Shit-stirring mother.

[FrostyChocolateMilkshake]

My mum seems to love to shit stir and make me out to be a horrible, selfish person.

I don't have kids (out of choice) and my mum constantly makes digs at me about it. Tells her friends at work and other family members about my decision not to have kids, is very disappointed in me etc.

I am meeting my mum for a walk tomorrow and she has told me my brother and SIL are going to be there, with their child. Mum told me she is worried about me being there too because I "get jealous of the attention the child receives". I have no idea where this has come from. I am a 30 year old woman and certainly not jealous of a 3 year old child! I'm anxious now with what my mum thinks of me. She's always shit stirring and making me out to be a villain.

I'd love to go NC sometimes and move away further from her and cut her off completely.

Sorry for the rant...I guess my AIBU is am I being precious/oversensitive? Or does my mum need to stop being a dick?

This isn't an isolated incident btw. She has been constantly nit-picking about everything from my looks to my boyfriebds to my career choices throughout my life.

I think in this case they were offering a get out for the OP @Piglet89.

Aaah sorry, I misinterpreted. Fair enough, apologies.

Two good books that maybe helpful OP
Mothers who can’t love wordery.com/mothers-who-cant-love-dr-susan-forward-9780062204363/GB?currency=GBP&gtrck=true&gclid=CjwKCAiA4rGCBhAQEiwAelVti0vhJt7w0b7NcI2JV5wdf3XUAQHwm2YhMa1o-ptISjyBHl98XuPCBhoCVloQAvD_BwE

Emotionally absent mother www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/books/jasmin-lee-cori/emotionally-absent-mother/9781615190287?gclid=CjwKCAiA4rGCBhAQEiwAelVti0_Pd7GJdGUdOWbpuQRMee4Q-D5iiqFwwAdIaE0wy48ODnLkXFxxPBoCrAYQAvD_BwE
They can be a painful read but really helpful at making sense of things and helping you heal.

She’s a cow. She has the issues, not you. She’s a bitch to you quite frankly so tell her to sort her own life out.

@FrostyChocolateMilkshake

One minute she is my best friend being kind and nice and jovial towards me. The next she is playing me off against other family members. It's toxic as fuck.

My DM sounds similar except she doesn’t talk about me behind my back. She criticises me to my face. Our relationship has improved dramatically since I entered my 20s after a breakdown that almost killed me. My DM noticeably favours my DBs despite me being her firstborn. I don’t mind being around her now, but only for small amount of time. I gave up trying to excel at everything (I was always top of the class, my academic abilities excelling that of my DBs) because I’ll never have her approval.

My advice to you is to explain to your DB about how your DM treats you before she exaggerates the events. Then quietly go NC.

it is yoir decision not to have kids,it is your life & yours alone, our daughter replies to people who ask if she has any is always the same answer....why should I bring something so innocent into this turmoil, look at the mess its in. a lot of people take it on board, as her parents,we couldn't care less...it is her life with her choices, never understood why parents harass their children to have children,what is the deal? the world is a complete shambles,why add more

My mum was the scapegoat. All her siblings were ‘better’ than her.
She is scrupulously fair to me and my siblings. We are all her favourites and loved beyond measure.
My mum went NC with her mum when I was about 15. It was painful to her, but she was so much less miserable.

@FarTooMuchWashing that’s absolutely lovely. I’m trying to do exactly what your mum did. X

@Nenevalleykayaker and you’re still in contact with your mother? She sounds horrific.

@FrostyChocolateMilkshake you say you love your mum? I’d say it’s more a societal training, where you’re supposed to love her. If a partner treated you this way, you would leave him, I hope. A great relief for me was telling her it was none of her business when she banged on about me having children. I got good at calling her out on comments, she hates me being fat after losing tons of weight and is always on about it. I just shut her down. I honestly wouldn’t tolerate her horrible comments. Walk away, phone down, be brave. Don’t let her do this to you.

OP,

Your husband not being on your side is not good.

Why would you marry a man who hasn't got your back?

Have a look at your relationship, have you married a dud because you were reared by such a nasty bitch?

Your mother is an abject failure.

Get some therapy to help you learn to love yourself first and then you might start valuing yourself.

You deserve better.

Block your mother.
You owe her nothing.

Be strong, you already are having to put up with her even if you don't feel that way, she is probably incapable of change, especially if she sees nothing wrong in her behaviour, she would have to want to change. My heart goes out to you, I have been in your position and eventually walked away. I tried everything but you cant change someone else, there are no magic buttons to press. I began to believe in myself again, stronger, confident, decisive and most of all content and happy, at peace with my decision. Best wishes.

Remember, every accusation is an admission. Pity her for the miserable, black-hole of joy she is.

I would advise to start being incredibly busy. Much too busy to take phone calls, say you’ll call her back at some unspecified time in the future and rarely do.