To think I'm giving my 7 and a half year old too much independence?

[blameitontheweatherperson]

My daughter is 7 and a half and sometimes I worry I'm putting too much pressure on her to do things on her own.

This is the list of what she does -

• she tidies her room (I never tidy her room)
• she picks up the living room if I ask her
• she will occasionally dust if I ask her
• she runs her own bath and is left to it whilst in the bath except when her hair needs washed
• she goes into the corner shop alone whilst I wait outside (she enjoys doing this and is something she asks to do and only goes in for a sweetie or juice for herself not for my things)
• the odd time I will tell her to sort her own bfast if running late etc and I need to jump in shower.
• the odd time I will tell her to get her own water from the tap/fill up her own cup
• she helps me empty the dishwasher sometimes
• sometimes I will ask her to nip out to car for something, it's in our drive way, no access to main road
• goes to toilet on own at restaurant if she knows the restaurant and I can see toilet entrance
• the other day I was dropping her at school and just at the entrance of the school she saw her friend on her own and she said just to let her out there and she went and walked with her friend, so I didn't get out of the car.

Sometimes I just feel that I expect her to do too much or that these things aren't age appropriate. Can someone help me out?

What are normal chores for 7 and half year old?

This came up because my friend was shocked I never tidy my daughters room for her, I will dust and hoover it but I expect her to tidy it if she makes the mess. My friend says she tidies her kids rooms and it made me feel guilty.

Just me and her in the house.

All seems fine - I would allow / expect 7 yo Ds to do most of that (although his help with house work tasks is hit and miss, as I’d expect from any 7 yo)

I wouldn’t like him going in the restaurant toilet alone yet, although I appreciate boys (or girls if out with their Dad / Grandad etc) are expected to from 8. I’d want to at least stand in the corridor outside, not remain at my table. And I’m also not keen on the idea of a 7 yo in a shop alone.

I’ve been encouraging more independence in Ds recently as I feel like I’ve been babying him a bit - helping him with shoes and dressing etc, which I think he is too old for.

I think it's reasonable although I would want to check on the temperature of the bath water before she got in.

Oh yes that’s true - me too re bath water. And also that he hasn’t over run it...

Normal here. My just 7yo does all of this (except the shop, but think covid just hasn't given us the opportunity). Always makes his own breakfast (and helps his 5yo bro).

I wish he'd tidy his room without me standing over him! I agree with PP, that's just jealousy not shock!

No one’s going to tell you you shouldn’t let your child do things for themself!

I love it when stealth boats turn into "yeah my kid does that too" grin my DD is 8 and has done most of those for some years now

I was thinking the same thing!

My DSs do all of that plus washing up (to varying degrees of success). I expect them to put their clean clothes away too.

Interestingly the eldest is now a teen and seems to be regressing in terms of independence.

You are fine. I think it is a personality thing than anything else

My 7yo can do most of those things but she's on the smaller side for her age. She's not strong enough to open the car door and she can't properly reach the tap to get herself a drink unless she gets a step as well. Similarly I would go into toilets with her just to make sure she isn't going to lock herself in or struggle with a really heavy door.

Tidying up is a joint effort, none of us want to do it

Stealth boast 😂🙄 honestly can't say anything on here without these types of comments.

This seems pretty normal to me OP. My 7.5yo has just started washing her own hair!

Yes I would say those are all reasonable expectations of a 7 year old!

@SexyGiraffe I wish she could wash her own hair! It's my least favourite job, but her hair is so long I wouldn't trust her to lather or rinse properly!

Mine just turned 8 and walks to and from school himself has done since he started Primary 4 last Summer. All seems perfectly reasonable to me especially was it’s all only “sometimes”

Like you, I'm a single parent and my DD does much the same aas yours. She is desperate to go to the shop on her own - no big roads to cross - and now the evenings are lighter I will let her go alone. Like you I wait outside.
I do find that her friends who have 2 parents living at home TEND to do less in the house and have less independence.

My boys would always do all those things if asked at that age. Doing it off their own initiative is something else entirely. Apart from the going in the bedrooms bit - I've not been in their rooms since they were about 10 - I would be pleased if they did it but I wouldn't have expected it. They weren't allowed to cook unsupervised until they were tall enough for their elbows to be comfortably above the worktop. There's no wrong or right age to do things for your children as long as you foster independence.

They are 19 & 22 now. Cook, clean, wash etc for themselves (and us sometimes) and are totally independent.

Some children are ready to do those sort of things on their own at 7, some are much less independent. As long as she is happy and confident, then there is absolutely nothing to worry about.

Mine is a few months younger and has ASD. I wouldn't let him go into a shop on his own and school rules mean that KS1 have to be dropped off and picked up by an adult. Everything else seems reasonable to me.

Thanks to everyone's kind responses. I never really gave it a thought, it worked for us and daughter is happy but it was just my friend when I said oh I never clean daughters room. She was like, 'what not even when she's at school!? I tidy my sons every week whilst he's at school' (he's 9), made me feel I was being a bit mean making her do it herself.

Also this is not a stealth boast in the slightest, my daughter doesn't do these things off her own back, and she doesn't always do them when I first ask, there's more often than not a little moaning and back chat. She can be a cheeky little shite at times so I am in no way boasting about my 'perfect' 7 year old if that's how it comes across.

If she can do those things safely and competently why wouldn't they be age appropriate? My 6 year old does all of those things except go to a restaurant toilet on her own or go to a shop on her own. She's too young to be completely out of my sight in a public place. Plus I wouldn't take a chance with public bathrooms so I will definitely be accompanying her for a few years yet.

@AWhisperWillDoIfThatsAllYouCan

That's normal. I've got 9 and 7 year old boys. They do all that and more. My two will go into the big Tesco with my bank card and get bread and milk or whatever little list I give them, and go through the self check out. I wait at the door outside so no one would be able to grab them and leave without me seeing them. They also both put a load on in the washing machine if asked, can Hoover, empty and fill the dishwasher etc. Making breakfast is normal. If its anything on the stove then I'm in the kitchen too but they do it. Their rooms are theirs to sort. They clean the bathroom sink and shower after use. List goes on.

I'm a single parent too and being honest, I've noticed within my friendship group the that kids of single parents have more independence and responsibility than those from 2 parent households.

This is it exactly - but I had only one DS and he could do this at 8. U should be proud of yourself!

Yes, my DD is the same age and does much the same. She can wash her own hair but it is only shoulder-length and quite fine. She prefers a shower these days and I have to stick around for that as the shower screen is stiff and if not pulled out correctly it will flood the bathroom! She is expected to put away her own clean laundry in drawers but will ask for help with anything that is tricky to hang. She can prepare simple meals for herself - cereal, toast, fruit salad etc - and can cook an omelette. I supervise her cooking with heat and she isn't yet allowed to handle boiling water or put things in the oven.

I love it when stealth boats turn into "yeah my kid does that too" grin

so funny

My two ds did the same and more (eg they were preparing their own porridge on the hob at 8yo).

Normal. Please don’t change that.

Interestingly the eldest is now a teen and seems to be regressing in terms of independence.

glad it's not just me. I swear a 3 year old is more proficient at dusting and hoovering than a teenager!

My child is 6 and does those things too. She also likes to walk home from school 'alone'. We only have to walk across the park, and live literally by the park gate on the other side. So I watch her until she's about half way, then her dad watches her from the front door. She thinks she's doing this alone. Independence is important.