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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be disappointed in friends

96 replies

zebraprint1 · 11/03/2021 16:06

I lost my job last year due to Covid. I did take on a temporary job and that ended.

I finally got an interview this week. I told my friends about it and how I was nervous as it was my first over Zoom. They said they were happy for me and they hope it goes well, good luck.

Anyway, I had the interview on Monday, and apart from one, none of my friends have reached out in any way to ask how it went, yet I see they are active on Social Media so don't really have an excuse as to why not. I don't want to reach out to them as I feel they should be the ones asking.

I know I wouldn't forget if it was one of them who had an interview and would have messaged to ask how it went, even just from a polite pov.

AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:

luxxlisbon · 11/03/2021 16:10

To be honest I probably wouldn't go out of my way to ask a friend how something like a job interview went. If they didn't bring it up I would assume they didn't want to talk about it.

Why do think it is more their place to start a conversation with you than yours?

FullofCurryandparatha · 11/03/2021 16:11

yabu. And very needy, just tell them if you want to talk about it.

M4J4 · 11/03/2021 16:12

YANBU, that's shit. I wouldn't tell them anymore unless they ask. Are you expected to be the one to contact them?

Fingers cross for you OP

SmidgenofaPigeon · 11/03/2021 16:13

They do have an excuse as to why not. They’re just going on with their own lives. Doesn’t mean they don’t think of you. It’s difficult at the moment because there’s a lot of things I’d rather ask my friends when I see them. I am totally over messenger, Whattsap and zoom, I just can’t be arsed anymore.

M4J4 · 11/03/2021 16:13

If a friend told me about a job interview, I would definitely wish her luck and ask how it went. That's what friends do.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 11/03/2021 16:15

I'm so excited for my friends and interviews and always make sure to ask, but I don't think them but asking doesn't mean they don't care. Things just slip people's minds, that's me and birthdays! I absolutely care about my friends' bdays, her card present sorted, but if it's on a weekday guarantee on that day I completely forget

FoggyDay58 · 11/03/2021 16:18

When someone I know has an interview, I try to wait for them to bring it up in case it didn't go well and or they've heard already they didn't get it and so don't want to talk about it. Also, the way we're living right now (without physically seeing people) makes it harder to remember stuff about other people's lives - like how reading a book on a Kindle doesn't seem to go into your memory as deeply as reading a physical book.

gottakeeponmovin · 11/03/2021 16:20

I don't know - I would try to remember but tbh I have so much going on at the moment I may very well forget. I think you have to just accept that it's not at the forefront of everyone's minds - I'm sure if they had remembered they would ask

therocinante · 11/03/2021 16:21

I think it'd be nice if they asked, but it's not something I automatically remember, sorry. And I've never had someone (other than my mum, bless her, or my DH) ask how an interview went after it happened.

strawbmilk · 11/03/2021 16:23

Closest friends a good luck text and a follow up text after the interview & offer to debrief over phone if they need to.

That would be standard within my closest friendship group

Youllbeoldertoo · 11/03/2021 16:24

Because they have their own lives?

Moondust001 · 11/03/2021 16:26

I think I would have to concur with

(a) people forget - what is important for you doesn't always carry the same import for them. And if they are anything like me, probably can't recall what day of the week it is sometimes.

(b) may be nervous about asking as you may be upset if you know you didn't get it - you have already told them that you are nervous, they know it's been a tough year, and maybe they are worried about bringing it up.

Why don't you tell them how it went?

LadyHedgehog · 11/03/2021 16:27

I don't know. I would definitely wish a friend luck, but I wouldn't ask them how it went, in case it went badly and they don't want to talk about it. In your position, I would rather friends didn't mention it to me for the same reason.

BMHM · 11/03/2021 16:27

Tbh, I would think of my friend during the day of the interview but it might slip my mind to message, and wouldn't mean I don't care.

bookworm34 · 11/03/2021 16:28

YABU, if you want to tell them then tell them. Bit of a childish attitude to have.

Shoxfordian · 11/03/2021 16:29

I may or may not remember to ask tbh
It’s not because I don’t care about my friend, just that other stuff comes up and I may forget

Crappyfridays7 · 11/03/2021 16:30

Close friends?..yeah I’d expect a good luck and a message to see how you got on. Otherwise probably not.

I don’t think it’s ‘needy’ to want to be thought of by friends who you think a lot of and are close to. Perhaps you are feeling a bit more sensitive than usual but you’d think friends would understand that.
I’m sure you did fab and it’ll get easier I’m sure.

2bazookas · 11/03/2021 16:32

If you don't tell them you got it they assume you didn't and don't want to upset you by asking. They are being considerate and tactful.

katy1213 · 11/03/2021 16:33

I'd ask how it went next time I saw you. I've never come across friends as needy as the ones you read about on Mumsnet!
And 'reaching out' ... for heaven's sake! You're not drowning!

MuddleMoo · 11/03/2021 16:34

It could be the first of many interviews, especially at the moment when there are more jobseekers. They probably don't want to ask for each one.

WombatWomb · 11/03/2021 16:35

@2bazookas

If you don't tell them you got it they assume you didn't and don't want to upset you by asking. They are being considerate and tactful.

I agree, they might not want to mention it unless you do.

Oblomov21 · 11/03/2021 16:37

You sound very needy. I wouldn't ask. They wished you luck. They'll probably congratulate you if you get it and announce as such.

Notaroadrunner · 11/03/2021 16:38

I would expect a friend to update if they got the job. Otherwise I wouldn't be texting to see how an interview went. We all have stuff going on and a friends interview wouldn't be forefront on my mind. Of course I'd be congratulatory if they texted the group to say they'd got the job.

cerseii · 11/03/2021 16:40

I would definitely ask and think I’d be hurt if a friend didn’t mention it. I wouldn’t expect them to message immediately, but just ask how it went the next time we spoke

LalalalalalaLand123 · 11/03/2021 16:43

YABVU. People can't be expected to remember things like this.

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