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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need talking down, please please please.

90 replies

giletrouge · 12/03/2021 11:51

Talk me down please. I’ve just come across an utter, utter cunt of a man on Facebook, in a group where we discuss Radio 4 programmes of all things, who is suggesting Nazanin Zaghari Ratcliffe ‘might’ actually be guilty of what Iran has convicted her of. With everything else going on for women at the moment this has fucking broken me and I’d actually like to kill him. Luckily I have no idea where he lives but I’m trying to hold myself back from going utterly insane on Facebook. Just talk to me. About anything, I don’t care. I’m trying to have a civilised conversation with him and challenge him with facts when all I want to do is tell him he’s all kinds of arseholes. I need stopping.

OP posts:
Naughtyvegan · 12/03/2021 12:24

People like him are why I deleted my fb profile 5 weeks ago and don't miss it.

SignsofSpring · 12/03/2021 12:29

If I ever feel like I'm getting upset or emotionally entangled on a thread on mumsnet, I just close it and don't look for a day or two! I've heard it described as the 'drop the prickly ball' strategy- don't carry on holding it!

FullofCurryandparatha · 12/03/2021 12:31

Is it unhealthy to feel like this? Is it? With things for women as they are, is it unhealthy to feel this level of rage?

Yes. You need to get off FB, and MN as well.

friendlycat · 12/03/2021 12:34

It's quite simply just step away from FB and social media. Job done.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/03/2021 12:36

Being this riled up by some stupid post on Facebook is not normal or healthy. You clearly need to step away from all the bullshit social media. Honestly, it's bonkers to allow something so insignificant to impact you like this.

Viviennemary · 12/03/2021 12:37

You need to get a grip. I don't know enough about this to express an opinion. What isn't in doubt is that she has been unlucky enough to fall foul of a vicious, oppressive and corrupt regime.

idontlikealdi · 12/03/2021 12:39

Honestly you take a very large step back. A very large step.

YoniAndGuy · 12/03/2021 12:40

This is why people say - don't feed trolls.

The most crushing thing you can do is not reply - not acknowledge them.

Sad little people who define 'importance' by getting reactions.

He doesn't think what he's saying is true... won't have the mental capacity to think full stop, and if he did... he'd have better things to do with his time. Sadly, he doesn't...

The day should come when, when trolls post, the reaction is... nothing. From anyone. No likes. No angry faces. No reaction. The rest of the world carries on happily as if they'd never spoken, because they are negligible.

AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters · 12/03/2021 12:46

I think you’ve had an extreme reaction to this. It is possible she could be guilty. I don’t believe she is but surely you can understand why some people believe there’s no smoke without fire.
Also I read once that some people will always believe that rape victims were asking for it, women shouldn’t walk alone at night, parents like the McCanns murdered their daughter or a woman like Nazanin Zaghari-Radcliffe is guilty as a way of protecting themselves and believing these things won’t happen to them.

Original poster
giletrouge · 12/03/2021 12:47

I'm listening to you all. It's going in. Honestly.

OP posts:
BrumBoo · 12/03/2021 12:47

What I'm loving the most on this thread is the recation the the op of how she's overreacting and need to ignore trolls, when many a poster here continues to feed trolls and goady gits on MN like its not exactly the same thing....

WeIcomeToGilead · 12/03/2021 12:48

Meh

Turn off the laptop and go for a walk

There’s life outside screens

Original poster
giletrouge · 12/03/2021 12:48

@AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters

I think you’ve had an extreme reaction to this. It is possible she could be guilty. I don’t believe she is but surely you can understand why some people believe there’s no smoke without fire. Also I read once that some people will always believe that rape victims were asking for it, women shouldn’t walk alone at night, parents like the McCanns murdered their daughter or a woman like Nazanin Zaghari-Radcliffe is guilty as a way of protecting themselves and believing these things won’t happen to them.
Yes, that's a good reminder - as a way of believing it won't happen to them. Of course. Thank you.
OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 12/03/2021 12:52

Talking about wating to kill someone does seem pretty extreme. Sounds like SM may not be the place for you. I quit SM months ago and don't miss it a bit.

Awomanwalksintoabar · 12/03/2021 12:54

As my DH and I say to each other, whenever we're tempted to get into a Twitter spat with some arsehole: "Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig will enjoy it."

littlepattilou · 12/03/2021 12:56

@giletrouge

YANBU to be annoyed with this man.

YABU to be so massively invested in this woman, and to say what's happened to her has BROKEN you. You don't even know the woman! Confused And saying you want to KILL the man for his opinions is bizarre.

Come off the internet for a week. It's not good for you.

partyatthepalace · 12/03/2021 12:58

Jesus OP when I clicked on your thread I thought it was someone in real trouble.

Don’t cry wolf like this. Get out of the conversation now, and come off all social media for a month. He’s a troll or an idiot but it sounds like your rationality has flown out of the window too.

I repeat - get off social media for a month. Get your perspective back. If you want to do something useful for the many problems of women there are many ways to do that.

It’s probably lockdown madness.

IndecentFeminist · 12/03/2021 13:00

Honestly, the only thing I would do in this situation is use the laugh response. Then you don't keep getting notifications.

But honestly, FB is a shitfest. I deleted my decade old account last year and started a very basic one with no friends, purely to access business pages, school page etc.

IndecentFeminist · 12/03/2021 13:02

But also, if all he is saying is that she 'might' be guilty, I really can't see how that is rage-worthy

Meowchickameowmeow · 12/03/2021 13:02

It's broken you? What does that even mean?
Your reaction sounds all a bit overly dramatic.

LittleMimi · 12/03/2021 13:03

I feel so much better for getting off facebook and twitter. It’s a waste of time.

Though in your post you haven’t articulated well what he’s doing that’s annoying. She could be “guilty” of what they’ve accused her of. Is he saying her treatment is justified? I mean she may well have been training journalists - I know the line was that Boris made a mistake but maybe his mistake was in telling the truth from a report he shouldn’t have shared. Either way I feel sorry for her and training journalists or anything she’s been accused of shouldn’t warrant the treatment.

FullofCurryandparatha · 12/03/2021 13:04

But also, if all he is saying is that she 'might' be guilty, I really can't see how that is rage-worthy

Exactly. I don't agree with him, but it's not completely impossible.

Spinachsarah · 12/03/2021 13:06

As long as he's not being abusive other people have a right to opinions too. That's what social media is about. I don't have any social media as I get drawn into stuff like this a bit too much. (suppose mumsnet is abit social mediery)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 12/03/2021 13:06

You are giving him headspace. If he could read your post he'd be doing a happy dance. Is that what you want?

Please, I mean this nicely but get a grip of yourself. Trolls are nothing new, they ooze amongst us, doing their best to get a reaction. Don't give him one.

Is there a reason why you won't block people from getting to you like this? You need to find a coping strategy. I think the suggestion of 'LOL' at every post is the best thing if you absolutely must respond.

I agree that you're being overdramatic. Give yourself a holiday from FB would be my other suggestion.

Chathamhouserules · 12/03/2021 13:11

He has a right to his opinion. Its not the same as saying her treatment is justified. The danger is I think you can get used to only talking to people who share your opinions. And then you have an extreme reaction when you come across someone who disagrees with you. Which isn't right. You need to break from social media.