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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you divide our finances?

122 replies

GalleryGirl · 11/03/2021 21:23

Not AIBU so much as WWYD...

I always find the finances threads interesting; a common theme tends to be completely shared finances, so I'm interested to see what people suggest for us Smile

DP and I have been together 3 years, not married.
We've recently bought a house together.

The house is split 50/50 - DP paid his half in full, I have a mortgage for my half.

8 years ago, DP's parents gave him an interest free loan for his previous house, and the house increased in value substantially so a combination of savings (no mortgage interest + being frugal) and house value increase left him with enough capital to buy his half of our house outright, plus leave him with about £70k in savings.

I'm employed and also run 2 businesses, one of which employs DP part time.

DP works approx 25 hours a week (admin work, WFH) - he earns £1,000 a month after tax.

I work 60 hours a week in my job, plus another 40-50 hours for the businesses. I don't need to do the job but I enjoy it, though its very physically demanding. I earn £3000 a month from my job, plus £2 - £4k from the businesses. (after tax). I reinvest most of my money into the businesses, and am setting up a third with my current savings.

We split the household chores evenly - though DP does all the dog walks (2 hours a day).

All house renovations are split 50/50.

So in summary:
DP works 25 hours a week, earns £1k a month, has £70k in savings - does not pay mortgage.
I work 100 hours a week, earn £5-7k a month, have £50k in savings - pays mortgage.

How would you divide our living expenses? (water, electricity, council tax, food, holidays, etc etc)

Please be nice, I know finances can sometimes rub people up the wrong way but if it bothers you, please just scroll on

OP posts:
Original poster
GalleryGirl · 11/03/2021 22:23

@MrPickles73

Out of curiosity what do you get paid for being a 24/6 nanny?
£3200 net per month plus expenses. It's actually a bit more than that, and the hours are more complicated but I've amended it for simplicity on the thread.
OP posts:
MrPickles73 · 11/03/2021 22:23

If you have savings why don't you use that to reduce your mortgage?

SleepingStandingUp · 11/03/2021 22:23

@GalleryGirl

I was honestly expecting everyone to pile on and say that it should be a percentage division. So I earn 85% of the household income, so should pay 85% of the bills. I'm pleasantly surprised to see that people are agreeing with how we've split it.
I think as he's not paying mortgage, so he's left with only paying a few hundred a month to have the house to himself for most of the time and you covering the extra stuff, it feels more reasonable that it ordinarily would
Original poster
GalleryGirl · 11/03/2021 22:25

@SleepingStandingUp

Also, if you've worked 6 days a week full time for over a year of your 3 year relationship, and then 8 hours a day on the 7th day, have you spent enough time together to make this kind of financial commitment You must spend a handful of hours together one day a week
I haven't, I took the job last year. We had almost a year straight of us both working from home and before that I worked away a lot but we still saw each other plenty.
OP posts:
Sally872 · 11/03/2021 22:27

50/50 your partner chooses to work 25 hours per wk.

Original poster
GalleryGirl · 11/03/2021 22:29

@MrPickles73

If you have savings why don't you use that to reduce your mortgage?
My mortgage interest rate is 3.2% APR and the interest I make on my savings in an investment account currently stands at 14.2% (on average). Invested in the business they make significantly more than that. It doesn't make sense to pay off a cheap mortgage when I can make the money work better for me placed elsewhere.
OP posts:
Mmn654123 · 11/03/2021 22:48

If you are paying a mortgage I wouldn’t expect an 85/15 split on bills.

If you take all the bills plus the mortgage, and he pays 50% of bills while you pay 50% bills plus mortgage, what’s the ratio between those?

If it’s £500 bills each but you have a £2k mortgage then it’s about 85:15 which seems fair.

If bills are £750 each but you have a £250 mortgage then it’s about 45:55 which seems a bit harsh.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/03/2021 22:55

@Mmn654123

If you are paying a mortgage I wouldn’t expect an 85/15 split on bills.

If you take all the bills plus the mortgage, and he pays 50% of bills while you pay 50% bills plus mortgage, what’s the ratio between those?

If it’s £500 bills each but you have a £2k mortgage then it’s about 85:15 which seems fair.

If bills are £750 each but you have a £250 mortgage then it’s about 45:55 which seems a bit harsh.

But he's not paying a mortgage because he put hard cash in. It isn't like he's not paying the mortgage cos he's on a low income
Mmn654123 · 11/03/2021 23:29

@SleepingStandingUp
I don’t see the relevance. It’s about each having a reasonable proportion of their take home as personal disposable income. So the size of mortgage compared to bills is relevant in deciding what’s reasonable.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 11/03/2021 23:37
  1. when does your poor charge actually see her parents if you are with her 14 hours a day 6 days a week
  2. when do you and your Dp have leisure time together? Surely if you love him and are in a relationship it's because you enjoy each others company but you live apart 6 days a week and you work constantly.
HollowTalk · 11/03/2021 23:46

Paying an equal percentage only really works if you are both working equally hard. That isn't the case here and if I were you I would seriously look at over paying your mortgage rather than paying for his dinner on a night out.

dane8 · 11/03/2021 23:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MixedUpFiles · 12/03/2021 00:04

Since he doesn’t work full-time, I’d say that all bills should be shared and that includes food and shared luxuries.

Porridgeoat · 12/03/2021 00:07

Pay 50/50 on the bills as you’ve no children and your not married.

Pay for a cleaner to balance out the fact he does all the dog walking

coronabeer · 12/03/2021 00:11

Am I the only one who didn't realise nannies were so well paid! £3200 net is equivalent to a £50k salary, pretty good. Might think of changing my job!

And 14.2% on your savings - how do you manage that?! I get 1.1% on my best account and that only allows 2 withdrawals per year.

violetbunny · 12/03/2021 00:13

I too think it should be 50/50. But if you're working that many hours and DP is only working 25per week then perhaps you could pay slightly more and he could do more of the housework? That seems like an arrangement which could benefit you both, especially as you struggle to find a decent cleaner.

lalafafa · 12/03/2021 00:22

£800 a week for all those hours!

NoMackerelInSwindon · 12/03/2021 00:39

It looks like the domestic living costs have been put to rest.

On your working hours and financial rewards OP, I can only guess you either have anxiety about being poor and are amassing savings while you can or your new businesses will have value and can be sold as a going concern. If neither of those apply, working over 4,000 hours each year for about £17 per hour is a poor lifestyle choice.

ZombiePara · 12/03/2021 03:14

Got to be honest OP, I completely agree with the split that you and your DP currently have; it works for you and makes sense... although I do think he should do more of the housework based on time in the house!

Out of interest, what are your businesses in? I'm looking to start something I can do from home for my own MH sake and to reduce work hours (contributing to poor MH)

DillyDilly · 12/03/2021 03:57

@coronabeer Am I the only one who didn't realise nannies were so well paid! £3200 net is equivalent to a £50k salary, pretty good. Might think of changing my job!

I wouldn’t think the OP is being well paid at all if she’s in a live-in position working six days a week 24/7. She’s still on call during the night if she’s charge of the monitor.

Sleepingdogs12 · 12/03/2021 04:41

I don't get the issue.
You love your work and happy working all the hours under the sun.
He wants to work less but has enough to live on and pay 50/50.
Neither of you are big spenders , you can afford the few luxuries you enjoy and I assume would like to include your partner in your life . I think you need counselling about why the non issues about money are impacting you. Presuming you love your partner and want to be with him .

BarbaraofSeville · 12/03/2021 05:20

@GalleryGirl

But why wasn't this all discussed before you bought a property together?

It was Smile - I'm not unhappy with our arrangement, just curious on opinions. At the moment we split all bills 50/50, I pay for all food and any luxuries (eating out mainly) plus the car (he doesn't drive). I paid for the cleaner when we had one.

What you're doing seems absolutely fine and the percentage split method doesn't work when there's a disparity in earnings anyway. People who suggest that often don't think through how it works out in practice.

Plus it sounds like you have some catching up to do asset wise and if you decide you don't want to work all hours for the rest of your life you're in a good position to be building up assets in a paid for house, business and possibly savings on top. Make hay while the sun shines.

So if you decide you want to take a step back later, eg become a FIRE advocate, if you aren't already one, you're well on the way to doing it.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 12/03/2021 05:37

@Hallyup5 because there are abusive arseholes out there. My husband and father of my daughter turned out to be a gambling addict and racked up £250k debt then left the country leaving me homeless and penniless.

Would I ever pool finances with another person again nor encourage my daughter to...nope!!

Sunflowergirl1 · 12/03/2021 05:47

Just carry on as you are...sounds fine

Greenbks · 12/03/2021 05:48

Are you both happy with the split? If yes, I don’t see a problem with it. Carry on as you are

If one of you does have an issue discuss it between yourselves and decided on where either of you many contribute more.

From what you’ve said it looks fair to me.