To think it would be better to just scrap mother's day altogether?

[AlexaShutUp]

Every year, I read threads on MN from mothers who are miserable on mother's day because their kids have made no effort, their partners have made no effort, their exes have made no effort, and this morning even that their in-laws had made no effort. It seems to cause more angst than joy?

I have no personal axe to grind - my dd is fantastic at showing her appreciation and making me feel special. I enjoy the effort that she makes for mother's day, but I don't actually need this because she is generally grateful and appreciative every day.

AIBU to think that the people who feel respected and appreciated on mother's day probably feel respected and appreciated most of the time anyway, and for the people who sadly don't feel respected and appreciated all year round, mother's day is just another way of making them feel crap about this?

Does anyone who feels taken for granted the rest of the time actually feel that mother's day helps them to feel valued?

Just to add, I'd obviously scrap father's day too!

It’s a U.K. tradition. If people don’t want to participate, that’s fine. But there is no reason to get rid of it!

I've often felt this way.
It was, originally , a church event ' the mother the church' Mothering Sunday.
It was hijacked by the card shops!
Father's Day too should go.

I get spoiled today! Why should
I be punished because some people don’t have a good day?

We could say the same about birthdays or Easter!

Oh come on, it's a day young kids enjoy celebrating and prepare for, a good excuse to book a meal out and to get flowers and gifts.

Most dads take the kids out on a little shopping trip, or give cash to the elder ones.

I love my mum but I don't send her flowers every week. I'd rather my youngest not try to make me breakfast every day either

It's a nice day. It's not mandatory. Let's not scrap everything that's remotely positive or life will become very boring indeed. The lockdown is bad enough as it is.

Every year, I read threads on MN from mothers who are miserable on mother's day because their kids have made no effort, their partners have made no effort, their exes have made no effort, and this morning even that their in-laws had made no effort. It seems to cause more angst than joy?

How would scrapping Mother's Day help those people?

If their kids and partners make no effort on on MD, they're hardly likely to make an effort on Birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's etc either.

You can't scrap everything!

Reading some of the stuff on here people take it too seriously. I got a card and a sweet tatty thing she made at nursery. She brought me coffee in bed (well DH did really but she sort of helped😀). We all had scrambled eggs together.

Nothing fancy but it's been lovely 🤷

No it won't help. No more than scrapping Christmas or birthday because folk didn't get a present.

Agree it’s actually a Christian event hijacked my card companies!

Mothering Sunday was the fourth Sunday in Lent where you travel to attend a service in your ‘mother church’, like the church you were baptised in. Not necessarily about honouring your own mother.

I read threads about people having a shit time at Christmas, on birthdays and at weddings too.

Should we scrap everything because a few people don't enjoy it?

I voted YABU because I enjoy reading the moaning threads.

Aye because some women are treated like shite and undervalued let's discourage the rest of them from being appreciated for a day.

@BadLad

I voted YABU because I enjoy reading the moaning threads.

😂

I like your style.

I personally don't do Mothers day. My kids have got me a card and DD has made me a picture with a little essay of what a great mum I am (she might've done it at school).

But I'm not interested in a special tea or flowers or breakfast in bed or being spoiled or indeed any fuss. We also don't really go big on birthdays or things like that either tbh. As far as I am concerned, it's another hallmark day designed to make money for big companies and to lay on more guilt and stress on women who have already got enough to do.

I am willing to concede that I am a miserable cunt though.

Should we scrap everything because a few people don't enjoy it?

if we could so something about commuting and working actually... (it's going well about commuting at the moment I have to say )

Fair enough, it looks like most people want to keep it. I guess it has never really meant that much to me, even though I always have a nice day. I have never had the impression that my mum is that bothered by it either. I think she prefers the random gestures of appreciation throughout the year to the obligatory flowers on mother's day, and I tend to agree.

Clearly, it matters to some people, so I accept that. I'm just always a bit saddened by the many disappointed threads on MN, and it just makes me wonder whether days like this make people feel better or worse. But perhaps the disappointed people are just a small minority and there are lots of mums out there who do really value having a special day that's all about them.

THisbackwithavengeance

your choice entirely, but if you can't use your birthday as an excuse for a party and a holiday (most years..) it's a wasted opportunity!

Weirdly all mine have been fine since ex husband left.
I miraculously remember to buy my mother a gift, get the kids to sign a card for exMIL and remind ex husband that expect a gift bought from the kids

A lot of problems stem from the "what do you want for Mothers Day? " Then women say nothing and get nothing.

Should older/adult children, DHs know better and just buy a gift? Probably, but why cause yourself angst.

I think that many posts stem from Dads watching their partners /wives struggle is disgusting and should be called out on any day of the year.

Sadly special ocassions show how bad some relationships are.

It's a long standing Christian event.

I do feel sorry for people who are underappreciated by partners on events like Mother's day, birthdays, Christmas etc. However, it would be better if they could make changes to improve their relationships rather than cancelling events for everyone else.

YABU for wanting it removed but I have voted YANBU because I agree with your reasoning.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

I read threads about people having a shit time at Christmas, on birthdays and at weddings too.

Should we scrap everything because a few people don't enjoy it?

Yes exactly! Ffs does everything have to be turned into a competitive bloody misery fest? If people feel unappreciated by their partners or children that’s unfortunate but it doesn’t follow that they and their feelings must be centred over anyone else’s. Can we enjoy nothing anymore just because someone else isn’t enjoying it? There’s always something terrible happening in the world, people who are sad or suffering but it doesn’t mean nobody else can celebrate or enjoy anything.

People will always moan no matter what. We can’t scrap everything!

I have a toddler so I expect in the future I'll get cute little school cards and stuff and it be nice
But if I'm honest I don't really expect my Dh to make a big fuss, but we don't buy each other birthday gifts either because we just generally go on a few shopping sprees a year and treat ourselves from his money lol. And nope we don't celebrate Father's Day either or valentines etc.

My mum gets so childish though, I essentially feel forced into making an effort for her because otherwise I'm ignored for weeks. I didn't send her a card but sent her flowers to be personally delivered today and a massive personalised cake personally delivered and yet I've had a barrage of texts messages saying how upset she is that she didn't receive a card. A card that she throws away a few days later.

I grew up in card culture and I genuinely don't see the point in it. A waste if you ask me!

Fair enough, it looks like most people want to keep it. I guess it has never really meant that much to me, even though I always have a nice day. I have never had the impression that my mum is that bothered by it either. I think she prefers the random gestures of appreciation throughout the year to the obligatory flowers on mother's day, and I tend to agree.

I feel the same, as did my own mother but I don't think that's what people are saying here.

The point is, why scrap mother's day when those people are just as likely to be disappointed on the other days listed, like birthdays and Christmas etc?

I'm not THAT fussed about it, I'm single so I don't really get gifts (DS is 7 so can't exactly pop to the shops to get me anything) he usually makes me a card at school and that's it. I wouldn't want to get rid of it though.