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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP is still asleep. DC haven't even acknowledge that its mothers day.

86 replies

yellowbeaker · 14/03/2021 12:04

I do so much for all of them. I am 11 weeks pg and shattered, its been a really rough few weeks for me with incredibly low iron levels and awful nausea/headaches/fatigue.
Last night the kids wanted to go get eggs and bacon etc for breakfast from the shop so I took them.

I woke up before everyone else so enjoyed some quiet time with a book. 3 hours later DP is still asleep and my 2 teens are just doing their own thing. No hugs, no cards, no breakfast in bed. (although DD has tidied her room which was rancid so I guess I should count my blessings!)

I am dressed. I feel like fucking off to my mums house with her gift on my own and leaving them to get on with it. I have never expected anything much, we have a rule in our house that gifts have to be home made or thoughtful gestures (like running me a bath, or dd gave me a foot massage a few years ago) I really appreciate stuff like that but it just feels like no one cares or can even be bothered to be nice. Facebook is filled with pics of everyone else being spoilt.

I just feel a bit hurt that DP couldn't set an alarm and rally the kids around to do something nice.

OP posts:

Oldraver · 14/03/2021 12:06

Just go to your Mums

Wtfkqtxnrkatxjrk · 14/03/2021 12:07

Facebook is curated bullshit.

Chottie · 14/03/2021 12:07

@Oldraver

Just go to your Mums

Yes, just go to your Mums and spend some quality time with her.

activitythree · 14/03/2021 12:07

I just feel a bit hurt that DP couldn't set an alarm and rally the kids around to do something nice.

They are teenagers, they should be able to arrange a gift or whatever without instructions.

As for your DH, did you discuss getting up and doing something? Does he normally sleep in all morning? Can you just wake him up if you want him up?

I'm sorry they have let you down, are your teens normally like that?

ApolloandDaphne · 14/03/2021 12:08

Just go to your mums then. Have a coffee and a chat with her. Then go pick up some lunch for yourself and sit in a park and eat it and read your book more. Go home at teatime with a takeaway for one.

justilou1 · 14/03/2021 12:18

Go to your Mum’s. Don’t even say goodbye. Have a lovely time with her. Women are invisible in their families anyway.

MoiraNotRuby · 14/03/2021 12:21

Teenagers are a funny lot especially after a year of covid. Your DP really needs to set the tone and rally them. I'd be pissed off with him (assume its a him?) and suggest they all Do Better.

TheMostHappy · 14/03/2021 12:24

Facebook is staged nonsense OP. Fwiw, I've had a bunch of flowers shoved in my face, ds 1 has buggered off upstairs gaming with his friends, ds2 has had the same amount of screaming fits and tantrums he would have had any other day. Just do what you want to make yourself happy.

Lorw · 14/03/2021 12:24

Go to your mums. The whole point in wanting someone to do something nice for you is them choosing to do it without you having to ask them, I choose to do nice things all the time, because I’m thoughtful and like to make my loved ones smile, it’s not unreasonable to expect that your husband and children make you feel appreciated without you having to basically beg for that. Ugh.

ExtraOnions · 14/03/2021 12:25

My Teenager (14) is in a difficult place with her mental health (we are at CAMHS next week) ... she’s still in her room, zero acknowledgement of Mother’s Day, it’s ok though, these days will pass, and those “mother daughter” days will come.

Gassylady · 14/03/2021 12:25

No debate away to your mums!

ItsNotLoveActually · 14/03/2021 12:25

I just walked into my DS's bedroom, where he is festering and woke him up singing 'Happy Mother's Day to me', lol.
Kids are mostly ungrateful little sods but I'd have expected your DP to have done something or rallied the kids to do so.
Agree, go on strike today, go to your Mum's and really take your time. You may go home and be pleasantly surprised that they've pulled their fingers out!

PotteringAlong · 14/03/2021 12:27

we have a rule in our house that gifts have to be home made or thoughtful gestures

I would abandon this rule! Is your mums present homemade or a thoughtful gesture?

Ginormarse · 14/03/2021 12:29

I know how you feel. I have 3 kids aged 8,9 and 13. My youngest made me a card in school but couldn't even be bothered to write in it. I have had nothing from the other two. My Mum died just over 2 years ago so it's a tough day for me anyway. I have very low expectations and all I would have liked is a card from each of them, or even a Happy Mothers day wish and a hug. I am disappointed, but not surprised that DH didn't make the effort to facilitate this but there's no point getting too sad and despondent, it is what it is. Sending you

mnahmnah · 14/03/2021 12:29

My 3yo came running in first thing saying happy Mother’s Day and couldn’t wait to give me my present. Eldest was the same when he got up. So there’s no excuse for the teenagers. Go to your mum’s and hopefully they will realise later and make up for it.

RizzleRazzle · 14/03/2021 12:30

I'd just go to your mums

UserTwice · 14/03/2021 12:31

Being left alone to read my book for 3 hours would be the nice thing that my family did for me :)

Are you sure they are not thinking that you are enjoying time to yourself?

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 14/03/2021 12:33

That's shit OP. Yes your husband could have reminded them. I think a chat uis in order about how they would feel with a similar amount of effort for their next birthday

Advic3Pl3as3 · 14/03/2021 12:33

This is horrendous. I’m sorry your kids and partners are so disgustingly selfish and horrible.

My brother and I have never treated our mother like this, not on Mother’s Day...not on any day. Even as teens. Being a teenager (Even one with problems) is not an excuse to act like a selfish brat. Why do you put up with it? Stand up for yourselves! Demand better!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 14/03/2021 12:40

@FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken

That's shit OP. Yes your husband could have reminded them. I think a chat uis in order about how they would feel with a similar amount of effort for their next birthday

A birthday and Mother’s Day are nothing alike though.

Unless religious, Mother’s Day is just a day on the calendar where we are told we should be buying cards etc.

Icecreamsoda99 · 14/03/2021 12:48

I agree with @PotteringAlong - homemade and thoughtful gestures require a lot of skill and effort as children get older, and teens may not have the confidence in themselves to pull it off, they are paste the days of paste and glitter. Next time ask for something for the garden or a charity gift.

HighNetGirth · 14/03/2021 12:49

Nothing for me either despite a reminder. Quite irritated.

Advic3Pl3as3 · 14/03/2021 12:49

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Or it can be about showing your appreciation, making someone smile and feel special, and acknowledging something good in the world. Anything that tries to encourage that is ok in my book.

WisnaeMe · 14/03/2021 12:50

OP go spend time with your Mum 🌺🌸🦋

Original poster

yellowbeaker · 14/03/2021 12:57

I wouldn't normally care, I have a feeling the same thing happened last year. I think I am just overly hormonal and tired at the mo. My mum doesn't even know I am pg (my best friend does, dp only wanted me to tell 1 person and then once we have the scan we will tell our families) so it limits who I have to talk to. I would love to go and tell my mum today but I think it would be encased in me moaning about DP and I want it to be a happy thing when I tell her not me moaning.
I just feel really meh. Nausea is slowly creeping in too.

He knows i am in a piss. They've all decided they are coming to my mums house so yay.....we're all going. my mum said nanny will be sad if we don't go and wish her a happy mothers day and give her her pressies! So it's on their radar, just not when it comes to me.

I made my mum a potted basket of flowers, she gets quite low and I know she likes having colour on her patio to look out at. I also got her some hot cross buns as she forgot to get any with her weekly shop and she really fancied one. Nothing crazy, just things I know will lift her mood.

In answer to someone elses question of them giving me time to read, it would be lovely to think this but its definitely not the case.

DP knows I am pissy but hasn't addressed the elephant in the room. I am going to go over to my mums with them all in tow and then go out for a walk on my own this afternoon, maybe grab a hot choc.

OP posts:

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