To think I'm giving my 7 and a half year old too much independence?

[blameitontheweatherperson]

My daughter is 7 and a half and sometimes I worry I'm putting too much pressure on her to do things on her own.

This is the list of what she does -

• she tidies her room (I never tidy her room)
• she picks up the living room if I ask her
• she will occasionally dust if I ask her
• she runs her own bath and is left to it whilst in the bath except when her hair needs washed
• she goes into the corner shop alone whilst I wait outside (she enjoys doing this and is something she asks to do and only goes in for a sweetie or juice for herself not for my things)
• the odd time I will tell her to sort her own bfast if running late etc and I need to jump in shower.
• the odd time I will tell her to get her own water from the tap/fill up her own cup
• she helps me empty the dishwasher sometimes
• sometimes I will ask her to nip out to car for something, it's in our drive way, no access to main road
• goes to toilet on own at restaurant if she knows the restaurant and I can see toilet entrance
• the other day I was dropping her at school and just at the entrance of the school she saw her friend on her own and she said just to let her out there and she went and walked with her friend, so I didn't get out of the car.

Sometimes I just feel that I expect her to do too much or that these things aren't age appropriate. Can someone help me out?

What are normal chores for 7 and half year old?

This came up because my friend was shocked I never tidy my daughters room for her, I will dust and hoover it but I expect her to tidy it if she makes the mess. My friend says she tidies her kids rooms and it made me feel guilty.

Just me and her in the house.

That all seems perfectly normal. My 4.5yo also does a lot of those things.

Well she does more than my 7.5yo but that's not hard! It sounds fine as long as you are happy she can test bath temperature ok. That's the one thing that worries me. A school friend got badly scalded in the bath at primary age.

It’s all completely fine and normal.

You sound like a great mum and your daughter a great girl.

Happy Mother’s Day! 💐

I personally don't see anything wrong with what you are doing and are raising an independent young girl and woman. My sons are 8 and 6 and they always clean their own room to include dusting and hoovering. I only ever tidy it if it has either gotten out of control or needs a declutter or I'll dust and hoover it as I'm going along.

If your friend never expects her dc to tidy up after themselves she's not doing them any favours tbh

That's normal. I've got 9 and 7 year old boys. They do all that and more. My two will go into the big Tesco with my bank card and get bread and milk or whatever little list I give them, and go through the self check out. I wait at the door outside so no one would be able to grab them and leave without me seeing them. They also both put a load on in the washing machine if asked, can Hoover, empty and fill the dishwasher etc. Making breakfast is normal. If its anything on the stove then I'm in the kitchen too but they do it. Their rooms are theirs to sort. They clean the bathroom sink and shower after use. List goes on.

I'm a single parent too and being honest, I've noticed within my friendship group the that kids of single parents have more independence and responsibility than those from 2 parent households.

It sounds normal. My 6 year old girl does some of these things alone too. I think girls like to be independent as long as it's safe to do so 😃

Very normal. My 4 year old does some of this stuff- and I think he’s probably a bit coddled!

All totally normal

This seems normal to me.
I’m not sure though that them tidying up their room or after themselves is giving them independence of just part of raising rounded children. My 2 year old tidies up and helps me undo pad the dishwasher.
The other things are about what you feel comfortable with. My 7 year old has been getting his own breakfast (cereal) for a few years, he’s now progressed to toast but I won’t let him use the cooker at all by himself. He’ll go to a restaurant toilet by himself if we know where it is and into shops as I wait outside. I wouldn’t be comfortable with him going into a supermarket by himself - this is a little corner shop.
If I’m dropping him off at school he’ll just jump out of the car and into school if we are close enough.
I don’t see a problem with anything you’ve listed.

@winterchills

Not to be persnickety but pls don’t gender this. Boys can and should be encouraged to be “independent” and “responsible” just as much as girls.

As the mum of a boy I get really irked when he misbehaves/ doesn’t do as asked, and my DM puts it down to “boys being boys”. It’s not. It’s my kid being 4 years old a bit of a sod sometimes.

Sounds good, my 7 year old does all these things apart from going to the toilet on her own. I will give her pocket money if she helps me out with cleaning though

My 7.5 year old DD does most of those. I think it's fine

The only thing unusual is that you normally get her water.

@winterchills

What? Just girls then? Do you have any sons? Because it have 2, and they've been chomping at the bit to do things their own way and on their own since they were very little. Just like any kid with that sort of personality.

The only things on your list I wouldn't expect my 6 year old to do by next year are bath alone or be in the driveway (in case the other car returned) or on the pavement alone (crazy parking outside our school) but I would expect that from an 8 year old.

I can't imagine why someone would be shocked that you would expect your 7.5 yo to tidy up after themselves, jealous maybe but not shocked 🤣 i don't think they really sound like chores. It sounds like a mix of tidying up after themselves (i ask my nearly 5 yo to do this, i often have to redo it or do it a bit better but i think it is helping to develop some responsibility), giving you a hand and increasing independence. Things like going into a shop and buying a sweet probably makes most kids feel quite grown up. As long as you are happy that your DD can manage running their own bath etc then all this seems fine.

Sounds normal, my 7 year old DS does chores, baths alone, gets his own breakfast/snacks/drinks.

I love it when stealth boats turn into "yeah my kid does that too" my DD is 8 and has done most of those for some years now

When my girl was 5 she did a kids cookery course with ds who was 8. I arrived to collect one day and she was standing on a chair at the cooker stirring a curry. She had chopped all the vegetables herself.
Nothing you are described is - or should be - out of the ordinary for a 7 year old.

Yes, perfectly normal!! My pain in arse nearly 8 year old ds does all this. I would actually expect him to do more (ie he should make his own breakfast every day as standard). Getting your own drink is expected. Also all kids over the age of 4 should start to tidy up after themselves....

Sounds perfectly normal.

Surely most 7yos get their own drinks and tidy their rooms?

@blameitontheweatherperson I do yes, I have a 4 year old that refuses to do anything himself. I have worked in childcare for many years and it is quite common for girls wanting to be more independent. I never said boys don't but this is an observation I have seen over the years.

Calm down 🤣

My 9 year old son has been doing most if not all for a couple of years now. I even expect the 4 year old to help with chores. And tidy his room before bedtime.
The 9 year old can make breakfast for himself and his sibling.
I don’t fill up water for him any more. I don’t think he would even ask.
I do tidy his room because our versions of ‘tidy’ are not quite the same.

Completely normal for a 7 year old. Mine are 7 and 9 and I never do breakfasts now unless it’s pancakes or something. DD (7) has recently graduated to making her own toast and needs zero help from beginning to end - she loves doing this alone and it’s great that she can.