BOF's Big Bucket List Trip To Anglesey! *MNHQ editing title to say that there is some very sad news contained in this thread. Sending love to all*

[BitOfFun]

AIBU to ask for some help planning this?

I've been on mumsnet almost forever, and it's my go-to place for wisdom, help and advice. I don't really have a long time alive, as my cancer treatment has stopped working, so I'm hoping that some of you can help me plan a trip to Anglesey, so that I've seen somewhere that isn't these four walls during my Liverpool Lockdown!

I don't want to go much further afield, as I would feel better being easily accessible to medical care if necessary. The plan is to hire a car with my husband, who'll drive, and stay a night or two in B&Bs, taking in some coastal views and sunsets.

I'd love to trawl antique shops.
I'd like to take the dog, if possible, though this isn't really essential.
Outdoors is good, but I'll have to use a wheelchair for more than short distances.
I like the idea of "hidden gems" in terms of places to visit (who doesn't?) but comfort is good too.
I'll wait for the weather to warm up a bit, so in a few weeks is fine (I hope!).

I don't want to annoy anybody, but I'd like to use this thread for a bit of support and encouragement, and keep bumping it for more ideas and suggestions.so I can make this trip as special as possible. As Anglesey isn't all that far from where I live, I could split the trip into a few parts.

So, can you help? AIBU?

Well, this took a nasty turn.

Keema and Pineapples ♥️

I think I know who you are ABF! I did lose track some years ago in my advancing years. It's nice to see some old names and pals on here 🥰

Okay fair enough. The poster who suggested the wreath is a long-term pp and probably shared a laugh with BOF on a few occasions prior to this thread.
RIP BOF.

I didn’t know BOF, which was my loss, but I do know Keema, which is my privilege. I’ll be taking part in whatever memorial Woolly Hugs decide is appropriate.

Well, this took a nasty turn.

It has indeed. Very sad.

I don’t think it’s nasty. Sometimes it’s important to be frank and if it turns out stuff people are proposing out of kindness is actually causing distress to people who were close to Bee, or risks doing so, I think it’s far better to say so.

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel

I don’t think it’s nasty. Sometimes it’s important to be frank and if it turns out stuff people are proposing out of kindness is actually causing distress to people who were close to Bee, or risks doing so, I think it’s far better to say so.

This.

I asked a while ago if Woolly Hugs could do something for Bee to take on her holiday. Sadly, it wasn't to be but I really hope we can do one now for her. I'm crap at crochet but I'd love to contribute there. Her friends will know best what she would have wanted & loved.

“Well, this took a nasty turn.

It has indeed. Very sad.“

See this annoys me.
Anyone who has ever been around loss and grief should know that death, loss, funerals, wills etc are frequently the source of arguments and disputes.
It’s not because people are horrible. It’s because when you have lost so much and the grief is unbearable you are angry. You are angry at god or the universe. You are furious that you’ve lost someone and it’s seems unfair and impossible to navigate

So slights feel worse, hurt is caused easily and disagreements are the most natural and understandable thing in the world

What’s less understandable is either not recognising anger as the grief it is masking or trying to be a bit superior about that.

It hasn't taken a nasty turn.
Friends that have known Bee and her family for years are understandably grief stricken, as Pag said grief and anger goes hand in hand.
People are hurting and calling them out on that is uncalled for.

I think it’s definitely best to be led by those who knew BOF best.

There are no rights or wrongs but nobody wants to cause hurt and distress to those who are grieving.

Huge hugs to all of you who are grieving your good friend. I wish I’d known BOF better.

I

It’s not because people are horrible. It’s because when you have lost so much and the grief is unbearable you are angry. You are angry at god or the universe. You are furious that you’ve lost someone and it’s seems unfair and impossible to navigate

Anger is totally normal, and I think those of us who didn't know BOF outside of the forum need to remember that our sadness over her loss can sometimes seem insincere and performative - no matter our intentions - to those who knew and loved her. For some it will be heart lifting to know she affected so many people, even in such small ways. But grief affects everyone differently and we should make some concessions for that. One day it could be us after all, taking our rage out on others because we can't punch death or cancer itself.

Oh I know how raw grief is, believe me.
I just felt bad for the pp who had mentioned recently losing her mum to cancer who made what she believed was a nice gesture.
I’m going to say no more though except offer my sincere condolences to BoF’s RL friends on here, I didn’t want to cause any further upset.
I’ll now make a donation to the hospice which has been linked earlier.

I think if you want to do something and make a donation to the hospice, which is what Bee and her family would want, then that is lovely, regardless of how well you knew her.

If however you plough on with your idea of what to do, even if close friends have said it’s not what Bee would have wanted, then that is making this all about you, which would make you a grief vampire.

And to say that ^^ is not being nasty, just factual.

I received a woolly hug 10yrs ago when dh died

Was amazing the love and time and effort that went into it from friends and strangers off the internet

Over the years I’ve contributed to other woolly hugs

I will to bof,s one

A well respected and regular poster on a tripadvisor forum has also just passed away. Coincidence? Or was it BoF using a different name? I started reading her posts when I had cancer last year but thankfully I seem to be one of the lucky ones. She was always so positive, I have nothing but admiration for her.

Reading everything I have since the sad news of Bee’s death, which although we’d known was coming, still felt like such a terrible shock, the thing that really strikes me is how much Bee was loved. Through those who had the online interactions on here, and benefitted from the incredible sense, passion and support she offered, through to those who knew her over on Fb and of course to those who counted her as best friends in the real world. She gave of herself so freely. Beautiful inside and out. I constantly felt in awe of her. So happy we went to her wedding. The exquisite joy, she was radiant. So was her DH, bless his heart. That’s how I’ll remember her. I just wish I’d known her better and for longer. Those who did, you were truly blessed xxx

Cancer is such an evil indiscriminate bastard and it’s robbed the world again. Feel so sorry for her DH, her girls, her mum, those who knew and loved her best and for our site here which will be a poorer place without her popping up and getting stuck in. It’s all so wrong

Absolutely yes to Woolly Hugs making. It’s such a long standing tradition on this site to make blankets it will be our privilege. We are going to chat to her friends for ideas. And have a think. But it’s our hope to start over the weekend.

So. Warm up those hooks and needles

Blondes 10 years. That is a shock. I remember when you told us about it and felt for you so much.

am loving Grief Wanking Tourists.

Ah this is so apt that this thread feels like mumsnet of yesteryear, with proper grown up conversation and humour and at the risk of being accused of being a royaltyesque arse licker, some of the old names I haven't come across for years

[wistful]

[just looking for pointy brackets, which I couldn't find and remembered scottishmummys hatred of pointy wee brackets]

'Competitive sadding' was what Cod called it!

Cod scared me. I think BoF and hullygully both had to soothe my fevered brow after various bruising encounters.

@SunshineCake thank you

Still seems a lifetime since dh was here but also no time at all

But

I met a wonderful man 9mths later, without even looking. Just happened , kissed , after wine lol

Moved in together 6mths later , years of ttc and 4 failed ivf , Engaged 3yrs later, should have got married may 2020, then last weekend and now July 2021

But the 5th ivf worked , we have our miracle daughter baby blondes, now toddler blondes who starts school sept

Life is good, miss dh but life goes on. Has to

Sorry for derail on bof thread x

That’s the nicest kind of derail Blondes.

I've posted on FB and elsewhere but in case Bof's family ever get to see this thread, I send you all my most heartfelt condolences. As you must know your wife, Mum, daughter was very loved on Mumsnet! I wasn't one of B's close friends but we did message and chat. I spent the night of her passing back reading back through all our old messages, which were often hilarious. I'm so desperately sorry XX