How would you divide our finances?

[GalleryGirl]

Not AIBU so much as WWYD...

I always find the finances threads interesting; a common theme tends to be completely shared finances, so I'm interested to see what people suggest for us

DP and I have been together 3 years, not married.
We've recently bought a house together.

The house is split 50/50 - DP paid his half in full, I have a mortgage for my half.

8 years ago, DP's parents gave him an interest free loan for his previous house, and the house increased in value substantially so a combination of savings (no mortgage interest + being frugal) and house value increase left him with enough capital to buy his half of our house outright, plus leave him with about £70k in savings.

I'm employed and also run 2 businesses, one of which employs DP part time.

DP works approx 25 hours a week (admin work, WFH) - he earns £1,000 a month after tax.

I work 60 hours a week in my job, plus another 40-50 hours for the businesses. I don't need to do the job but I enjoy it, though its very physically demanding. I earn £3000 a month from my job, plus £2 - £4k from the businesses. (after tax). I reinvest most of my money into the businesses, and am setting up a third with my current savings.

We split the household chores evenly - though DP does all the dog walks (2 hours a day).

All house renovations are split 50/50.

So in summary:
DP works 25 hours a week, earns £1k a month, has £70k in savings - does not pay mortgage.
I work 100 hours a week, earn £5-7k a month, have £50k in savings - pays mortgage.

How would you divide our living expenses? (water, electricity, council tax, food, holidays, etc etc)

Please be nice, I know finances can sometimes rub people up the wrong way but if it bothers you, please just scroll on

When DH and I married 32 years ago, the house: equity and mortgage were mine. DH had prospects but no money and worked incredibly hard. We had a pre-nup which setbout that dh was purchasing a proportion of the house and from marriage that proportion was eligible to attract a Capital Gain. In the early days this agreement transferred proportionally to our next house. Then I gave up work to be a SAHM and DH's career took off. We are both close to retirement now. The pre-nup fell years ago, I went back to work when the dc started school and am now at director level.

The initial split became irrelevant after about 6/7 years. Of greater concern to me is the fact that whilst dh was and his a workaholic often working 100hpw our input was always equal. When the dc were small and I worked 40hpw, relieving the au-pair at 6pm, to take over homework, school stuff, domestic admin, etc, he was still working so our overall contribution to our lives, taking money out of the equation was equal.

We have always had separate bank accounts. We haven't always known exactly what the other earns or has saved. That's been fine because money has never been an issue and we both have similar tastes and attitudes to spending and saving.

Does your DP work 25 hours a week by choice? Does he have health issues? Does he only work for your business? What would he do if you didn't employ him?

Do you have DC?

I would assume two adults sharing a home would split the expenses 50/50?

But why wasn't this all discussed before you bought a property together?

What is your additional business? Just it feels like you're working loads. To me my life would be pretty grim if I was working this much. Also if you weren't able to employ him could he easily get a job?

It just feels very unequal. And I don't think if he only works 25 hr and you do 100 you should be sharing chores equally.

Why does your partner work 25 hours per week?

I think I'd split everything in half, except obviously you'll pay the mortgage on your own. I would over pay that with any spare money, rather than paying to help him pay the bills.

If your partner wants more money per month, he could always get another part time job.

I'd split the cleaning but I'd pay for a cleaner to do my share.

I would have ringfenced his payment into the house as I am confused by the mortgage thing in terms of equity. Then both pay the mortgage and split the remainder after his downpayment was taken out

You work 4 times more than him but household chores are 50/50

Does your DP work 25 hours a week by choice? Does he have health issues? Does he only work for your business? What would he do if you didn't employ him? Do you have DC?

DP hated his previous job (office admin), it was really causing him problems so he came into my business to take some excess workload off me - I worked out a portion of the profits that was fair for the work done and that's the £1000 he currently earns. This roughly matches how much he was earning at his previous job, but fewer hours.
He doesn't have health issues.
He works only for my business.
He'd return back to an office job if I didn't employ him.
He's not work shy - he's said previously that he'd rather go back to the office (and work longer hours for less pay) than risk me resenting him, but I don't resent him so that's not an issue.
We don't have children - just one (quite high needs!) dog.

How do you work 110 hours per week?
When do you sleep?
Pay a cleaner

Why does your partner work 25 hours per week?

25 hours per week in my business pays as much as he was earning doing 40 hours a week in his last job.
If he were to work elsewhere - he likely be working longer hours with less pay.

It's important to note that I could work 25 hours if I chose to, and we'd still be able to afford the bills. But I enjoy my job, the challenge of my business and want the security of multiple incomes. DP is has far lower "needs" financially.

How much are your regular bills? Maybe £1k per month doesn't cover his 'share'?

My DH & I spend approx £3k per month on all bills (high pension, life insurance costs, supporting a DS at Uni etc) ... my earning are less than £1k per month so I suppose I don't exactly pay my 'fair share' but we've never argued over money in our 30+ years of marriage.

I think your split sounds about right. You put in equally, equally share tasks and equally split bills.

That said it seems quite an unusual pattern. Your DH working relatively few hours, but with little left to spend it on. You working an average of 22 and a half hours a day 7 days a week, but with lots of cash.

Each to his own, but I can see how resentment could build on both sides of this equation.

You should each split the bills 50/50.

@HollowTalk

Why does your partner work 25 hours per week?

I think I'd split everything in half, except obviously you'll pay the mortgage on your own. I would over pay that with any spare money, rather than paying to help him pay the bills.

If your partner wants more money per month, he could always get another part time job.

I agree with this.

Has DP suggested you pay more than him?

If he works for you, and all income is generated by you, you'd be screwed if you stopped working for children etc.

Usually I am a strong advocate of 50:50 especially if married. With you and your hugely unequal money, and the fact that his all comes from you anyway, I would keep that very separate.

What does he do in the 75 hours you're working and he isn't?

@Embracelife

How do you work 110 hours per week? When do you sleep? Pay a cleaner

I'm a Nanny. I'm on duty 24/6 - but obviously the child sleeps during the night so it's debateable as to whether that counts as work, though i have the monitor - I rounded it to 60 hours. I will work a full Sunday on the business and overlap my work so I am doing 1-2 hours during the day whilst the child naps, plus a few hours each evening once she's in bed.

I actually really struggle to find a cleaner that is reliable! It's a nightmare!

But why wasn't this all discussed before you bought a property together?

It was - I'm not unhappy with our arrangement, just curious on opinions. At the moment we split all bills 50/50, I pay for all food and any luxuries (eating out mainly) plus the car (he doesn't drive). I paid for the cleaner when we had one.

I think he could do more of the housework, and if you have (or have in the future) children most of the stuff to do with them (not just direct care, but dealing with the school, organising their playdates, sports activities snd so on).
When I married I earned about 5% of what my husband did (I worked full time, 40 hours, but his job required 60+ hours and travel). I paid the deposit on our house but he took out the mortgage. He paid for everything. I paid for my clothes snd personal stuff but he paid the bills. It seemed ridiculous to have me pay half considering how different our earnings were. When we had children I eventually gave up work entirely. He then just paid my credit card, snd all major expenses were discussed beforehand.
Basically, when we got married, 'his' money became 'our' money, though I always did feel he had the power, even though he was extremely generous I guess I never quite got used to it.

When do you sleep?

I would have a joint account for all shared bills - household utilities, internet, home insurance, etc - plus a set amount for food (that you can always put extra into if you need).

And then savings and other cash seperate, at least until you're married.

Are you okay with the fact you work four times as many hours and he presumably benefits from the lifestyle afforded by your much higher salary and yet household stuff is shared?

Not a pass-agg question, genuinely interested - to me your lifestyles and approach to things are very, very different, I'm intrigued how that works in practice. One being financially low need, happy to work a small amount, etc, and one working insane hours and earning a lot... I know it's the done thing in many marriages but it always strikes me as a fundamental mismatch!

Also, is he saving for retirement?

Sorry I didn't make it clear - I think bills should be split 50/50, unless you're comfortable doing it proportionally.

You pay your mortgage, the rest of the bills should be split 50/50 unless one of you have some disproportionately large expense like fine wine

You say your DH earns £1000 pcm working 25 hours a week, and that he had to work 40 hours per week to earn this when employed. If that's correct he'd have been earning £5.70 ph which is illegal in this country unless he's under 18?

Either your sums don't add up or he's working for you in an MLM or something.

@glassbrightly

I think your split sounds about right. You put in equally, equally share tasks and equally split bills.

That said it seems quite an unusual pattern. Your DH working relatively few hours, but with little left to spend it on. You working an average of 22 and a half hours a day 7 days a week, but with lots of cash.

Each to his own, but I can see how resentment could build on both sides of this equation.

I have ADHD as well as quite a bit of trauma around money - I was bought up extremely poor and my Dad was extremely abusive when I was growing up, largely about money. As a result, I have quite a few issues about finances. I enjoy setting up and running businesses - I'd consider it a hobby. I like being busy, I like having the challenges. I actually spend very very little money and nor does DP. DP's hobbies are all free, he's very laid back and minimalist, he's never been a career guy or money-orientated. I suggested that we could increase his salary in a couple of month (business is picking up) and he said he wouldn't know what to do with the extra money (though I'll increase the salary anyway).

I don't spend much, just reinvest in new business or existing business.

You working an average of 22 and a half hours a day 7 days a week, It's an average of 15 hours a day if you're dividing it straight, but its probably closer to 13 really.

You earn 5-7 times as much as him so you pay 5-7 times as much of the bills. Dp may only be working 25 hours but walking the dog presumably takes about an hour or more a day.
Alternatively reduce your working hours to something reasonable; by my calculations you have virtually zero time to do any share of the chores (168 hours in the week, 100-110 working, 50ish sleeping, 8-18 hours for eating/showering etc. ).
That seems like a pretty joyless existence for your partner.

@PositiveNegative

When do you sleep?

At night Though I sometimes nap when my charge does