Child in DD’s class.

[Roob23]

Dd is nearly 6 and in year 1. There is a boy in her class with additional needs. Now before anyone jumps down my throat about writing this. My eldest child is autistic and has 1:1 at school so as a parent I full understand how hard this is. I’m not judging or blaming the boy or his parents maybe more the school for not supervising him.

Dd is a sensitive girl with some issues. She is speech delayed and young for her age she but despite this she generally loves school. But every day she comes home saying the said boy is hitting her, pinching her, kicking, snatching things off her etc. She gets very upset about this. She says she tells the teacher but they don’t seem to do anything about it.

As a parent of a child with additional needs I understand that this isn’t the boys fault BUT I feel like there should be more supervision.

I’ve always had concerns of the lack of staff in DD’s class. There’s at least 4 or 5 of them needing more support and supervision but often only one TA with the teacher. At lunch times they don’t seem to be fully supervised at all.

Aibu to bring this up with the school? I feel like a complete asshole as my own DS would be a bit of a handful in year 1 too (but never hit or kicked anyone as far as I’m aware). Dd is telling the teacher so maybe I should just leave it? But then the school don’t see the upset when she gets home about it.

Wwyd?

DD of course, not dad

I think it doesn't matter if the child has special needs or not. Your dd is suffering, so you should raise it with school so they can do something about it.

@EllieRosesMammy

I'd definitely bring it up. Just because he has additional needs doesnt mean your daughter should suffer. The teachers should be doing something about it!

That.

The boy is hurting your daughter and physical violence cannot be tolerated. I'm sure he can learn NOT to do it.

@ineedaholidaynow

Unfortunately that isn’t good enough. Why should a mother just accept their child be hurt by another due to a staffing issue?

Raise it, OP, they are failing to safeguard your daughter and you need to be the one who stands up for her and ensures her wellbeing and safety

Alongside a lack of funding there are also....
woolly unspecified EHCPs,
1:1s who lack training,
dedicated 1:1s who end up with small groups despite being dedicated to one child,
LEAs who don't support parents in getting the best support in place for their child (and work out the word salad that some EHCPs become),
parents who struggle to get the right support and don't have the help they need to fight for the right support...

Ultimately there are schools and individuals who do this stuff well and schools and individuals who don't. Alongside this there is a lack of funding and a cultural and systemic failure around supporting additional needs within education.

Sorry, op....that was a bit of a rant, and doesn't help you much! I hope school find a way to support your dd, and the little boy.

You must raise it with the teacher and take it further if it’s not adequately dealt with.

Your child is entitled to enjoy a safe learning environment.

Also, if you don’t firmly deal with this now, you are re-inforcing the age old stereotype that girls have to be nice and put their own feelings below others, which as a society we must change!

You are acknowledging that the child needs additional support so not blaming him and have son with ASD so your view is very balanced. But this should not mean that your daughter has to endure physical assault. This other child is not your responsibility. It is schools duty to protect your daughter by providing support for this child. I would be complaining it isn't acceptable. It is up to school to access the funding.

you need to speak up about it. Kids with additional needs do also need to be safe around other kids or supervised heavily if they arent. Your child needs to feel safe and the other kid needs an LSA

Would you want to know if your son was doing this to another child? Probably. Then ask them politely.

Thanks all. I’m currently writing an email draft for teacher to send. I’m rubbish with words so don’t want to rush write one. Hoping she’ll get back to me soon.

I don’t think she’s the only child that he’s been physical with. Dd said he’s like it with a few other kids too.

Dd told me this morning that another child pushed her over yesterday (could be a complete accident of course) but she’s had trouble with this second child too. I feel Dd is an easy target as she’s quite timid and not as confident as some of her peers. I’m going to mention being concerned about Dd being an easy target in my email today! Some of the girls can be quite nasty too. I know kids will be kids but I just feel Dd is a bit of a pushover but she is also quite resilient having another brother with additional needs too (he’s not physically violent but he can be hard work).

See, I've ALWAYS felt that schools need more specialist support at playtimes.

Instead there are (generally lovely) underqualified people who want to do a good job but aren't taught how to manage play in an effective way.

There needs to be more of them generally. And I've always wondered why they're not encouraged to organise group games with the kids who might find it harder to fit in socially...some kids don't automatically join up with a best friend or a group of others. They'd probably love an organised game of something fun.

In your email can you also ask for an appointment to speak to the teacher?

This seems to be a more complicated situation than just the one child causing problems for your DD. And I would not say that your DD is an "easy target". But she is having a very rough time at school and not just with the one child, and even home doesn't sound that stress-free if her brother is "hard work".

My child unfortunately is the one who hits, bites, kicks, pushes over, throws things etc etc honestly lost count the incidents over the years, not just the pupils he targets but the staff too. Stressful for everyone involved.

He has 2-1 and is moving to special school in September (he’s in yr2, should of moved much sooner but no places and cannot magic a place out of thin air, he’s having to go to a school out of borough to secure him something)

He’s not allowed in the classroom at all, not allowed with any children at any time break / dinner. Not great and not at all inclusive but that’s what it takes to keep everyone safe then that’s what has to happen. I don’t want other children getting hurt and am always mortified when they have to phone me or grab me at the end of the day so I do understand why it’s like this.

In your boat I would be speaking to school ASAP.

Obviously speak to the teacher. Your poor DD 😣

If it was a one off then I would leave it but it appears a pattern has developed.

Gather your info and present it to the teacher.

Yes, raise with the school. The school should be pushing the LA for funding. Our LA are terrible about providing EHCPs and handing out any funding. It isn't the schools fault but there needs to be a trail of evidence of the safeguarding failures because of underfunding. Constant raising of issues will give the school ammunition to keep pushing the LA.

I moved my dd to a small village school a
Of 14 in a class. She is much happier

Definitely mention it. This poor boy needs more support.

On average, per class of 30, there's about 5 kids who could each do with 121 support.
At a population level, can we realistically expect government to fund 7 adults per class?

At a population level, it is never an absolute lack of funds and always a question of priorities. I would go so far as to say that any child growing up in our society deserves to go about their business of learning without being hit, pinched, kicked or having their things snatched away.

@arethereanyleftatall

Do you honestly disagree? Do you really allow this kind of disruptive behaviour in your classes?

Absolutely no, I don't tolerate it @FinallyHere
I agree with you, the ops dd should obviously absolutely be protected in the first instance.
So, without a 121, my only option would be to remove the perpetrator from the class, assuming my telling off whilst also looking after the other 29 wasn't sufficient.
But, then you're presented with the other side - that child is not getting the support or learning he needs either.

@Roob23

Thanks all. I am aware of funding being stretched in schools and I can sympathise. But at least 2 of them have ehcps. DS a couple years older is in the same school with a 1:1 TA and another Ta in his class with the teacher. I’m not sure why the year 1 class is so unsupported!

A EHCP doesn't mean a statement though and a statement always mean doesn't mean a 1:1.

I have huge sympathy for your child and I have sympathy for the teacher too. This is the result of a decade of underfunding in schools and absolutely diabolical provision for SEN children.

@arethereanyleftatall this is what you would do with a child with SEN ????
Jesus

@jessstan2 you clearly have zero knowledge of additional needs if you believe it’s as simple as this child learning not to.

“A EHCP doesn't mean a statement though and a statement always mean doesn't mean a 1:1.“

I don’t understand this comment at all. Ehcps replaced statements in England, statements no longer exist in England

@arethereanyleftatall

Regarding the funding and schools being underfunded. I'm a swimming teacher, and teach about 20 different classes of 30 per week (usually), new class each year. So, I see loads of different children. On average, per class of 30, there's about 5 kids who could each do with 121 support. At a population level, can we realistically expect government to fund 7 adults per class?

1. If the government provided early intervention when issues are first addressed, (typically pre-school) then some children would not require assistance as they got older. At the minute some children completely spiral so their behaviour is much more difficult to deal with.

1. Foundation/KS1 classes should have a teacher + 2 TAs. I have taught classes of 30+ which had children with SEN and without any assistance. I went home every day feeling useless, I couldn't provide what I felt was adequate provision to the children with SEN and as a result wasn't providing adequate learning for the other kids either.

Children with SEN should be assessed asap and help/interventions put in place soon thereafter. It is a chronic problem that needs addressed and if it isn't it will cost the government much much more down the libe.

Id have raised it much earlier if she is getting very upset by being hit, pinched, kicked, things snatched off her etc.