How would you divide our finances?

[GalleryGirl]

Not AIBU so much as WWYD...

I always find the finances threads interesting; a common theme tends to be completely shared finances, so I'm interested to see what people suggest for us

DP and I have been together 3 years, not married.
We've recently bought a house together.

The house is split 50/50 - DP paid his half in full, I have a mortgage for my half.

8 years ago, DP's parents gave him an interest free loan for his previous house, and the house increased in value substantially so a combination of savings (no mortgage interest + being frugal) and house value increase left him with enough capital to buy his half of our house outright, plus leave him with about £70k in savings.

I'm employed and also run 2 businesses, one of which employs DP part time.

DP works approx 25 hours a week (admin work, WFH) - he earns £1,000 a month after tax.

I work 60 hours a week in my job, plus another 40-50 hours for the businesses. I don't need to do the job but I enjoy it, though its very physically demanding. I earn £3000 a month from my job, plus £2 - £4k from the businesses. (after tax). I reinvest most of my money into the businesses, and am setting up a third with my current savings.

We split the household chores evenly - though DP does all the dog walks (2 hours a day).

All house renovations are split 50/50.

So in summary:
DP works 25 hours a week, earns £1k a month, has £70k in savings - does not pay mortgage.
I work 100 hours a week, earn £5-7k a month, have £50k in savings - pays mortgage.

How would you divide our living expenses? (water, electricity, council tax, food, holidays, etc etc)

Please be nice, I know finances can sometimes rub people up the wrong way but if it bothers you, please just scroll on

I think a 50/50 split of chores is reasonable. You are choosing to work an insane amount. If you enjoy work and chose to do another full time job on top of your actual full time job why would that mean your partner should do more of the household stuff?
If the genders were reversed MN would demand the husband still does 50% of the chores even though he chooses to work more.

50/50 on bills sounds reasonable too considering you both view finances separately and are unmarried.

You barely live in the house if you are at your employer's 24/6! You also aren't making any mess at home!

As you are unmarried and have no children I'd do 50:50 split.

Until such a time as you are married then 50/50 because that's what you have always done. Obviously, if you get married then everything changes...

@PositiveNegative

You say your DH earns £1000 pcm working 25 hours a week, and that he had to work 40 hours per week to earn this when employed. If that's correct he'd have been earning £5.70 ph which is illegal in this country unless he's under 18?

Either your sums don't add up or he's working for you in an MLM or something.

After his travel expenses etc were paid, it works out about the same yes. He told me his take home pay was £1,110 per month - typical 8-4 office job, hour lunch break. Travel pass was maybe £100 or so.

50 50 seems fine as it should be easily affordable for him as he has no mortgage or rent. If you were married or he struggled to afford it you should pay more. I think it's fair that you cover food and car as well.

But you don't actually work 100 hours a week - that would be 7 am till 9 pm 7 days a week. If you are on call from home that doesn't count as working hours. If your nanny employment lets you do other paid work whilst you are working for them that's very generous of them but you still can't count the hours twice!

OK so we're double counting some hours. The default should be that you pay in in proportion to your salaries unless there are extenuating circumstances which I don't think there are here.

I think a 50/50 split of chores is reasonable. You are choosing to work an insane amount. If you enjoy work and chose to do another full time job on top of your actual full time job why would that mean your partner should do more of the household stuff?

Yes this is my thoughts really.

You barely live in the house if you are at your employer's 24/6! You also aren't making any mess at home!

Also this

Though I'm pretty messy - but I have my own room (for crafts and the businesses) in the new house, so I contain all my mess in there for the most part.

I don't see any reason why you wouldn't split the bills 50:50.

You mention earning £3-4k pm after tax and mostly reinvest in the businesses - I assume you've looked at how best to take your income for tax efficiency?

Your true working hours are probably more like 35 for the nanny job plus 8 on a Sunday for the other job?

@SnackSizeRaisin

50 50 seems fine as it should be easily affordable for him as he has no mortgage or rent. If you were married or he struggled to afford it you should pay more. I think it's fair that you cover food and car as well.

But you don't actually work 100 hours a week - that would be 7 am till 9 pm 7 days a week. If you are on call from home that doesn't count as working hours. If your nanny employment lets you do other paid work whilst you are working for them that's very generous of them but you still can't count the hours twice!

I'm at work 24/6 - I have a bed in the child's suite. I'm not on call from home. She's awake from 6/7am to 9pm ish every day, she naps for 1-2 hours each day, but I obviously stay with her whilst she does, I just crack out my laptop or sleep too on a bad day I don't know how to count the hours really, especially as it varies so much.

Well the man mantra is joint money and even spends but that's unreasonable under the circs. So 50/50 and you buying the extras seems reasonable. If he wants more money, he can always get a second job.

Op why have you brought a house together if you live / sleep at your charges home 6 days a week? You're paying off a property you sleep in a few nights a week, literally

@SnackSizeRaisin

Your true working hours are probably more like 35 for the nanny job plus 8 on a Sunday for the other job?

It's a lot more than 35 hours a week. I'm with her 24 hours a day, 6 days a week. She's awake for at least 14 hours a day.

@SleepingStandingUp

Op why have you brought a house together if you live / sleep at your charges home 6 days a week? You're paying off a property you sleep in a few nights a week, literally

Long story - but to oversimplify it, I would never had got a mortgage without employment. So I took the job early last year to help with the mortgage and bring in some extra income whilst things were slow during lockdown. I don't know how long I'll stay, but I'm enjoying it a lot more than I expected to - I didn't think I'd manage more than 6 months (most Nanny jobs are awful)

Just keep your own money and pay half the bills each.

Well then scratch that - why are you paying half the bills for a house you're never in?!

Sorry, that totally strayed into nosiness. I can't help but feel very sad for a young child who has a nanny 24/7 ,6 days a week though, and potentially a procession of Nanny's as it's so intense

You calculate the total household costs including whatever you agree to share e.g. mortgage, utilities, food, insurance, petrol etc. E.g. 30k
Then you add your net incomes total e.g. 20k + 40k = 60k and you pay your portion of the bills.
E.g. 20/60*30= 10k for him and you pay 20k.

Never understood people who are committed enough to buy a house together but don't pool their finances.

In our house, everything goes into one big pot and we both benefit from it. Doesn't matter who earns more. All bills are paid from the pot.

I was honestly expecting everyone to pile on and say that it should be a percentage division. So I earn 85% of the household income, so should pay 85% of the bills.
I'm pleasantly surprised to see that people are agreeing with how we've split it.

Out of curiosity what do you get paid for being a 24/6 nanny?

Also, if you've worked 6 days a week full time for over a year of your 3 year relationship, and then 8 hours a day on the 7th day, have you spent enough time together to make this kind of financial commitment
You must spend a handful of hours together one day a week

@Hallyup5

Never understood people who are committed enough to buy a house together but don't pool their finances.

In our house, everything goes into one big pot and we both benefit from it. Doesn't matter who earns more. All bills are paid from the pot.

Last time I did that, my partner ran off with £12,000 of my money

@Hallyup5

Never understood people who are committed enough to buy a house together but don't pool their finances.

In our house, everything goes into one big pot and we both benefit from it. Doesn't matter who earns more. All bills are paid from the pot.

I'm committed enough to get married and have 3 kids and we still don't pool finances.

And if you've grown up with a financially irresponsible parent, it's much harder to give that much power to someone else