To think it would be better to just scrap mother's day altogether?

[AlexaShutUp]

Every year, I read threads on MN from mothers who are miserable on mother's day because their kids have made no effort, their partners have made no effort, their exes have made no effort, and this morning even that their in-laws had made no effort. It seems to cause more angst than joy?

I have no personal axe to grind - my dd is fantastic at showing her appreciation and making me feel special. I enjoy the effort that she makes for mother's day, but I don't actually need this because she is generally grateful and appreciative every day.

AIBU to think that the people who feel respected and appreciated on mother's day probably feel respected and appreciated most of the time anyway, and for the people who sadly don't feel respected and appreciated all year round, mother's day is just another way of making them feel crap about this?

Does anyone who feels taken for granted the rest of the time actually feel that mother's day helps them to feel valued?

I generally find that posts on MN are quite negative - people needing advice, support etc. There are a lot of mothers who love mothers day but they wouldn't jump on MN to say what a brilliant partner and brood they have, because there isn't a need there.

YABU. Today is Mothering Sunday, which is a religious event; it is nothing to do with moms. Today, you're supposed to visit your home church and have your Simnel cake with the marzipan balls to represent the apostles of Jesus.

I don't mind if you don't like religion but you shouldn't conflate it with greetings card holidays. Blame disappointing gas station flowers on Clinton Cards, etc.

Surely when people went home, in the past, to visit their original church this was very likely to be where you mother lived as well - I'm picturing someone in service, for example, with very few days off but getting to return home for this day.

I voted YABU because I enjoy reading the moaning threads

Made me laugh @BadLad.

I actually don't know anyone in RL who gets upset or bothered about Mother's Day. Only on MN, its a big deal.
Personally, I hate Mother's Day.

I seem to have a very un MN understanding of Mother's Day, perhaps because I'm Scottish and my Grannie was In Service and then went on to have a daughter who started work In Service and 3 sons who were conscripted in WW2.

My understanding is that Mother's Day is a day for unmarried children to return home to their own Mum's for the day for a family day. They traditionally brought a bunch of flowers or somesuch.

So in our family once you have a family of your own there is no backward obligation.

Was quite surprised to read the MiL thread. Both my DM and MiL sent cards to mark my first year as a Mother. My DH is English and did send a card and call his DM today. However I had to bite my tongue because I can remember the decade or so before we had DC when it never even occurred to him. It never occurred to his DM either because he has 4 much younger siblings who were still at home making school cards and crafts.

So I don't want to scrap my version of Mother's Day but I do find it odd and ironic that a day ostensibly appreciating Mother's efforts has somehow morphed into yet another excuse to browbeat the sandwich generation.

That is my understanding as well Sempre. It was a day when employers let workers travel home to their own church and they would spend the day with their mother.

I haven't had a mother since I was 13 years old (she died). I have a daughter though, and she gave me lovely miniature daffodils and a book.

Agree with OP but also many other posters here! I have for years told my kids that Mother's Day is a commercial thing and you show your love all year round, not just on one day. Also told them to never to buy me flowers for Mother's Day as the prices are hiked! But I'm sitting here having stupidly flicked through FB feeling a bit jealous, secretly, knowing I would probably like to be spoiled, despite it being a superficial made up event, removed totally from it's origins by commerce!!

YABU. It’s not Mother’s Day- it’s Mothering Sunday, and it comes from celebrating Mary as the mother of Jesus in Christian churches.

Scrap your hallmark moments if you want, but you don’t get to erase a religious holiday.

I love Mother's Day. I don't think I'm in the minority, at least among my friends.

I'm guessing if your husband/children (who are old enough to do so) can't make the effort to get you a card and a maltesers for Mother's Day they're not probably not angels the other 364 days of the year either.

I love Mother's day. My mum is reminded everyday that she is loved and respected, but we do love to have an excuse to spoil her even more on one day with flowers and gifts.
On MN, people come to complain or have a good moan, which is completely understandable. They are not going to come and talk about their great Mother's day. They would get accused of stealth boasting, the misery competition would kick off like crazy, and the Biscuits would fly all over the place.
We cannot scrap a nice event because a few people are miserable. That would be just wrong and pathetic.

I like Doi g something for my mum but I don't particularly expect anything from my daughter (or partner on her behalf). None of my friends have any expectations either, the only place I've come across people who are upset or disappointed is in here!

YABU.

I've had a lovely day. My son chose the present himself and was really excited to give It to me this morning.

My OH has made me lunch, he asked me what I wanted and then cooked it.

My son is wonderful every day and often tells me I am "the best mummy ever"

Some people seem to use any excuse possible to make the day very "woe is me"

That's fine, no need to cancel it for the rest of us.

Mothering Sunday is a Christian celebration.
But, most who celebrate this, Christmas, and Easter want the joy but not the religion.
I think that says more about that type, than those who don't bother tbh.

I get where you're coming from, but NO. And YABU sorry @AlexaShutUp

I don’t think the answer is to scrap it all together.

Just because some families / husbands / older kids don’t appreciate the mother as they shouof, doesn’t mean we should give up on the idea that women need appreciation.

PS I don’t really get a massive fuss. I’m divorced with kids 12 and 7. I got a school made card from 7 yo, a lie in, and pancakes and tea in bed from eldest (presented nicely on a tray with a flower).

Ate cake.

It’s just a small gesture that we need I think!

I sent my Mum a card and nice flowers and I like to have a day to acknowledge her too!

I can take it @littlepattilou.

I take the point that it was originally a Christian celebration but I don't think I've ever met anyone who actually celebrates it as such. Interesting to know that some people do.

If the majority of people like it and want to keep it, that's good I suppose. I like it well enough myself. I just always feel a bit sad for those who experience it as evidence of how unappreciated they are, because I have assumed that most of those who do feel appreciated on mother's day are valued all year round and probably don't need the mother's day gestures in any case. However, perhaps I had underestimated how important the day is for some of the people who do get a fuss made of them.

YABU.

I like Mother's Day. I got a card and a small bunch of flowers. If we were not in lockdown my DH would have booked a nice lunch.

It is one of the few days I get to skive off and made to feel a bit appreciated. Please don't take this one day away from me.

Some people need to be a bit more proactive. I joke for weeks on end that "I am really looking forward to Mothers Day. I hope you have not gone to too much trouble", which is received with a look of panic.

Just because some families / husbands / older kids don’t appreciate the mother as they shouof, doesn’t mean we should give up on the idea that women need appreciation.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing, I don't think we should give up on the idea that women need appreciation either, I just don't see it as something to be done on one day a year. Perhaps I'm spoilt because I do feel very much appreciated by my family on a regular basis, so I don't need a special day to make me feel valued...but if they did only show their appreciation on that one day, I think I'd be pretty pissed off anyway and wonder why they couldn't turn on the gratitude on the other 364 days of the year!

@AlexaShutUp

I can take it *@littlepattilou*.

I take the point that it was originally a Christian celebration but I don't think I've ever met anyone who actually celebrates it as such. Interesting to know that some people do.

If the majority of people like it and want to keep it, that's good I suppose. I like it well enough myself. I just always feel a bit sad for those who experience it as evidence of how unappreciated they are, because I have assumed that most of those who do feel appreciated on mother's day are valued all year round and probably don't need the mother's day gestures in any case. However, perhaps I had underestimated how important the day is for some of the people who do get a fuss made of them.

Aww thank you. As I say, I do get where you're coming from! Have some Mother's Day flowers... .