It’s not my mums business who I say happy birthday to on Facebook or anywhere else.....

[TransplantedScouser]

But if a back story..... my aunt and uncle have a history of being selfish, tight and basically complete fuckwits. Their daughter who is now 57 is the ultimate princess who can’t do anything wrong.

Before Christmas was the aunt and uncle did something that really hurt my mother (in family by marriage - dad dead) and uncle (brother of aunt) - I have never and will never forgive them for it. Mother and hurt uncle have got over it but still slag them off behind their backs which I say is two faced.

Now, the princess borrowed a LOT of money years ago when her then husband was declared bankrupt. It was to save the house and as she had two children and one disabled most of us clubbed together.

In the following ten years she continued to go on holiday, to ladies day at the races etc etc without making any effort to pay any of us back first.
We were well - if I sell the house I’ll pay you back. In the meantime her disable daughter turned 21 and is now in a care facility 50 miles away and she’s seen he once in six months because she’s so busy.

I can’t stand the woman. Her own brother won’t have anything to do with her.

So I got a phone call this afternoon asking why I hadn’t wished her happy birthday- frankly it’s because I do t want to.

I got blackmailed j to sending aunt and uncle a card at Christmas and for their diamond wedding anniversary with my mother saying she wouldn’t talk to me if I continued to hold a grudge. I can’t stand them. They are selfish and vile. I backed down.

I’m not backing down on wishing the princess happy birthday. Mother is threatening to disown me if I dont

That's a FORTUNE

How are you all going to get your monies back ? I assume you've got a financial agreement/texts in case you need to sue her for it?

So sorry for you

Send her a solicitor's letter for your money.

We got our money back when she eventually sold the house.

I just sent this to my mother....

In the two years I worked in the same building she didn’t bother to reply to an email suggesting we meet for coffee- I sent two. DH messaged her a few times saying he was picking me up, they’d never met but he could say hi - always had an excuse. She doesn’t have time for her own daughter, she’s taken the piss out of the entire family for a decade to the extent her own brother can’t be arsed with her. Her son can’t be arsed with her. And you think I should feel bad for not saying happy birthday. She is an over entitled princess who needs to be taken down a ring or two and as usual you say one thing and then do the other

You sound very venomous yourself op. You've a nickname for everyone and an eye for everyone's flaws, including your mums.

All sounds pathetic and silly! Disown the lot of them and live your life.

Well that’s that then I guess

You're an adult. If you don't like them, don't speak to them. Your mother is an absolute idiot if she's going to disown her own child because her child doesn't like another relative.

What a load of pointless drama. Tell your mum you won't be blackmailed. If she continues then call her bluff.

Send obligatory cards but with a letter on how much their behaviour disgusts them....

If you've got your money back just don't engage in any of it. If your mum disowns you that's her problem.

And request your "loan" back....

@TransplantedScouser

We got our money back when she eventually sold the house.

I just sent this to my mother....

In the two years I worked in the same building she didn’t bother to reply to an email suggesting we meet for coffee- I sent two. DH messaged her a few times saying he was picking me up, they’d never met but he could say hi - always had an excuse. She doesn’t have time for her own daughter, she’s taken the piss out of the entire family for a decade to the extent her own brother can’t be arsed with her. Her son can’t be arsed with her. And you think I should feel bad for not saying happy birthday. She is an over entitled princess who needs to be taken down a ring or two and as usual you say one thing and then do the other

This is far too much involvement in your life. You’ve reacted like a child instead of an adult.

Just say nothing other than you made a decision to your DM.
No point causing her upset, her attitude is a product of her surroundings keeping up appearances.

Your DM is extreme btw I'm not agreeing with her attitude it is bonkers.

Just say "no" to your mother. Getting into a discussion about it is pointless. Your mother isn't suddenly going to change into someone else and have a different opinion about this. The only thing you are achieving by engaging in discussion is winding yourself up.

Your mother asks, you say "No". She says "Then I will disown you". You say "Ok". No-one in their right mind is going to disown someone over something so trivial. She is just threatening it to try to manipulate you into doing what she wants.

I can’t believe your mother thinks she can tell you what to do. My mum wouldn’t dream of it, especially something as petty as this. How old are you?
I find it very strange your mother is like this, you say your aunt and uncle are controlling, but your mother sounds unbelievably controlling herself.
Your aunt and uncle are a bit money obsessed, if you don’t want to have anything to do with them then don’t. You’re a grown women, who you socialise with is nothing to do with your mother. If your mother thinks she can dictate to you then let her fall out with you for a bit. Stop even discussing it, you don’t have to defend it to you mum. I’d just say “I’ve told you I am not saying happy birthday, but frankly that’s none of your business anyway. I’m not speaking about it anymore, that’s final”

This is odd, I don't even notice who wishes me HB on Facebook... tell your mum she's being childish and most people don't care

I’m 45 and she’s 77

I’m the baby of the family in that my nearest cousins are in their late 50s

It is like something out of a kids playground sometimes which is one of the reasons I moved to the other end of the country

Let your mum disown you then, how pathetic. You're an adult and can do as you wish. I've had family do the same to me and it's very frustrating. I just tell them I'll do what I feel I want to and leave it there.