle name anyway.

@ExConstance

I very much regret doing this with DS1's name. The two names we wanted to use only fit together with the one we call him second. We also gave him both our surnames with no hyphen. It causes all sorts of problems and he usually uses one of each for restaurant bookings etc. I have apologised profusely to him and given the chance would go back in time and not do it that way again. If that wasn't enough I gave DS2 3 first names, plus the two surnames and he has problems booking flights and other things because he has a name that is too long. I paid the price with that one though as his name labels at school took a very long time to sew on.

Have you considered changing their names (shortening them) by deed poll? By “3 first names,” do you mean a first name and 2 middle names? That’s not unusual. 2 long surnames would be confusing though!

I’ve explained why it bothers me just.

You chose to swap them round. For me, I don’t really like drawing attention to myself (I’m NOT saying or implying you do!) but I do prefer to quietly fly under the radar.

Having at job interviews ‘ooh do you changed your name ...’ and when I meet people ‘THAT is an unusual name, where is it from!’ and having to correct people ‘actually it isn’t Lyla it’s Layla ...’ or deciding it isn’t worth the hassle and being forever known as Lyla ... It’s something people called Mary or Rebecca or Kate don’t really get!

What a load of fuss. You do sound very spiky OP. Not sure why. Or what you really want from this thread. It’s instinct to try and provide solutions to people when they present a problem they’re bothered with. People aren’t being unkind by doing that.

I’m not spiky in the slightest! Read your post - you are the spiky one, and the one making a fuss!

@abigbloodynuisance

I’ve explained why it bothers me just.

You chose to swap them round. For me, I don’t really like drawing attention to myself (I’m NOT saying or implying you do!) but I do prefer to quietly fly under the radar.

Having at job interviews ‘ooh do you changed your name ...’ and when I meet people ‘THAT is an unusual name, where is it from!’ and having to correct people ‘actually it isn’t Lyla it’s Layla ...’ or deciding it isn’t worth the hassle and being forever known as Lyla ... It’s something people called Mary or Rebecca or Kate don’t really get!

I have a very unusual name. Never met anyone with the same name as me. It’s probably even more unusual than yours because not many people have this name in the country it is from. I honestly don’t care when people ask me where the name is from. I give a quick answer and then we move on.

Loads of people change their first name by deed poll. No one cares. Just say you didn’t like your name and then move on. No biggie.

You sound really sensitive.

My Dad was from a generation where it was common to use the first name of his father and then go by the middle name, so he was (eg) John Frank, always know as Frank. Virtually nobody would have known he was a John.

As he got old this became more of an issue. Hospitals for example always use the correct name- even if asked not to a 100 times. He developed dementia and I hated hearing him being addressed by the ‘wrong’ name, it must have been so confusing for him.

I’m sure you are many decades away from all of this but I strongly suggest you bite the bullet and have your name altered to the name you prefer to be called by. I’m sure your employer will lower their eyebrows in due course. 😊

I don't understand why you think that changing your name to the one you use anyway would draw attention to yourself. At most it's a one-minute wonder for other people.

Just rubbish to say that you can't change your name because work. You have obviously decided that the convenience of not stating name changes at work outweighs the inconvenience of having the wrong name on your passport etc.

Personally I'd change it and sod what work think.

I have friends who go by their middle name and friends/ family who changed name by deed poll. All fine. No problem.

It annoys you - fair enough. Maybe think of it as if your life is so good that this has become a major issue then you must have a good life.

I'd have to add it up but I think at least half of my family are in the same position, I just assumed it was an Irish thing that you get someone's name as your first name (sort of as an honour to them) but then your parents use your middle name as it is the name they wanted. I didn't do it with my kids as I couldn't see the point and only one of mine was named for someone and they've spent their life moaning about it so that was a disaster but we do use his first name.

I’ve explained nith