It’s not my mums business who I say happy birthday to on Facebook or anywhere else.....

[TransplantedScouser]

But if a back story..... my aunt and uncle have a history of being selfish, tight and basically complete fuckwits. Their daughter who is now 57 is the ultimate princess who can’t do anything wrong.

Before Christmas was the aunt and uncle did something that really hurt my mother (in family by marriage - dad dead) and uncle (brother of aunt) - I have never and will never forgive them for it. Mother and hurt uncle have got over it but still slag them off behind their backs which I say is two faced.

Now, the princess borrowed a LOT of money years ago when her then husband was declared bankrupt. It was to save the house and as she had two children and one disabled most of us clubbed together.

In the following ten years she continued to go on holiday, to ladies day at the races etc etc without making any effort to pay any of us back first.
We were well - if I sell the house I’ll pay you back. In the meantime her disable daughter turned 21 and is now in a care facility 50 miles away and she’s seen he once in six months because she’s so busy.

I can’t stand the woman. Her own brother won’t have anything to do with her.

So I got a phone call this afternoon asking why I hadn’t wished her happy birthday- frankly it’s because I do t want to.

I got blackmailed j to sending aunt and uncle a card at Christmas and for their diamond wedding anniversary with my mother saying she wouldn’t talk to me if I continued to hold a grudge. I can’t stand them. They are selfish and vile. I backed down.

I’m not backing down on wishing the princess happy birthday. Mother is threatening to disown me if I dont

Would you just come off Facebook maybe?

That’s not the issue actually - it’s my mother telling me who I have to send cards to and wish happy birthday to.

The easier answer is to block her

Totally up to you and I'd guess your mother won't do it anyway, over something so trivial.

Just say you have wished her happy birthday but not through Facebook then engage no further.

Blocking your mother will simply feed the fire OP. (How is she your mother by marriage?)
TBH you don’t exactly come out of this well by calling others vile and labelling another woman a princess.

You're an adult, of course it's your choice who you send cards to. If your mother wants to disown you that's her choice. Don't get drawn into family disputes it makes life so much less stressful to not take sides.

She’s my mother and in the family by marriage. Our only surviving family are on my dads side.

Why are they vile?

Aunt and uncle

1. They used to go out for meals with mum and uncle but insisted on only paying 1/3 on household basis rather than 1/2 as they made up half the people.

1. When someone else is paying they order the most expensive thing on the menu regardless of If they like it or not because they can

1. If you leave them alone in a room they snoop through your personal stif

1. The uncle is little lord fountelroy who can’t do anything because of a bad back. Gets his wife to cut up his food for him and asks her to try stuff first to see if he would like it. He complained to Johnnlewis when they delivered a microwave in a plain van and not a branded one because what would the neighbours think. He’s changed cars every three years despite them not being able. To afford it because we’ll he’s got that status - he was a fucking meter reader for the gas board

1. The wife let’s him get away with it despite her being nearly blind from complications

Of diabetes he still makes her get out of the car, open the gate and garage so he can drive his prized fiat 500 into it. She’s fallen five times doing this because she can’t see squat but he doesn’t care.

As for cousin- she has been brought up to believe she can never do anything wrong and the world owes her a favour. Even her own brother won’t be in the same rooms as her

There's a care home for disabled adults that has allowed visitors during the last six months?

One of my friends has been in bits privately because she hasn't been able to see her eldest since Covid kicked off. If there's somewhere that's been allowing visits throughout, that makes her loss (because it is a loss for her) even harder.

So she’s not your mother.
You think she’s two faced as she both slags them off and doesn’t want to fall out with them.
You don’t like them.

Avoid the lot?
All a bit Jeremy Kyle TBH.

Stick to your guns, maybe your mam might learn something from you.

Your mother sounds as toxic as the rest of them.

Just laugh at them. Seriously. They are plainly silly posturing people, and the best thing you can do about people like this is just to laugh at them. Your mum won't disown you over this.

She is my mother!

My mum married
My dad

Then had me

Dad is dead

Every person who ever lived on my mother’s side is dead

The only family left is my dad side so they are my mother family by marriage!

Daughter has autism. They have allowed visits and weekend release for three entire last year. Ex husband takes met most of the time because the mother can’t be bothered impacting her social life

Wow, sounds like everyone is behaving very immaturely. Life is too short to live like this.

I don't understand. Is she your mother or not your mother?

She is her mother. The OP means these relatives, other than her mother, ate all on her (dead) father's side of the family. Her mother married in to this family. She has no relatives on her mother's side, other than said mother. The aunt is father's sister, uncle 1 is her husband, Princess is their daughter. Other uncle is aunt's brother.

So much drama OP. You'd be much happier without it.

There are better ways to say happy birthday to someone if you're that inclined. Like a phonecall, a text or even a WhatsApp message.

Saying happy birthday on Facebook, and everyone else parrotting what the first person said means nothing really.

I would have little time for this. I'd just say to your mum that she can do what she likes.

It's her mother, all other members of her mum's family are dead.

I got blackmailed j to sending aunt and uncle a card at Christmas and for their diamond wedding anniversary with my mother saying she wouldn’t talk to me if I continued to hold a grudge. I can’t stand them. They are selfish and vile. I backed down.

I couldn't be doing with this level of involvement. My mother has no idea who I send cards to or not. If she refuses to talk to you let her do it. That's her problem.

How much money did you loan Princess arse-face?

Honestly, dump the fucking lot of them! They sound awful.

Tell your mum to back off and manage her own relationships and you will do whatever you want to do and face any consequences

You should have run for the hills a long time ago!

In total she was leant 100k

I leant her 12k, my mum 800 quid / her parents maxed out credit cards

Her brother leant her the majority at 60k but when she didn’t pay a penny back for over 10 years despite having holidays and going to the races he asked for interest on it since the money had come from his wife’s redundancy payment. That was when she and her parents saw their arse and think the brother is evil personified for daring to want interest.

I also asked for interest by the way.

If she’s made even a small attempt to pay it back rather than going on holiday five times a years and to the races every other week I would not have done. But apparently she deserved it because of the shot life she had.

I just spoke to my mother and asked her why is should wish happy birthday to someone I can’t stand - and she said “manners and to keep the peace”

Which is my mother swan song “ don’t cause trouble”

She can't be that bothered because she's no concerns about keeping the peace with you!