To resent the fact that the in-laws (DP's mother, brother and his fiancee) expect to be invited for Christmas ..... again?

[Caroline1852]

They were invited last Christmas and the Christmas before that. Do two consecutive invites make this a family tradition? I feel trapped.

tell dh to tell them they are not coming. his family, he deals with it.

Have you tried the simple tactic of so what are you doing for chrsitmas this year...DH, I and the DC are doing XXX so I was think that we all could meet up on YYYY at XXX'x"

Might work!

I had in laws and my own family over for Christmas for years. One year I just decided enough was enough and said we've decided to spend this christmas day on our own dh was happy with that too. They can visit any other day over the holidays. The first christmas on our own was last year and it was fab!!!!!

I would not like my mother in law to be left on her own, that would feel too mean. It would be nice if my DP's brother and his wife to be took mil off our hands for Christmas, but they are waiting for their invite too. We have a 3 month old baby (and 3 other children), I am not normally a petty person but I feel completely trapped by this.

Get your DH to speak to his brother and give it straight. Its the only solution.

Do Bil/SIL have any kids?

Just say that as its babies first xmas you want to spend it togther as a famiely and that you are sure no one will mind. We can all meet up for boxing day.

Say.... so, who's turn is it to have everyone this year then?

It works for me.

once you get your head round the fact that you are not being rude to ask its much easier.

BIL and his fiancee do not have any children. It makes me cross that they would not offer.

themoon66 - Love your style.

Or shall I suggest we all go out for Christmas lunch. Although this is ridiculous as I actually want to stay at home with my children - without hoards of guests to entertain.

Invite MIL, brother & fiancee over on Boxing day then if MIL looks like she's going to be on her own Christmas Day ivite her for Christmas Day too. Get DH to do the inviting especially of brother!

CarGirl - MIL on Christmas Day and Boxing Day?

Is she not okay - sorry you said you didn't want her being on her own? Okay it's down to DH to speak to brother then and state that you're not issuing an invite for Christmas Day!

Caroline its christmas for you too , If you dont want them to come then don't invite them ,but don't mention not inviting them either.
In my experience the person who starts the 'who's doing what at christmas' conversation is the person who ends up doing everything!
Make sure you and dh are singing from the same hymn sheet though incase they ask him

as regards going out instead , personally I wouldn't find taking 4 children out to a restaurant on christmas day very relaxing but some people would probably love it. Also there is the danger that after the meal they will all come back to your house anyway for coffee etc

families ,who'd 'ave 'em ?

Cargirl - MIL is fine but it would be nice to sometimes do things without her.... we have just come back from a week at Mark Warner (her in interconnecting room). I am feeling a bit in-lawed out.

EmilyD - OMG - clearly that is where I have been going wrong in the past.
Agree about going out with 4 children. I want to stay at home.... it does not seem to be too much to ask does it?

Invite MIL for dinner then make a point of saying BIL and GF that they welcome to come for tea eg after 4pm.

That way you get to stay at home with you children and not have to cater for more people.

if you do end up hosting again this year, make sure that over xmas pudding the kids are primed to ask auntie what xmas dinner is like at her house as they all want to go to her house next year!

Jesuswhatnext's idea is good... 'we want dinner at your house next xmas aunty, coz we lurve you'

you bet your backside i do!!!

Caroline - don't you get to invite your side of the family instead or go to them? We have alternate years with each other's family and within that everyone takes turns at hosting. Still a nightmare though as we are trapped in the whole family having to be there which mean 14 people in the house and at least 8 guests staying a minimum of 2 nights. My turn to host this year -eeek.

idlingabout - My sister has invited us to her house but (I think understandably) she does not want my MIL, BIL and his fiancee. Perhaps I will calm down about it in a few days.

Quite agree that your sister wouldn't want your in-laws. That's why we do turn about; each side of the family only gets to see us at Christmas alternate years. We do, of course ( and it is an additional logistical nightmare) have to have a separate gathering at some point between Christmas and New Year in order to see the other side of the family.
Sorry 'Swedes' are you Caroline?

Yes, sorry should have made that clear. I name changed yesterday. My DS1 (aged 15) told me that caroline1852 was the most boring name on Mumsnet.

Ah I see - cheeky ds but 'Swedes' is a very good name.
Hope you get your dilemma sorted and that you don't end up trapped by someone elses idea of what constitutes tradition.