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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need talking down, please please please.

90 replies

giletrouge · 12/03/2021 11:51

Talk me down please. I’ve just come across an utter, utter cunt of a man on Facebook, in a group where we discuss Radio 4 programmes of all things, who is suggesting Nazanin Zaghari Ratcliffe ‘might’ actually be guilty of what Iran has convicted her of. With everything else going on for women at the moment this has fucking broken me and I’d actually like to kill him. Luckily I have no idea where he lives but I’m trying to hold myself back from going utterly insane on Facebook. Just talk to me. About anything, I don’t care. I’m trying to have a civilised conversation with him and challenge him with facts when all I want to do is tell him he’s all kinds of arseholes. I need stopping.

OP posts:
stablefeet · 12/03/2021 11:54

You know there are people on social media who act like this for fun? Just don't ever engage with them, not worth it. Now go and block him so you never see anything he posts again. You'll feel better.

korawick12345 · 12/03/2021 11:56

Well she 'might' be! My guess is that it's highly unlikely that she is but it's not something anyone can have bulletproof certainty over unless they are in some way involved. You seem to be having a very extreme reaction to this. It sounds like he might not be very smart and you are best off ignoring him.

bookworm34 · 12/03/2021 11:57

If Facebook is effecting you that much... it's time to delete your account.

Rollmopsrule · 12/03/2021 12:01

Oh god you'll never have a civilised conversation with some of the nutters on social media. He could be doing it for kicks. Honestly just don't bother.

Loopyloututu2 · 12/03/2021 12:03

Get off Facebook. And Twitter and all that shite too.

You’ll honestly feel SO much better!

M0rT · 12/03/2021 12:03

He is in all likelihood on the windup and will "win" if you post anything at all.
Block him as pp suggested and maybe change what your doing right now, go and have a shower, put a wash on, do your nails... anything to get you back in the real world and thinking about a task rather than ideology.

Carolina24 · 12/03/2021 12:05

He’s just trying to wind you up. You don’t need talking down, you just need to close your Facebook app or browser and do something else. Some men will always look for a way to wind women up. Don’t give him what he wants.

Sahm101 · 12/03/2021 12:06

You do need to step away from fb. It's causing you to feel extreme and the loss of control over yourself. Your reaction is really unhealthy. Step away.

BrumBoo · 12/03/2021 12:07

Oh I've come across a few of these recently. They're trolls, but it's difficult not to bite. Just had one tell me that Meghan Markle deserves what she gets for the media due to 'what she is'. They really know the words to use to get the rage going.

They're going to up their game in the next few days, the whole 'media enlightenment' on male pattern violence has kicked the hornets nest.

Heronwatcher · 12/03/2021 12:07

You can’t reason with crazy. Or he’s a deliberate contrarian. Best thing to do to wind him up is leave the thread, turn your phone off and go for a walk.

NerrSnerr · 12/03/2021 12:08

Never ever get into an argument with a stranger on Facebook. It'll never end well and there's no chance of them saying 'you made me realise I'm wrong'. Just ignore. If everyone ignores these nobbers they'd go away.

Original poster
giletrouge · 12/03/2021 12:08

Is it unhealthy to feel like this? Is it? With things for women as they are, is it unhealthy to feel this level of rage? I don't just feel it for him, but he's the trigger. I know that. But is it really unhealthy to be fucking raging at the moment about the way women are treated by men?

OP posts:
MagnoliaBeige · 12/03/2021 12:10

Your reaction is OTT and suggests you need a break from Facebook, you’re arguing with a total stranger about a situation you literally have no way of knowing 100% for sure who is right and who is wrong. Block him, log out of Facebook and do something in your actual real life, you’ll feel better for it!

Original poster
giletrouge · 12/03/2021 12:12

See I looked at his profile and he looks like a normal left-wing bloke, the kind I have in my friendship group in real life. That makes it worse. If I could see clearly he was a bot/troll I'd scroll on by.

Ok I WILL scroll on by, and other people have joined in now, it's not just me. But boy what he said just bloody broke me, I'm going to be raging for a while now. Thank you my lovely mumsnetters.

OP posts:
Loopyloututu2 · 12/03/2021 12:12

Is it unhealthy to feel like this? Is it? With things for women as they are, is it unhealthy to feel this level of rage? I don't just feel it for him, but he's the trigger. I know that. But is it really unhealthy to be fucking raging at the moment about the way women are treated by men?

The problem is when you get yourself so worked up and angry it’s damaging for you. Put your energy into something productive - are there any women’s charities you could volunteer for?
You can’t argue with stupid and unfortunately a LOT of people on these forums are extremely dim.

Justcallmebebes · 12/03/2021 12:13

Don't engage and get of facebook. I did this ages ago and have never looked back. It's a cesspit of morons, as is Twitter

Original poster
giletrouge · 12/03/2021 12:13

You are all right it's a really pointless use of my time.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/03/2021 12:13

Just don’t engage with him at all. Totally pointless to do so.

Original poster
giletrouge · 12/03/2021 12:16

@Loopyloututu2

Is it unhealthy to feel like this? Is it? With things for women as they are, is it unhealthy to feel this level of rage? I don't just feel it for him, but he's the trigger. I know that. But is it really unhealthy to be fucking raging at the moment about the way women are treated by men?

The problem is when you get yourself so worked up and angry it’s damaging for you. Put your energy into something productive - are there any women’s charities you could volunteer for?
You can’t argue with stupid and unfortunately a LOT of people on these forums are extremely dim.

I've been active in feminism all my life, in various ways. I'm now old and retired and living out in the country and there's no-where I could volunteer within miles. And I've got other things to do.
See he doesn't seem dim - he's very articulate. Dim I can ignore. But thank you.
OP posts:
Thehawki · 12/03/2021 12:18

It’s unhealthy to let a troll make you feel like this, yes. However I’m quite partial to a good ‘lol, you’re pathetic’ and then watching them melt down Grin I never really respond any further which seems to grind their gears.

The best thing for your mental health right now though is to leave your laptop and go for a walk, it’s not healthy to be this worked up over a weirdo online.

emilyfrost · 12/03/2021 12:20

@giletrouge

Is it unhealthy to feel like this? Is it? With things for women as they are, is it unhealthy to feel this level of rage? I don't just feel it for him, but he's the trigger. I know that. But is it really unhealthy to be fucking raging at the moment about the way women are treated by men?
Of course it’s unhealthy to feel rags at a total stranger for just doing the same as you - expressing an opinion.

The fact of the matter is that as awful as the situation is, we don’t actually know the truth.

It’s not up to you to try and educate people or change their minds, especially on an ongoing case where nobody really knows what’s going on.

Sahm101 · 12/03/2021 12:21

Yes it is unhealthy that you feel like killing someone, and that people need to talk you down ????

Original poster
giletrouge · 12/03/2021 12:21

God yes I need to - at most - LOL him. Great suggestion.

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 12/03/2021 12:23

@giletrouge

God yes I need to - at most - LOL him. Great suggestion.
He really won’t care or be bothered by that.
Sargass0 · 12/03/2021 12:23

I’m trying to have a civilised conversation with him and challenge him with facts when all I want to do is tell him he’s all kinds of arseholes. I need stopping.

Why are you incapable having a civilised discussion with him? If you want to challenge him with facts then do so and allow him the same courtesy.

From your posts he doesn't seem to have been abusive or misogynistic - he just has a different point of view to you. Which is still allowed