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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be disappointed in friends

96 replies

zebraprint1 · 11/03/2021 16:06

I lost my job last year due to Covid. I did take on a temporary job and that ended.

I finally got an interview this week. I told my friends about it and how I was nervous as it was my first over Zoom. They said they were happy for me and they hope it goes well, good luck.

Anyway, I had the interview on Monday, and apart from one, none of my friends have reached out in any way to ask how it went, yet I see they are active on Social Media so don't really have an excuse as to why not. I don't want to reach out to them as I feel they should be the ones asking.

I know I wouldn't forget if it was one of them who had an interview and would have messaged to ask how it went, even just from a polite pov.

AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:

Fairyliz · 11/03/2021 17:32

When DD was looking for a graduate job she had to make 84 applications and had 13 interviews before she was successful.
We learnt not to ask how things were going as she got so stressed. She said she would tell us if she had good news.
It didn’t help that most employers don’t tell you if you haven’t got an interview and mostly don’t tell you if you are unsuccessful following interviews.

NeverMetANiceOne · 11/03/2021 17:33

I think you are being a bit silly.

Your friends will no doubt have lives of their own to live, and perhaps your interview has slipped their mind.

Be an adult, if you want to talk to a friend about your interview then talk to them about it.

MatildaTheCat · 11/03/2021 17:35

How did it go?

I would have asked but mostly my friends would probably forget or ask the next time we were in touch. Did they leave it with, “let me know how it goes?” because they may be waiting to hear from you.

Anyway don’t sweat it. Just let them know if you have good news.

Whatapalavaa · 11/03/2021 19:21

Kindly, you sound a bit over sensitive. They will be wrapped up in their own lives. I'm sure they won't have not asked purposely. I have felt hurt by this sort of thing in the past but knew I was being unreasonable because I tend to remember things that matter to people but can't always expect the same in return.

Sprig1 · 11/03/2021 19:23

How did it go? If l was your friend I would definitely have asked.

Skysblue · 11/03/2021 19:26

Yabu. If my friend had an interview- or any other situation which could have gone v wrong - I wouldn’t bring it up unless they did first, in case they didn’t want to talk about it.

If you want to talk about it, bring it up!!

DisgruntledPelican · 11/03/2021 19:27

YABU. In the gentlest way, I would not ask after an interview. If it was good news then I’d perhaps expect an update. If not, unless you’re very stoic about it or it was a random speculative or headhunted interview(doesn’t sound like the kind of circumstances that would lead to that for you, though) I’d never bring it up. I’d assume you’d lead the discussion if you wanted me to know anything further.

I’m sorry you feel let down by your friends.

Dozer · 11/03/2021 19:29

YABU for reasons PP have stated!

DuzzyFuck · 11/03/2021 19:31

If I remembered I'd ask, but I probably wouldn't because I've got my own life going on, It doesn't mean I don't love and value my friends and remember other important moments.

Personally I hate being asked about interviews anyway, I rarely want to relive it and I'm never sure how's it's gone.

YAB (a bit) U OP, but I hope it went well anyway.

CorianderBee · 11/03/2021 21:31

People are living their own lives. I'd probably only remember if my sister had a job interview. My friends would just message in the GC to tell us how it went.

Dishwashersaurous · 11/03/2021 21:35

if knew that someone had an interview i would say good luck. But I wouldn't ask how it went. I would wait for them to tell me that they had the job. Or if not then not mention

Cushionsnotpillows · 11/03/2021 21:36

When someone I know has an interview, I try to wait for them to bring it up in case it didn't go well and or they've heard already they didn't get it and so don't want to talk about it

^ this. It's up to you to pass on the news, good or bad, and then they can respond appropriately.

Okbussitout · 11/03/2021 21:40

Jesus there are some miserable buggers on here. Yes I'd expect a friend to text especially as things have been hard for you.

Yokey · 11/03/2021 21:45

Kind of thing I'd forget to ask about to be honest, until I spoke to them or something reminded me. Just a personality thing and in no way means I don't care. I just forget these things being busy with who and what is in front of me. Perhaps you focus more on the lives of others than your friends do. This wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Ragwort · 11/03/2021 21:55

I agree that I would wish a friend good luck before, but then wait for them to update me ... a good friend did have a final interview for a job she was really excited about earlier this week, I haven't asked her how it went because there's nothing I can really add to the situation and I don't want to put any more pressure on her, it's the sort of job you would be told more or less immediately if you were successful... and she hasn't said anything yet .

B33Fr33 · 11/03/2021 22:00

If you want to talk to your friends then start a conversation. You are treating your friendship as very conditional, perhaps that's because you're not close. If you want to be closer you need to work on discussing things important to you and also them. Do you know that things are OK? They might be on social media but that doesn't mean they're having a great day.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 11/03/2021 22:03

Oh my god I would never ask! What if they answer is sobs and "no, I didnt fucking get the job ok"

sarahC40 · 11/03/2021 22:03

@Moondust001

I think I would have to concur with

(a) people forget - what is important for you doesn't always carry the same import for them. And if they are anything like me, probably can't recall what day of the week it is sometimes.

(b) may be nervous about asking as you may be upset if you know you didn't get it - you have already told them that you are nervous, they know it's been a tough year, and maybe they are worried about bringing it up.

Why don't you tell them how it went?

This. I’m sorry you’re struggling with the emotion op. Hope you’re ok and that you got/get the job. It’s been a tough year.

MonochromeMinnie · 11/03/2021 22:05

People are pretty preoccupied at the moment. I keep forgetting birthdays, anniversaries etc. Also, are you one of The Temptations? If not, what's with all the "reach out"?

YouokHun · 11/03/2021 22:34

For you @MonochromeMinnie

nocoolnamesleft · 11/03/2021 23:10

I had a phase in my life where I had many job interviews. Unsuccessfully. It would have ground salt in my wounds for my friends to have been asking how they went. So I wouldn't raise it with a friend.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 11/03/2021 23:53

I’d say it depends on why they ‘forgot’. If you told them you have an important job interview and it went in one ear and out the other, then that’s a bit shit. If they know you have the interview one day this week, but can’t remember if it’s Thursday or Friday, I’d say that’s pretty natural at the moment, and doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care. Let’s say one of them texts you tomorrow saying, ‘Hi, how are you? Isn’t it your interview today?’ - would you be pleased they’d asked (albeit a day late), or would you be annoyed they’d got the date wrong?

thepeopleversuswork · 11/03/2021 23:59

Some people are better at this sort of thing than others. It would have been nice for someone to ask without being prompted but I don't think you can hold it against people.

People are busy and have multiple other preoccupations. Some of them may not have wanted to ask in case it hadn't gone well.

Life is too short to sit passively back and feel offended about things like this. If you want to talk to them about it, bring it up. If they don't automatically know what's at the top of your mind, you may need to prompt them. They no doubt have their concerns and preoccupations. Take control of the situation and talk about it, or accept that they are busy. You can't expect everyone to read your mind.

ktp100 · 12/03/2021 00:04

They have their own lives to lead and could be busy. Also, they might not want to ask in case you fucked up. It's only an interview, hardly something everyone needs to chase you about!

There's nothing worse than needy friends who hold everyone to ridiculous levels of expectation.

whatwherewhywhenhow · 12/03/2021 00:40

I would have put a reminder in my phone to check how it went on the day because I know I wouldn’t remember. Sometimes I don’t remember to give myself the reminder. I also have a lot going on that most people don’t know about so if I had forgotten and you were shitty I’d think you were pretty precious, to be honest. Just tell them if you have good news but don’t expect their world’s to revolve around yours.

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