To think I'm giving my 7 and a half year old too much independence?

[blameitontheweatherperson]

My daughter is 7 and a half and sometimes I worry I'm putting too much pressure on her to do things on her own.

This is the list of what she does -

• she tidies her room (I never tidy her room)
• she picks up the living room if I ask her
• she will occasionally dust if I ask her
• she runs her own bath and is left to it whilst in the bath except when her hair needs washed
• she goes into the corner shop alone whilst I wait outside (she enjoys doing this and is something she asks to do and only goes in for a sweetie or juice for herself not for my things)
• the odd time I will tell her to sort her own bfast if running late etc and I need to jump in shower.
• the odd time I will tell her to get her own water from the tap/fill up her own cup
• she helps me empty the dishwasher sometimes
• sometimes I will ask her to nip out to car for something, it's in our drive way, no access to main road
• goes to toilet on own at restaurant if she knows the restaurant and I can see toilet entrance
• the other day I was dropping her at school and just at the entrance of the school she saw her friend on her own and she said just to let her out there and she went and walked with her friend, so I didn't get out of the car.

Sometimes I just feel that I expect her to do too much or that these things aren't age appropriate. Can someone help me out?

What are normal chores for 7 and half year old?

This came up because my friend was shocked I never tidy my daughters room for her, I will dust and hoover it but I expect her to tidy it if she makes the mess. My friend says she tidies her kids rooms and it made me feel guilty.

Just me and her in the house.

@beyondtheshoe where did I say anything about motorway toilets? 😂

I think anyone that considers this a boast does so due to a personal reaction they are having within themselves to be honest.

Yeah I wouldn't let her use supermarket toilets alone if it can be avoided. Cafes / small restaurants etc would be fine.

My daughter who is 7.5 8 in July does the same she also makes her own breakfast toast, cereal , and she use the microwave so she will heat leftovers she knows not to put metal in the microwave. I will ask her to help load the dishwasher 😂😂

Household stuff is fine.
I didn’t learnt children in the school playground alone etc though it out the front door even in our drive.
I also go to toilet with them in restaurants.

You do 'clean' her room, she just keeps it tidy, so you are both doing great. same age DS does these things. He also puts the kettle on although never touches it after (he desperately want to be helpful). I let him put the milk in undersupervision. He did make his own toast at 4 without my knowledge and just said magic did it.

I do take him into the ladies loo though as I don't want him in a mens toilet on his own. A girl would be fine though in the ladies. (sad reflection on society)

Let not learnt.

Only thing I wouldn't do with my just 8yo on your list is the car drop off at school, but we are expected to drop them at the classroom door (outside). Only in Yr4 can they be left.. and Yr5&6 expected to walk alone.

Last summer, DH started taking DDs camping alone, aged 7&9. They go to the ladies showers together while DH uses the men's. Technically, I suppose he could have taken 7yo DD with him, but overall we thought the girls going together was better. They had to work it all out themselves in there.

@blameitontheweatherperson

I think anyone that considers this a boast does so due to a personal reaction they are having within themselves to be honest.

My youngest is in year 2.

Half of his friends are on the same level of chores by now. So it IS a weird thread for something perfectly normal.

Same as If you started a thread asking if you are expecting too much for giving your 7 year old reading books level 2.

Sounds normal to me. My 7 yr old made me breakfast in bed this morning- pancakes (made from scratch) with chopped bananas and strawberries and a cup of tea. My 5 yr old on the other hand...he claims he can't even put on socks 🤣

Re toilets out and about... I started doing this when DDs were approaching the age that they couldn't use the men's, so they were used to doing it when I wasn't there as back up (eg with DH, their grandfather's or their uncle). I know FIL was reassured they were confident in doing so when he takes them out... We do 'handovers' at motorway service stations when not in Lockdown.

The only thing I don't do is let her go to the toilet on her own out and about. I will always go in a wait outside the cubicle

@beyondtheshoe when you make comments like that do you ever just stop & think maybe this person doesn't rely on google to know whether what her 7.5 year old does is normal?

I don't ask questions like these because people like you think it's some kind of stealth boast but I often wonder if what my DD is normal/what I let her do is okay etc because I don't have any 'mum' friends to ask/go off. I don't rely on google because there are hundreds of articles with completely different answers so sometimes it's nice to hear from other parents with kids the same age.

Maybe OP is the same? Or maybe she doesn't ask in person because she's unfortunately got friends like you who accuse her of boasting

Sounds good!I think a lot depends on the child. My 3yo tidies their own room, would get own water and helps me empty dishwasher.

My 6yo couldnt keep her room tidy if I paid her to do it ( sadly she's a chip off the old block!) But I would give her freedom to play / explore with her friends more than others her age as she knows her limits there.

Sounds like your daughter is doing really well. My nine year old has a break down if I ask him to tidy up his room, but he does the rest of the things on your list fine. The only thing I would be wary of is her going to the toilet on her own at seven (as others have said). I've only just let my eldest son start going on his own and I generally tell him to use the disabled/parent and child toilet if there's nobody waiting for them.

Wish my kids were like that!

It's brilliant that she is so capable. If I had my time again (DC are now adults) I'd have been more willing to let them get on with stuff unaided. It's something i put right just in time before they left home.

She does more than my teen and that's not a criticism. Seems to me perfectly acceptable but still keeping it safe.

@StormcloakNord well put! Thank you! Totally agree about Google, very conflicting information makes it difficult.

Perfectly normal, and you could probably add a regular task or two. My now 9-yr old has spent the last year or two doing a significant chunk of the household tasks. It's not like I'm sending him down t'pit but I imagine I have another 3 or 4 years before he stops listening to me so these are the prime skill-developing years to ensure I don't inflict yet another useless man on the world.

My 8 year old has been getting up, going downstairs, and getting his own breakfast for at least 2 years. He can make toast or cereal. ALways makes his own breakfast and drinks unoless I am in the kitchen when he asks. He sometimes makes 5 yr old DD hers.
I am just starting to teach 5 yr old DD how to do her own drinks and cereal.
DD (5) just had a shower in our ensuite whilst I ironed in my bedroom. I checked on her to remind her to wash not just sit in the shower. She washed the soap out herself (shoulder length hair).
Only thing my 8 yr old doesn't do on your list in the shop but that is purely due to COVID. By xmas I expect him to be able to go to our corner shop (3 min walk max!) and make small purchases like milk or bread on his own.
Both kids do chores. Tidy bedrooms, toys they have left out, hoover, clean sinks, put away their own clothes.

Oh dear - my 7 year old DS makes out he can’t even put his own socks on

What an odd thing to post about. Did you genuinely think that was even the slightest chance you were being unreasonable?

When you’re a single parent you don’t have another adult in the house to bounce these things off. Given that so many delightful pp feel that OP is boasting I can understand why she would prefer to ask anonymously online rather than speaking to RL friends, especially as it was one of those RL friends who made her doubt herself in the first place.

My 8yo DD cycled independently to a meeting point this year due to staggered covid finish times, and although I got comments about her being too young, the school said it was up to me. She has thrived and is happy to stretch her independence. It is totally down to each child what they are able to cope with, but I try to encourage safe independence if at all possible.

I was a bit surprised when my 7 years old made and cooked his own pizza during a playdate with friends, but basic chores? come on...