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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this fucking laughable and want to comment?

112 replies

PrettyLit · 14/03/2021 23:07

My ex has made a statement on social media that is being shared about the current goings on surrounding the Sarah Everard case and basically calling out male violence toward women and talking about how men have the responsibility to educate other men etc etc...

Great you may think?

Except no. This fucking hypocrite abused me for years. Emotionally and physically. He is the most violent and aggressive 'man' I've ever been with and made me fear for my safety on many occasions. I have been irreparably scarred by this person.

I am so angry at the sheer hypocrisy of it and to see people commenting and sharing and fucking thanking him for being a 'good guy'.

I want to comment. I probably won't but my God I want to.

OP posts:
Grinch48 · 15/03/2021 10:18

If your “good man “ you don’t need to post on social media to let people know that your a “good man “
I’m always highly suspicious of any man that says he’s “ nice or a good man”
I will make my own judgment if I think someone I’m with or I know is a good man or not

justanotherneighinparadise · 15/03/2021 10:21

Just write an ambiguous post like the celebrities do. No names needed. If it’s meant to get back to him it will. Otherwise it at least gets it off your chest and you can move on.

OfTheNight · 15/03/2021 10:23

OP, my ex did the same - he once broke my jaw for buying the wrong bin bags.

Ariela · 15/03/2021 10:25

Can you tell the FB friend who shred his post 'were you aware he did this' and ask that she takes down her sharing of his post

onthinice · 15/03/2021 10:28

I feel for you. I was appalled when I found out my abusive ex was training to become a mental health nurse! Someone so capable of destroying the mental health of another person (and enjoyed it too) to then be a key component in someone else's mental health treatment?! Beggars belief. But I've put it down to absolute narcissism. Probably the same case with your ex.

justanotherneighinparadise · 15/03/2021 10:30

I like what you’ve written here. You could easily post that on your time line without further explanation.

There was a woman who knew you well and for a long time. She regularly feared for her safety at your hands. She cried to her family and friends about the emotional abuse she suffered during her relationship with you and begged them not to say anything to you in case it made the situation worse for her. This woman had her confidence and sense of self so shattered by you, that when you'd finished with her she was unrecognisable to those who knew her best. She was scared of saying the wrong thing to you at any given time and the reaction it would produce. Her home was full of holes from your fists, her doors were torn from their hinges and her walls were left marked by the objects thrown at her head. This woman was pinned against walls and had her space invaded by you in moments of such utter rage that she felt the fear of death. She has been irreparably damaged by the emotional turmoil she was subjected to by you daily and still suffers nightmares about you where she wakes up sweating and crying and needing to be consoled by her husband and reminded that she is safe and not back there in her old life.

whatcangowrong · 15/03/2021 10:30

I would comment but it’s probably a terrible idea so you should probably listen to all the sensible people on here. I’d be so angry too.

theotherfossilsister · 15/03/2021 10:31

Excellent message.

I'd just be scared he might see it as an invitation back into your life. It clearly isn't but he sounds like the kind of horrible man who might make it an excuse to try to resume contact

whatcangowrong · 15/03/2021 10:33

I love what you wrote too.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 15/03/2021 10:33

It’s a bit like the people who put overly lovey dovey stuff on FB about their partners .... I always think “ishoos”

Pipepans · 15/03/2021 10:35

Good god, just seen Chris Hemmings twitter. It's nauseatingly laughable. In fact, it actually comes across as a spoof regarding women's. He's practically thanking women for allowing him to breathe. Shaking my head in wonder. He must think his followers are monumentally stupid.

Pipepans · 15/03/2021 10:36

Regarding wokeism, not women's!!

OhCaptain · 15/03/2021 10:39

Why shouldn’t you comment? You don’t share children if I’m reading you correctly?

The high road is overrated and basically just lets people get away with shit.

Being the bigger person is thankless and pointless.

I’d comment on his post with some of your message. I 100% would. He’ll delete it and probably block you but hopefully someone will see it before he gets the chance.

tellmetologoffIamaMNaddict · 15/03/2021 11:01

[quote everythingbackbutyou]@PrettyLit, I don't know if you've heard of the murderer Chris Watts, but when I was discussing him with my ex one time he said something along the lines of "Well, killing your partner in the heat of the moment, I get it, but killing your OWN CHILDREN" (subtext being of course "I'm not a bad person, I know where the acceptable limits are..."). I was already well on the road to leaving at that point, and I am all too familiar with the stats about the most dangerous time for an abused woman being when she tries to get out. So that was reassuring...[/quote]
Jesus. Anyone who can relate to Chris Watts...
It wasn't in the heat of the moment either. It was planned (albeit poorly).
I am glad you got away from the dick.

EastMonkey · 15/03/2021 11:01

I wouldn't comment because he may threaten you with legal action - it is really shit but I wouldn't want that stress in my current life.

Nocar · 15/03/2021 11:04

I think I would steer away from making any direct accusations, in case it back fires on you and gets you in trouble.
Instead make a vague reference to how people that feel the need to state their virtue rarely are, actions speak louder than words etc.- In much better english, I was never a great writer!
The people closest to him will get it and it might act as a source of strength if they are feeling isolated with this women's champion. The people that don't are just sharing any old virtuous FB bollocks and it doesn't matter about them anyway.

FemaleAndLearning · 15/03/2021 11:05

No reaction is the best reaction.
Please block him on all social media. Don't give him the headspace. You know what he really is.

DdraigGoch · 15/03/2021 11:06

The next time that someone on Mumsnet asks "what is virtue signalling?", I'm directing them to this thread. These are clear examples of the genre. Making posts on social media to lap up all of the appreciation and yet doing nothing in real life. In my experience, the people who make the most effort to tell you about how great they are, are the ones who really aren't that great.

Original poster
PrettyLit · 15/03/2021 11:07

Thanks, I'm not going to comment or message him.

But it did feel cathartic to write out what I would say to him.

OP posts:
Sicario · 15/03/2021 11:08

Do please fill out the Government consultation on violence against women and girls.

www.gov.uk/government/consultations/violence-against-women-and-girls-vawg-call-for-evidence

It's really important that we get involved and tell them like it is... that there seems to be no appetite within successive Governments to address misogyny and VAWG because the men in charge refuse to face up to the reality of MALE PERPETRATED VIOLENCE.

For men to face up to male violence against women and girls would mean having a hand in smashing the patriarchy. And the patriarchy is hell bent on keeping male power exactly where it is.

GettingUntrapped · 15/03/2021 11:17

My abusive ex said similar things yesterday about the problem of abusive men. It chilled me.
I also noted that two of the most misogynistic men I know we're extremely quick to encourage people to go to the Clapham vigil to show solidarity with women.
This is big...

boredinthouse · 15/03/2021 11:18

OP my ex is doing the same, so frustrating.

DoverSoul · 15/03/2021 11:21

I hear you, Pretty Flowers

Queenoftheashes · 15/03/2021 11:25

I'd probably comment something subtle like 'lol ok Joss', but it is probably true that no comment is the best comment.

I do also love feminist in the Tweets, misogynist in the sheets. I'm hanging on to that one.

52andblue · 15/03/2021 11:32

OP, I am so sorry you are going through this.

Thank you for posting what you have.

I saw yesterday, on my Cousin's FB page, a post from my Uncle.
He was bleating about Sarah Everard.
He raped me when I was 15.
When I was 25 I went to the The Police. They questioned him, he admitted it, but for other reasons the CPS didn't take it forward.

His posturing makes me sick to my stomach.