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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do people need to show off gifts on Facebook?

362 replies

1AngelicFruitCake · 14/03/2021 12:16

I don’t get it. Lovely seeing photos of people with Mums, messages etc. But why brag ‘I’ve been spoilt with my many presents’ then post photos of them? It just screams ‘Look at me!’ which I know Facebook is all about that but come on, it’s so needy!

YABU-people should put photos of their presents
YANBU-there’s no need to post photos of your presents

OP posts:
thecatandthevicar · 15/03/2021 23:17

I fail to see how that could ever be seen as a compliment

Original poster
1AngelicFruitCake · 15/03/2021 23:21

@thecatandthevicar

I fail to see how that could ever be seen as a compliment
You called me (well actually another poster) a ‘special type of person’ and as a positive person yourself, it was obviously meant as a compliment 😊 shame it wasn’t for me!
OP posts:
LucieStar · 15/03/2021 23:26

If I’ve made one person go ‘Do I really need to post a photo of a pile of presents from my partner on Facebook? Maybe I’m looking a bit silly, after all I wouldn’t do this with friends in real life’ then I’ve made a difference to the world and I can give myself a pat on the back

Tbh, if anything, it's made me more determined to post stuff. In fact tomorrow, I think I'll round up a load of random shit from around my house and post photos of it. Just because. GrinGrinGrin

Original poster
1AngelicFruitCake · 15/03/2021 23:27

@LucieStar

If I’ve made one person go ‘Do I really need to post a photo of a pile of presents from my partner on Facebook? Maybe I’m looking a bit silly, after all I wouldn’t do this with friends in real life’ then I’ve made a difference to the world and I can give myself a pat on the back

Tbh, if anything, it's made me more determined to post stuff. In fact tomorrow, I think I'll round up a load of random shit from around my house and post photos of it. Just because. GrinGrinGrin

Have fun!😄
OP posts:
MenoMom · 15/03/2021 23:41

You've really hit a nerve with lots of lovely kind and caring people who love to see piles of gifts their facebook friends get, but need to tell you, in a lot of detail how hateful you are because you find it boastful. How does this fit with their finding joy in all the achievements of their facebook friends and acquainteces. Are we not doing #bekind anymore?

I'm hateful too though, i find the tendency to create a curated perfect life on facebook to be so hollow, and the focus on materialism by so many is off-putting. But not as off-putting as the character assassination you're getting.

And i had a lovely mothers day, tulips from Aldi and a chocolate bunny.

thecatandthevicar · 15/03/2021 23:41

1AngelicFruitCake

the fake naivety doesn't suit you.

No one is cute for insulting people they call "friends". It's a bit sad don't you think? Do you expect them to say the same about you? Confused

thecatandthevicar · 15/03/2021 23:44

And i had a lovely mothers day, tulips from Aldi and a chocolate bunny.

you are bragging. This is exactly what some posters find vulgar. But you are not their friends, so I suppose bitching about a random on social media is a bit different.

LucieStar · 15/03/2021 23:57

you are bragging. This is exactly what some posters find vulgar.

Is it just me, or is "vulgar" a particularly strong word for a photo of some flowers and a box of chocolates 😳 It must mean something different where I'm from.

Tessabelle74 · 16/03/2021 00:13

I genuinely don't understand why some people have Facebook? Is it just so they can come here to moan about what people post? If you don't like it, scroll past, or better yet, stay off social media 🙄

Isthisreallylife · 16/03/2021 01:25

Wonderful! I’ve suddenly realised that if I say what I really feel and not bother trying to ‘watch my words’ or ‘go with the crowd’ and no longer ‘be careful how others will think of me’ then there are actually a couple of people who think like I do. Not particularly radical, just what has always seemed like common sense to me.
Thank you - I hope you know who you are!

Original poster
1AngelicFruitCake · 16/03/2021 06:49

@MenoMom

You've really hit a nerve with lots of lovely kind and caring people who love to see piles of gifts their facebook friends get, but need to tell you, in a lot of detail how hateful you are because you find it boastful. How does this fit with their finding joy in all the achievements of their facebook friends and acquainteces. Are we not doing #bekind anymore?

I'm hateful too though, i find the tendency to create a curated perfect life on facebook to be so hollow, and the focus on materialism by so many is off-putting. But not as off-putting as the character assassination you're getting.

And i had a lovely mothers day, tulips from Aldi and a chocolate bunny.

Thank you for this and I completely agree! The ‘lovely, kind’ posters who love seeing a photo of a pile of presents from a friend (because that’s the only example I’ve referred to) are letting their masks slip a bit 😄 Probably the same people who urge others to be kind. Post a blatant example of bragging from someone they presumably like - it’s great! Read one opinion from someone they’ve never met and I might as well have started on something controversial for the comments I’ve had!

As I said earlier,
Some women, who in real life I know to be strong, capable, perfectly balanced people, turn into self obsessed, needy caricatures of themselves on Facebook. To me that neediness is a sad reflection on how some people don’t feel validated unless they’ve shared every inch of their life online. That pile of presents from your devoted partner? What’s the point if no one sees it?

This is what it boils down to. Whenever I see a photo of a massive pile of presents I always assume there’s something going on behind the scenes. The most successful people that I know in real life post less and I find that holding back element indicative of the fact they are secure enough not to share something like a pile of presents (carefully arranged pre-photo!)

But anyway. It’s easier for some posters to make comments at me, even better when they make comments about me to each other. I think someone needs to tell them they’re the positive, kind ones!

OP posts:
Original poster
1AngelicFruitCake · 16/03/2021 06:51

@thecatandthevicar

1AngelicFruitCake

the fake naivety doesn't suit you.

No one is cute for insulting people they call "friends". It's a bit sad don't you think? Do you expect them to say the same about you? Confused

When did I say I was cute? 😄 Of course if I post on social media I’d expect people to think things and/or comment negatively if I was blatantly showing off. I’d expect it in real life but then my friends would laugh if I sent them a photo of a pile of presents 😄 and then would probably wonder if I was ok 🤔
OP posts:
SoupDragon · 16/03/2021 07:43

Are we not doing #bekind anymore?

😂😂😂 it's hilarious when people trot this out when clearly not "being kind" and talking to someone who is not "being kind"

Twowilldo50 · 16/03/2021 08:06

My SIL spends huge amount of money on designer gifts for her family, and they do the same for her so birthdays and Christmas are peppered with pictures of huge piles of very, very expensive gifts. It’s one of the ways they show love for each other so to her mind she is showing how much she loves/is loved. It makes me feel a bit sick, quite literally when I saw a picture with a little girl who had 60 Easter boxed eggs. When their son was born they wouldn’t accept any of our sons outgrown but practically new clothes, toys, books etc. Everything has to be new. It’s not how we roll, and there’s lots I could pick at eg impact on the environment, the financial problem they have now in that massive credit card bills, interest only mortgage (I know because she’s told me she doesn’t care about that) and they will HAVE to sell their home and either significantly downsize or move to a cheaper area. I do sometimes post pictures of gifts I’ve made eg I’ve knitted some hen shaped egg cosies to pop over creme eggs for Easter. They make me laugh because they are so ridiculous - is that bragging?

IheartJKR · 16/03/2021 08:16

My sister makes you all look like amateurs.

She is the golden child and by extension so are her two sons. My mother doesn’t really acknowledge my children ‘regularly’ although she does sometimes if she remembers their birthday etc but it’s not consistent.
My sister posts all the gifts my mother sends her children regularly and there are A LOT.
On Mother’s Day she outdone herself....she went to my mothers house and took photos of every gift she had bought for our mother but placed them strategically in from of various pictures of her children.
That was just to make sure I knew....in case I hadn’t realised already......that my mothers house is full of pictures of her dc while there are none of my children.

She actually captioned it ‘Mother’s Day gifts from the golden boys’.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 16/03/2021 08:42

@MenoMom

You've really hit a nerve with lots of lovely kind and caring people who love to see piles of gifts their facebook friends get, but need to tell you, in a lot of detail how hateful you are because you find it boastful. How does this fit with their finding joy in all the achievements of their facebook friends and acquainteces. Are we not doing #bekind anymore?

I'm hateful too though, i find the tendency to create a curated perfect life on facebook to be so hollow, and the focus on materialism by so many is off-putting. But not as off-putting as the character assassination you're getting.

And i had a lovely mothers day, tulips from Aldi and a chocolate bunny.

No, we're not doing #bekind and never have been. #bekind is just another way of telling people to shut up and not to have an opinion.
firsttimeoptimist · 16/03/2021 09:20

I love seeing these posts. I can't meet many of my friends in person due to distance (and now COVID) and it makes me feel part of their joy.

LucieStar · 16/03/2021 09:24

You've really hit a nerve with lots of lovely kind and caring people

This hit a nerve business is interesting. Firstly, that implies people feel angsty about the issue. My overriding feeling whilst engaging with this thread yesterday was one of amusement. So no nerves hit here. Just entertainment. Smile

Secondly, have the posters with their piles of presents not equally "hit a nerve" with OP, and those criticising them? Ironic, much?

LucieStar · 16/03/2021 09:28

Are we not doing #bekind anymore?

In all honesty, if we're going down the "be kind" route - if I was the type of person to seek kindness on the Internet, I'd genuinely a million times over turn to my FB friends over MN any day of the week. "Be kind" definitely is sparse around this place from what I've seen recently (not just this thread). Grin

LucieStar · 16/03/2021 09:30

@firsttimeoptimist

I love seeing these posts. I can't meet many of my friends in person due to distance (and now COVID) and it makes me feel part of their joy.

Same! It's a lovely connection in the absence of the real thing at the moment isn't it. Grin

LucieStar · 16/03/2021 09:34

Whenever I see a photo of a massive pile of presents I always assume there’s something going on behind the scenes.

Well, of course there's something going on behind the scenes. We're all human with emotions and needs, right?

I mean. I'm personally more interested in the psychology and what's going on "behind the scenes" when a person starts (yet another) thread to complain about others' use of SM. To me personally, the psychology of that person is far more interesting than that of the original SM poster.

But hey. We're all different. Grin

Mumgonenuts2020 · 16/03/2021 09:46

This year has been difficult with all the restrictions, we have not been able to see family, Example this week, a school mum I know their mum sadly passed away this weekend, it looks like I have been blocked, or perhaps snoozed for 30 days!! I am not sure why? So I ordered a moon pig card to be delivered saying thinking of you, as we are adults now... social media is here to stay, What’s app for family and friends group and zoom are causing issues now as well, with work and school, Ipad Limits, overload of Tv in which we have moved away from reality!! Everyone is going nuts!!

thecatandthevicar · 16/03/2021 11:19

What's amusing more than anything is the definition of "massive pile of presents".

A bunch of flower is braggy and vulgar - just have a look at threads about receiving flowers at work Grin
(on MN's land, he is cheating. No other explanation. It's funny when the flowers turn up to be from someone's mum or a friend to say thank you. "HE" must still be cheating).

So that "massive pile of presents" is more often than not a very basic gift or 2, but a lot of anger and bitterness from some.

Or even more funny, it's just a perfectly average amount, but some people are clearly missing out and call it "massive" Grin.
It's like kids Christmas. There's a perfectly reasonable line between the DM mothers with 3,000 gifts per child, and the MN mothers with their socks and (non-electric) toothbrush.

LucieStar · 16/03/2021 11:20

A bunch of flower is braggy and vulgar - just have a look at threads about receiving flowers at work

(on MN's land, he is cheating. No other explanation. It's funny when the flowers turn up to be from someone's mum or a friend to say thank you. "HE" must still be cheating).

Christ above. Grin

thecatandthevicar · 16/03/2021 11:21

I'd love to see one of these FB-police passive aggressive comment calling out someone for "bragging" and commenting nastily on their photo.

Oh the fun you could have Grin

My friends are too normal, and not so petty.