To think I'm giving my 7 and a half year old too much independence?

[blameitontheweatherperson]

My daughter is 7 and a half and sometimes I worry I'm putting too much pressure on her to do things on her own.

This is the list of what she does -

• she tidies her room (I never tidy her room)
• she picks up the living room if I ask her
• she will occasionally dust if I ask her
• she runs her own bath and is left to it whilst in the bath except when her hair needs washed
• she goes into the corner shop alone whilst I wait outside (she enjoys doing this and is something she asks to do and only goes in for a sweetie or juice for herself not for my things)
• the odd time I will tell her to sort her own bfast if running late etc and I need to jump in shower.
• the odd time I will tell her to get her own water from the tap/fill up her own cup
• she helps me empty the dishwasher sometimes
• sometimes I will ask her to nip out to car for something, it's in our drive way, no access to main road
• goes to toilet on own at restaurant if she knows the restaurant and I can see toilet entrance
• the other day I was dropping her at school and just at the entrance of the school she saw her friend on her own and she said just to let her out there and she went and walked with her friend, so I didn't get out of the car.

Sometimes I just feel that I expect her to do too much or that these things aren't age appropriate. Can someone help me out?

What are normal chores for 7 and half year old?

This came up because my friend was shocked I never tidy my daughters room for her, I will dust and hoover it but I expect her to tidy it if she makes the mess. My friend says she tidies her kids rooms and it made me feel guilty.

Just me and her in the house.

That sounds like she's a very confident and independent child, not all children enjoy things like going into a shop alone or going to the toilet alone and it's great she feels able to do that. You're teaching and encouraging great skills that will help her now and in years to come.

It's great that the two of you work as a team to keep the house clean and tidy, that'll help her appreciate it. It sounds like you're doing a great job

Absolutely fine. My daughter and walked to school by herself in year 3 which I think is aged 7. She is very independent and can cook dinner (things like pasta and tomato sauce, fish fingers and potatoes) now she is 10.

I think the only thing that stands out is using restaurant toilets alone.

What an odd thing to post about. Did you genuinely think that was even the slightest chance you were being unreasonable? My guess is that you already know that you aren’t.

TBH the only thing that stood out was that you usually get her water for her.

I’ve four kids who are now adults. I was always trying to get them to be more independent but that was probably because I’m lazy and there would be no way I would have wanted to be fetching thing for four kids all day long. .

My 8.6yo doesn’t do any of those things. He can’t even turn on the tv or answer the phone! I don’t tidy his room though, no one does. If he wants it a shit heap that’s up to him.

Independent children are happy children, all else being equal. I would be cautious about public toilets and traffic though.

Going to a public loo or a loo in a shop or restaurant on their own would very much be an in the moment thing for me but I think 7 is a bit young. I would trust them but I would worry about strangers (I made the mistake of reading an HORRIFIC news story in the same vein a couple of years ago which I suspect has tainted my view on that however rare it may be)

My 4 and 6 year old do most of these things. Just not the out of home stuff such as public toilet and shop etc.

I think it's great.

Absolutely normal. It really surprises me that parents nowadays are allowed in the school playground with their children. When mine were at primary school they had to go in and out themselves, we weren't allowed past the school gates.

@MrsKoala

Is your post sarcastic? Because children need to be taught to tidy their rooms. If you dont teach them that, and enforce it, from this kind of age then your kid is going to struggle with that sort of thing when they're an adult. You're the parent. It's your job to teach this.

I don't think comparing children when you know nothing about their location, their home, their circumstances is terribly helpful.

I remember one of my NCT friend very proud about the children mastering running water (shower, bath, hand). They had one of these lighted thing, where hot water is red, cold water is blue. So great at home, but 0 practical experience to be safe anywhere else.

Some of the kids are "independent" but have a cupboard full of plastic cups and plates at floor level.
Others use the normal glass and china put away with everything else.

The local shop where your friends mum work is not the same as the superstore in the busy suburbs.

One child is alone, the other has 4 bigger siblings.

I always find it amusing when people "brag" about mundane things, but really, unless you put the kids in the same house with the same resources, how on earth could you compare.

Perfectly normal

@pepsicolagirl

Get your kids a rape alarm (obviously dont call it that when you give it to them). They clip on, or get a wrist one, and all they need to do is pull the rip cord and it let's out an alarm at 140 decibels. Mine have been taught to use it if anyone every tries to grab them or anything. I just introduced them as part of "tricky people" chats.

Seems about right. Kids need year by year to get increased responsibilities, privileges and freedoms. It needs gradual learning not all given at once. The kids that struggle often are the ones that are cosseted then at 11 (for secondary) or worst still at 18 for university expected to have magically learned things and crucially also cope with freedoms - even when I went to university you could tell ones whose parents didn't teach them life skills, they often went off the rails

Yes all normal, my sons do most of them and 4 year old does a fair amount of them too.
My middle one who is 8 has his bath run for him though or else the whole room would be full of water but once it is run I leave him to it. Bedrooms they keep tidy day to day and hoover it themselves, they strip their beds and help to remake them. Every couple of months I go in and with their help we give it a big tidy and clear any junk that has built up.

I think it’s good that she’s so responsible. The only things I’d be wary about is temperature of the bath water, crossing the school car park (if she does) as ours is manic and she may dash towards her friend.
Also I wouldn’t be keen on the toilet as although you can see the door you don’t know who is in there already, sadly there was a child molested in a supermarket toilet near me, so I’m very vigilant about my DD going in public loos.

my 6yr old ds gets his own breakfast, he loves helping tidy up and i find him puffing up cushions and cleaning up the lounge. He dusts and enjoys hoovering. He loves getting involved in cooking and i have found him making his own hot chocolate which includes sticking the milk in the microwave. nothing wrong with DC being independent. I was brought up to do our but, dishes, ironing, tidying rooms

Gosh i can’t believe anyone would think a bit of independence was a bad thing! Sounds fine to me

Fair or not, it's safer for kids to have more independence when they are not alone. So 2 sisters (or brothers) can handle public toilets etc a lot better than a single child.
It's not fair to put your kid at risk because they are an only

God I do actually let her go to the toilets on her own in a supermarket I never really thought about what could happen, I'll need to stop or at least check toilets and stand outside door.

[quote AWhisperWillDoIfThatsAllYouCan]@MrsKoala

Is your post sarcastic? Because children need to be taught to tidy their rooms. If you dont teach them that, and enforce it, from this kind of age then your kid is going to struggle with that sort of thing when they're an adult. You're the parent. It's your job to teach this.[/quote]
No not sarcastic. I don’t think he’s even been in it for weeks. If he makes a mess/plays with toys in our communal areas he tidies up, but I’m of the opinion that the private areas are up to the person they belong to.

This just reeks of being a boast.

Supermarket or motorway toilets would not be my first point of independence frankly.

Perfectly normal

7 year old ds can and does

Make himself a ham sandwich or toast, cereals, drinks
Tidies his room, puts away clothes including hanging ones
Empties dishwasher and also loads it
Will nip to the loo if I can see the door
Empties tumble dryer, reloads it
Has a shower alone, but we still run his bath

It' great that she can do all these things, and likes doing them. It's a good mindset to have. A lot of children grow up not knowing .or wanting, to do any little independent things.