BOF's Big Bucket List Trip To Anglesey! *MNHQ editing title to say that there is some very sad news contained in this thread. Sending love to all*

[BitOfFun]

AIBU to ask for some help planning this?

I've been on mumsnet almost forever, and it's my go-to place for wisdom, help and advice. I don't really have a long time alive, as my cancer treatment has stopped working, so I'm hoping that some of you can help me plan a trip to Anglesey, so that I've seen somewhere that isn't these four walls during my Liverpool Lockdown!

I don't want to go much further afield, as I would feel better being easily accessible to medical care if necessary. The plan is to hire a car with my husband, who'll drive, and stay a night or two in B&Bs, taking in some coastal views and sunsets.

I'd love to trawl antique shops.
I'd like to take the dog, if possible, though this isn't really essential.
Outdoors is good, but I'll have to use a wheelchair for more than short distances.
I like the idea of "hidden gems" in terms of places to visit (who doesn't?) but comfort is good too.
I'll wait for the weather to warm up a bit, so in a few weeks is fine (I hope!).

I don't want to annoy anybody, but I'd like to use this thread for a bit of support and encouragement, and keep bumping it for more ideas and suggestions.so I can make this trip as special as possible. As Anglesey isn't all that far from where I live, I could split the trip into a few parts.

So, can you help? AIBU?

Yes, Bof had a massive heart and would want anyone thinking of her to do something to help others. She was a huge supporter of Woolly Hugs and they had the Bees Blankets projects - I’m not sure if it’s still going but it’s a brilliant project creating sensory blankets for people with autism.
Im going to try and spread some Bee kindness in her memory. I think that’s apt

It’s either that or a huge amount of wine

Or do feel free to donate to my PayPal account where I promise to use 100% of the funds on short term solutions to the problem of the massive hole in my life where she used to be.

Or the hospice, of course. They pulled out all of the stops to care for her at home, so grudgingly, that’s probably the much better idea.

Yes Woolly Hugs have a huge number of projects where support is welcome and I know Bee would appreciate this much more.

I agree @Pagwatch i am going to pass on some kindness as Bee did, every day. In fact my new mantra is 'what would BOF do/say?'

@fightingirish i think what you suggested is lovely and I was about to offer to contribute but I shall donate to the Hospice

I did toy with suggesting people PayPal me at [email protected] but then thought that might be a bit much.

And then remembered she would have egged me on to do just that, and thought fuck it, I’ve had a wine or four.

Oh fuck me - reality went there 😅😅😅

I'm fairly sure the approved protocol is to organise a dubious meet-up after dark in a lonely setting, with someone no one knows in person, so we can collect the money. Not paypal.

I'll volunteer. On the off chance I don't meet the local axe murderer I promise to pass on almost all of the cash.

@Reality

I did toy with suggesting people PayPal me at [email protected] but then thought that might be a bit much.

And then remembered she would have egged me on to do just that, and thought fuck it, I’ve had a wine or four.

Laughing head off and I bet Bee is too 🤣🤣

Oh lord. What sad news. When I was a newbie I sent her a gushing pm about something she had posted. She quite rightly ignored me.

Fly high BoF.

@Reality

I did toy with suggesting people PayPal me at [email protected] but then thought that might be a bit much.

And then remembered she would have egged me on to do just that, and thought fuck it, I’ve had a wine or four.

@reality another old name

But honestly, @fightingirish is totally legit. She and BoF had an arrangement, we saw it proper unfold on this thread. Also, I am totally booking your b&b asap 👍

Awestruck to see shney on this thread. We were FB mates until I had a total flounce and sacked off all social media for about a year before I snuck back in. 🙂

BOF just wanted a piss up on a beach in Anglesey. I go there often so totally up for a BOF memory beach party one night 👍

Sorry all! Spent the evening cleaning out my garage!

I don't want anything for wreath thank you all for the offers! I want to do it for my friend, our friend

BOF was to come stay in ours. Unfortunately Covid restrictions in wales didn't allow it and I couldn't give her the full experience she wanted and deserved, my offer was fully legit, honest and welcomed by her, I've been part of MN for a long time, plenty know me here in RL, I lost my mam recently to similar cancer to BOF, my mam never got the chance to come see or stay in mine,

BOF would laugh at the "leaving off of a wreath, she would tell me I was a soppy old cow! But I want her memory and intention to get to Anglesey as she so wanted, corny as it is, it's what I want to do !

@fightingirish You're a great friend.

So sorry to hear the news.

I do hope she left her log in with someone close, so they can read how many people were touched by her sense of fun and her kindness on so many threads over so many years.

Rest peacefully BOF

Seeing people who hardly knew her telling me what she would have wanted is making me cross as you don’t have a clue.

By all means, drop a floral Bee into the sea somewhere she never went and had no links to whatsoever apart from a nice offer of a b&b somewhere that was close, but not actually on Anglesey. Video it. Send me the link, so I can watch, OR, you could listen to the people who’ve all known her in RL for years and years and Donate to the hospice. Whatever floats your boat. Or wreath. Whatever.

And as for “oh I’ll pop a card round.” If you actually knew us and knew us properly, you’d realise that posting that just made you look like a dick.

It’s been steadying this last few days to see how many people cared about BOF and I’ve enjoyed reading the memories and stories.

But there’s a difference between offering love, memories and compassion and doing what looks like a piece of grief performance art and telling her closest friends what someone would and wouldn’t have wanted when you don’t actually know. Cos when you do that, it really hurts. Then the grief hits. And grief turns to anger because emotions are running high.

I’m sorry you feel like this Keema. I did pm you a few days ago because I can see how much you are grieving.

@KeemaNaanAndCurryOn no offence intended to anyone, you have my apologies if I've caused you anger, it was just a silly idea, I'll leave this thread now not to offend anyone else,

Seeing people who hardly knew her telling me what she would have wanted is making me cross as you don’t have a clue.
By all means, drop a floral Bee into the sea somewhere she never went and had no links to whatsoever apart from a nice offer of a b&b somewhere that was close, but not actually on Anglesey. Video it. Send me the link, so I can watch, OR, you could listen to the people who’ve all known her in RL for years and years and Donate to the hospice. Whatever floats your boat. Or wreath. Whatever.

I'm sorry you lost your friend. I'm sure many would be happy to donate to the hospice but Afaics the Bee wreath idea also comes from a friend and a place of love and I'm sure BOF would laugh at the sentiment. .

I think (and it's understandable because MN is such a big place this days) that maybe some people posting don't understand that Bee had a core of friends (including *KeemaNaanAndCurryOn) who were very, very close in real life, and knew Bee and her husband very well.

I'm not one of those people, but I know them, and I can see how much things that might seem really trivial and harmless do actually hurt.

I would be worried about sending (dozens? hundreds? we know what MN is like when people get the bit between their teeth) through Bee's door. Because sure, it sounds like a nice idea but in the end, that's going to be a very sad family sloughing through a load of envelopes and it's just more work than people maybe need a this time.

I always thought the woolley hugs were a beautiful idea, but this situation has made me realise something else about them. They allow a lot of people to contribute to a memorial, but in a way that doesn't place a huge burden on close loved ones to process each and every single contribution.

SarahAndQuack

That’s all very true.
I know I’m banging on about Woolly Hugs but that is exactly what they do - they allow you to be part of a collective response to loss and create something tangible and meaningful which doesn’t burden the family.

You should bang on!

But the wreath offer doesn't 'come from a friend.' It comes from a random Bee talked to once and met on this very thread last month. So yep, that's why her true friends, the ones who really have slogged away on this shit journey with her - day after day, week after week and year after year - have taken offence. Boundaries are really important sometimes.

Grief wanking tourists indeed.