Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be disappointed in friends

96 replies

zebraprint1 · 11/03/2021 16:06

I lost my job last year due to Covid. I did take on a temporary job and that ended.

I finally got an interview this week. I told my friends about it and how I was nervous as it was my first over Zoom. They said they were happy for me and they hope it goes well, good luck.

Anyway, I had the interview on Monday, and apart from one, none of my friends have reached out in any way to ask how it went, yet I see they are active on Social Media so don't really have an excuse as to why not. I don't want to reach out to them as I feel they should be the ones asking.

I know I wouldn't forget if it was one of them who had an interview and would have messaged to ask how it went, even just from a polite pov.

AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
LowlandLucky · 11/03/2021 16:44

They are not friends

PintPot · 11/03/2021 16:45

I'd wish a friend luck, but wouldn't mention it again until they brought it up, in case it didn't go well. DSS is currently doing quite a few grad type Zoom interviews and it's been made abundantly clear to me and DH that if there's good news to pass on, we'll be the first to know.

BobRossPaints · 11/03/2021 16:46

YANBU. I'd be hurt by that.

LaceyBetty · 11/03/2021 16:47

I wouldn't expect my friends to remember the date of my interview. I also wouldn't have any qualms about giving them an unsolicited update and they would be happy to receive it.

BriefCrow · 11/03/2021 16:47

I do follow up with close friends but otherwise I'm afraid it isn't something which would be on my mind, unless the friend in question was very unhappy at work or something ?

cerseii · 11/03/2021 16:49

Maybe it depends on your age, I’m 20s and it’s normal for me to be in touch with my friends virtually every day. If you only message your friends monthly etc then yeah I can imagine you would forget

ErickBroch · 11/03/2021 16:49

YABVU. Likely they haven't asked in case you didn't get it and don't want to have to say!

Wearywithteens · 11/03/2021 16:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

womaninatightspot · 11/03/2021 16:51

I wouldn't ask in case the interview went badly, also most jobs you don't find out straight away you have to wait for the email.

1WayOrAnother2 · 11/03/2021 16:52

If you don't introduce the subject (it was YOUR interview) - they will probably assume you don't want to talk about it.

YABU to use 'reach out' here.

babbaloushka · 11/03/2021 16:53

They already said well done? You sound a bit needy OP, they probably don't want to bring it up unless you do, in case it went badly. Are you as invested in their lives as you expect them to be in yours?

StellaDendrite · 11/03/2021 16:53

I don't want to reach out to them as I feel they should be the ones asking

Oh dear. You are making life difficult for yourself if you think like this.

ddl1 · 11/03/2021 16:57

To be honest, I think it's for you to contact them. Many people would feel that asking someone about an interview is putting pressure on them, and might make them feel uncomfortable.

Doingitaloneandproud · 11/03/2021 16:57

I would wish a friend luck if I knew they had an interview and drop them a message to see how they felt it went. I'm still getting on with my life which is busy, but my friends are important to me. Being unemployed right now must be a worry and difficult times, I'd want my friend to feel I'm there.

EggyPegg · 11/03/2021 17:01

Are you the same poster who posted about friends not reaching out after you told them that you were pregnant? It reads in exactly the same way and the title is near identical.

Notquitesureaboutthis · 11/03/2021 17:03

I'm not sure I agree with people saying that perhaps your friends aren't asking in case in went badly because as a friend we're there to console the bad times and not just to congratulate the good!

From a personal perspective yes I would definitely have asked you. That's just my nature. And I have another friend who would be the same. But equally I have friends who would forget and that's just them. Best not to take it personal OP.

How did it go btw?

RampantIvy · 11/03/2021 17:03

I don't think they are being hurtful. They probably just forgot.

Babygotblueyes · 11/03/2021 17:04

I think it is crummy but think people have become pretty self focussed at the moment. Hope it went well.

Cuppaza · 11/03/2021 17:09

All a bit childish

letsgoandtango · 11/03/2021 17:12

Good luck texts are nice and all but (speaking as someone who is currently going through job hunting and lots of interviews) I dread people asking afterwards as then I have to say "oh no I didn't get that one either", making it doubly shit

saraclara · 11/03/2021 17:16

When someone I know has an interview, I try to wait for them to bring it up in case it didn't go well and or they've heard already they didn't get it and so don't want to talk about

That. Especially when it's someone who's lost their job, as opposed to someone interviewing because they fancy a change. With so much riding on it, I'd wait. The last thing I'd want if I didn't get the job, would be a conveyor belt of friends asking how it went.

saraclara · 11/03/2021 17:19

@StellaDendrite

I don't want to reach out to them as I feel they should be the ones asking

Oh dear. You are making life difficult for yourself if you think like this.

Agreed. Someone was moaning to me the other day that their family member hadn't caked them for a while. I said "well have you called her?" When the answer was no, I said "well she's probably telling her friends that you haven't called her for a while. One of you needs to take the initiative and it might as well be you"
saraclara · 11/03/2021 17:20

Caked? Called, ffs.

EggyPegg · 11/03/2021 17:28

Agreed. Someone was moaning to me the other day that their family member hadn't caked them for a while. I said "well have you called her?" When the answer was no, I said "well she's probably telling her friends that you haven't called her for a while. One of you needs to take the initiative and it might as well be you"

I agree with this so much. I have a close family member that NEVER sends me a message or phones me. Then I get another family member saying to me in conversation that the first one is upset that they haven't heard from me in a while. I asked if their phone only receives incoming calls.
I do keep in touch with them, but it's literally me every single time that makes the first move, otherwise it's PA snark.

Stovetopespresso · 11/03/2021 17:29

hope it went well op! we can spend a lot of time wishing people were different, behaved differently etc. it ain't gonna make it happen. I'd try not to infer anything massive from it, give them a couple of days and ring for a chat/arrange a bench picnic or whatever.
don't let this take root in you and be your own friend, look after yourself, also maybe ring another friend or relative who might be feeling lonely?
its good to use our own hurt positively i think.