Child in DD’s class.

[Roob23]

Dd is nearly 6 and in year 1. There is a boy in her class with additional needs. Now before anyone jumps down my throat about writing this. My eldest child is autistic and has 1:1 at school so as a parent I full understand how hard this is. I’m not judging or blaming the boy or his parents maybe more the school for not supervising him.

Dd is a sensitive girl with some issues. She is speech delayed and young for her age she but despite this she generally loves school. But every day she comes home saying the said boy is hitting her, pinching her, kicking, snatching things off her etc. She gets very upset about this. She says she tells the teacher but they don’t seem to do anything about it.

As a parent of a child with additional needs I understand that this isn’t the boys fault BUT I feel like there should be more supervision.

I’ve always had concerns of the lack of staff in DD’s class. There’s at least 4 or 5 of them needing more support and supervision but often only one TA with the teacher. At lunch times they don’t seem to be fully supervised at all.

Aibu to bring this up with the school? I feel like a complete asshole as my own DS would be a bit of a handful in year 1 too (but never hit or kicked anyone as far as I’m aware). Dd is telling the teacher so maybe I should just leave it? But then the school don’t see the upset when she gets home about it.

Wwyd?

I felt like this and in part it was because I was scared of being labelled as someone who didn't understand how hard it was having a child with additional needs. I bit the bullet because over a period of 6 weeks my DD came home because she was kicked in the stomach, pinched, punched. When a friend stepped in he tried to strangle her. Asked her and her friend to have sex. It was everyday. I tried talking to his mum and she told me my DD needed to be more understanding. When DD asked if daddy could stay at school because she was scared id had enough. I can't imagine how hard it is for parents and children living with additional needs but asking for help in this instant wasn't wrong because all the children need to feel safe and i realised later that the school had no idea. If they don't know they can't help either child.

@Morph2lcfc my sons school was excellent , I didn't send him to the catchment one but sought out me that was inclusive .. he was always well loved and cared for and we were sad to leave . He is now at a sn which is equally as lovely!

@eeyore228 I agree it's really important to talk to the school. The parents can't usually do anything about it anyway. It is the school's responsibility to keep all the children safe and they can only do that if parents tell them what's happening. No-one could fairly label you, so long as you focus on what's being done to protect your own child.

You are right to raise it with DD's class teacher. When DD says, yes she's told “the teacher”, she might not mean her class teacher - unless you asked her if she's told Mr/Mrs/Miss X, she might mean she's told the nearest adult on duty, possibly not the same person each time, so her class teacher may not be aware this is happening or how often.

I'd also copy in the Senco, as they will need to be aware of the situation with regard to both children, but as PP have said focus on the effect on your DD not the other child. If similar situations occur regularly with DD with different children, this needs writing into her EHCP at the next review as a need, with the provision being put in place to support her identified.

The other child is not your concern your dd is. Why should she get used to keeping quiet or not creating a fuss as a result of another child's behaviour? Absolutely raise this with the class teacher and the headteacher. Ask how they intend to prevent this from happening. Keep on at them till this stops.

@eeyore228

I felt like this and in part it was because I was scared of being labelled as someone who didn't understand how hard it was having a child with additional needs. I bit the bullet because over a period of 6 weeks my DD came home because she was kicked in the stomach, pinched, punched. When a friend stepped in he tried to strangle her. Asked her and her friend to have sex. It was everyday. I tried talking to his mum and she told me my DD needed to be more understanding. When DD asked if daddy could stay at school because she was scared id had enough. I can't imagine how hard it is for parents and children living with additional needs but asking for help in this instant wasn't wrong because all the children need to feel safe and i realised later that the school had no idea. If they don't know they can't help either child.

That’s awful. You were 100 percent right in speaking to the school. I would be mortified if either of my dc were acting like this. Hope it’s been sorted for your Dd and her friends.

If your child is being physically hurt at school then it is a safeguarding issue.
The school have a duty of care to your child, they must keep her safe.
They may need to apply for more funding for 1:1 support staff. They may need to employ more lunchtime staff.
That is not your problem. You need to ensure that they are looking after her and keeping her safe. She is little and vulnerable. You are her voice. She is hurt and upset, you should never feel guilty for protecting her.

Raise it.

My ds is also autistic and if he needs more support the school need to be sorting application for EHCP, HN funding etc to support.

I know my ds couldn't help his behaviour (mostly! Even autistic kids can be naughty!) but I didn't see why others should have their education disrupted as well as him not being supported. My ds also wasn't generally violent and didn't hurt like pinching etc daily - but full meltdown he could hurt people.

Your dd and this lady both have a right to an education and currently neither is getting that is an acceptable environment.

The school has a duty of care to your child. They may need to be reminded.

I wouldnt feel bad about speaking to the school. You can be sensitive to the other kids needs, while still being assertive about your childs needs. They are clearly failing both children right now, and I strongly suspect the parent of the other kid doesnt want this either, but theres not much they can do about it while the kid is at school if the staff arent supervising enough.
One of my kids would lash out sometimes, and its all very well the teachers telling the parent that its happened, but the school need a strategy

YANBU to speak to the school. The evidence may even help the school to access further funding, to support one or both kids. Pretty much all school funding is dependent on being able to prove a "need".

Have you had any response from the school @Roob23?