How would you divide our finances?

[GalleryGirl]

Not AIBU so much as WWYD...

I always find the finances threads interesting; a common theme tends to be completely shared finances, so I'm interested to see what people suggest for us

DP and I have been together 3 years, not married.
We've recently bought a house together.

The house is split 50/50 - DP paid his half in full, I have a mortgage for my half.

8 years ago, DP's parents gave him an interest free loan for his previous house, and the house increased in value substantially so a combination of savings (no mortgage interest + being frugal) and house value increase left him with enough capital to buy his half of our house outright, plus leave him with about £70k in savings.

I'm employed and also run 2 businesses, one of which employs DP part time.

DP works approx 25 hours a week (admin work, WFH) - he earns £1,000 a month after tax.

I work 60 hours a week in my job, plus another 40-50 hours for the businesses. I don't need to do the job but I enjoy it, though its very physically demanding. I earn £3000 a month from my job, plus £2 - £4k from the businesses. (after tax). I reinvest most of my money into the businesses, and am setting up a third with my current savings.

We split the household chores evenly - though DP does all the dog walks (2 hours a day).

All house renovations are split 50/50.

So in summary:
DP works 25 hours a week, earns £1k a month, has £70k in savings - does not pay mortgage.
I work 100 hours a week, earn £5-7k a month, have £50k in savings - pays mortgage.

How would you divide our living expenses? (water, electricity, council tax, food, holidays, etc etc)

Please be nice, I know finances can sometimes rub people up the wrong way but if it bothers you, please just scroll on

gallery girl where are you getting 14 per cent on an investment account please?

So you are cash rich and he is time rich, why don't you pay all the bills and he does all the household work? That's fair.

We've always had separate finances, not because of abuse or control, we just prefer it. It's always looked down on here 🙄. Separate finances don't mean splitting the cost if everything, we consider it all family money, just held in 2 places.

We each pay some of the bills, DH pays the mortgage as he earns roughly 4x me, I pay for most of the rest. We each pay for our own cars. Basically jiggle it so after bills and savings you both have roughly they same amount left at your disposal search month. Don't get hung up on percentages. If one is skint we just raid savings or ask the other to transfer some.

Re housework I do almost all of it as I work half the number of hours he does.

@Hallyup5

Never understood people who are committed enough to buy a house together but don't pool their finances.

In our house, everything goes into one big pot and we both benefit from it. Doesn't matter who earns more. All bills are paid from the pot.

I've never understood people who can't see another way of doing things other than how they do it. We share our finances, we just keep them in separate bank accounts. Why do you think your way is better? As I have my own bank account I am arguably in a position where I am less at risk of financial abuse.

@MrPickles73

gallery girl where are you getting 14 per cent on an investment account please?

Vanguard Life Strategy 100% equity fund

I’d expect him to do more housework if working less hours.

Bill wise, mortgage is yours to cover as he has paid his half already and rest of bills 50/50 given you aren’t married and just dating. If he can’t cover that he needs to work more.

Not including the mortgage
I would split the household bills 50/50
If he is at home more, he should do more household chores
Is he paying into a private pension ? & are you ?

One thing taht strikes me. It's possibly not relevant though. While working on an office job it seems your partner was quite a low earner. But he had enough money to pay 50% of the house outright and has 70k of savings.

So I'm wondering about the story behind this? I know yiure saying he's not workshy but it does seem he's thinking he's got enough money so will just sustain himself with 1k a month. But what does that mean for you in the future?

21k pro rata isn't exactly awful though. Presumably if he can't meet his bills and lifestyle choices he'd just get another or different job

@SleepingStandingUp

21k pro rata isn't exactly awful though. Presumably if he can't meet his bills and lifestyle choices he'd just get another or different job

Exactly.

He already owns property and has savings, plus if his parents were able to lend him the money to buy his first property, it could be that he's likely to inherit in future, so he might feel that he has enough to cover his wants and needs, which are modest, even without the OPs high earnings.

He's also walking and taking care of the dog, which is something that the OPs not able to take any part in. If the DP worked half as much as the OP, they'd be facing a significant dog walking and care bill, so unless the dog is his alone, and was obtained without the OPs agreement, that's a significant contribution to their household.

Youre not married and you have no children together. Your partner chooses to work 25 hours a week and you choose to work over a 100 hours a week. There is no reason why you both should not reap the benefits of your individual choices.

All joint expenses, bills and food should be split 50/50. You pay your mortgage. You share housework 50/50 and if you wanted relief from your share of that you could pay a cleaner. In no way you should be subsidising his life choices, and the same for him.

@Okbussitout

One thing taht strikes me. It's possibly not relevant though. While working on an office job it seems your partner was quite a low earner. But he had enough money to pay 50% of the house outright and has 70k of savings.

So I'm wondering about the story behind this? I know yiure saying he's not workshy but it does seem he's thinking he's got enough money so will just sustain himself with 1k a month. But what does that mean for you in the future?

He's not spendy at all, he's always been a saver. When he was working at the office job, he was saving about £300-400 a month. His parents paid for all the siblings (3 of them) houses and they all pay them back each month, like a mortgage but without the interest.

His two brothers are very spendy, especially the eldest, and have borrowed money off him in the past and still not paid it back
He will likely inherit quite significantly, but he is not interested in this and would rather his parents spend it on themselves.
He has a substantial amount in savings, plus owns 50% of a £500k house outright.
Of his £1000 a month, he sprobabky spends £600ish on joint bills and his own expenses.

He's just not interested in money - so long as he can buy what he needs, save some for the future - he's happy.

Pension is a conversation we both need to have - but we're in our late twenties so we've not got around to it yet.

We won't ever have children.

I enjoy being busy, will drop the FT job eventually so I can have more time at home, and give businesses better attention.
I had a terrible upbringing and was very poor in my early twenties - so as a PP says, I'm making hay whilst the sun shines 🌞
Technically I could retire age 38 under current plan, but I doubt I will.

You pay the mortgage and then split the bills 50/50?

@Mylovelyhorsee

You pay the mortgage and then split the bills 50/50?

I pay my mortgage and then we split bills 50/50. I buy most of the weekly shop and pay for treats (cinema, meals out etc - at least I did when we could actually do it).

@GalleryGirl sorry that was what I suggested you should be doing, sorry I didn’t write it very well. I think the fairest option is you pay your mortgage, and split everything else 50/50 he should be contributing 50/50 to weekly shop and treats! Otherwise that’s really unfair. You spending while he saves and saves and saves.

Neither of you are hard done by, he's just got "lucky" with his side of the mortgage. You also can't have two mortgages so his half, which was effectively a massive deposit has also benefited you - due to your lower monthly payments. Bills in this case definitely split 50/50. If it was shoe on the other foot people and you came here asking people would be very quick to call him a cheeky B for suggesting the split. House work I would expect him to do more but that's just due to him working part time hours. That kind of money though I'd be hiring a cleaner.

@ChristmasAlone

Neither of you are hard done by, he's just got "lucky" with his side of the mortgage. You also can't have two mortgages so his half, which was effectively a massive deposit has also benefited you - due to your lower monthly payments. Bills in this case definitely split 50/50. If it was shoe on the other foot people and you came here asking people would be very quick to call him a cheeky B for suggesting the split. House work I would expect him to do more but that's just due to him working part time hours. That kind of money though I'd be hiring a cleaner.

Yes, I'm definitely benefitting from having a large house with them than I would have without him. Funnily enough, interest rates are so low at the moment that the size of the deposit made little difference - I put down £50k for my half, and got £200k as a mortgage. He put down £250k for his half. If I'd have bought a £250k house with the same money (so £50k deposit, £200k mortgage) my repayments would be roughly the same. But of course, I have the advantage of living in a larger house because of his half.

I agree that if the roles were reversed and I was staying at home working PT and he was earning loads working away, I imagine a lot more people would think I had a claim on his income.

You're not married, you don't have children and you don't have shared finances so he should pay 50% of bills and also for his share of the food. Seems like you're buying food but you're not actually there??
If the higher earning partner wanted to go to an expensive restaurant or on a holiday that the other person couldn't afford then it might make sense for them to pay more. Otherwise 50:50 on everything.

I would say proportional payment but including your mortgage in that proportion
I'd also love to see the responses if you were the man

@birdschirping

I would say proportional payment but including your mortgage in that proportion I'd also love to see the responses if you were the man

Why would you include HER mortgage payments in the calculations tho?

@birdschirping

I would say proportional payment but including your mortgage in that proportion I'd also love to see the responses if you were the man

You get why including the mortgage would not be proportional don't you 😂

So deduct mortgage from income for her, then pay bill proportional to that net with his.
If one partner has less income then it would be A norm to proportion the bill payments.
It is what I did with my DH - I don't understand why it would be different in this case when it's suggested in other threads.

I guess the added complication is that he has assets amounting to approx £320k, (£250k in house + £70k savings) whereas my assets are £100k ish (£50k in house, £50k in savings)

50/50 - Why should your hard work subsidise his laid back lifestyle?
He's not offering you a share of his equity in the house, is he?
And why are you paying for his food? he's not your child.
He sounds like a freeloading hippy - nice life if you can get it!