Child in DD’s class.

[Roob23]

Dd is nearly 6 and in year 1. There is a boy in her class with additional needs. Now before anyone jumps down my throat about writing this. My eldest child is autistic and has 1:1 at school so as a parent I full understand how hard this is. I’m not judging or blaming the boy or his parents maybe more the school for not supervising him.

Dd is a sensitive girl with some issues. She is speech delayed and young for her age she but despite this she generally loves school. But every day she comes home saying the said boy is hitting her, pinching her, kicking, snatching things off her etc. She gets very upset about this. She says she tells the teacher but they don’t seem to do anything about it.

As a parent of a child with additional needs I understand that this isn’t the boys fault BUT I feel like there should be more supervision.

I’ve always had concerns of the lack of staff in DD’s class. There’s at least 4 or 5 of them needing more support and supervision but often only one TA with the teacher. At lunch times they don’t seem to be fully supervised at all.

Aibu to bring this up with the school? I feel like a complete asshole as my own DS would be a bit of a handful in year 1 too (but never hit or kicked anyone as far as I’m aware). Dd is telling the teacher so maybe I should just leave it? But then the school don’t see the upset when she gets home about it.

Wwyd?

I wonder if they are doubling up the support with this boy and your child both having an ehcp.

We had this when mine was as in mainstream (thankfully we are now out of mainstream and in specialist). Mine had 32.5 hours ta but he has no learning needs, his needs are sensory and behavioural (asd) so his ehcp stated he needed constant monitoring so that an adult could intervene as frustration levels started to rise. There was a boy with dyslexia in the same class plus some other kids with learning needs and my sons ta was used to support them as school decided my fine at thst particular time. Then when his frustration levels did rise there was no ta to intervene as they were off helping other child. I know this parent complained about by son a lot, now he’s left and there is no ta in the class at all

@Morph2lcfc

“A EHCP doesn't mean a statement though and a statement always mean doesn't mean a 1:1.“

I don’t understand this comment at all. Ehcps replaced statements in England, statements no longer exist in England

Apologies, I'm in NI we have 5 stage IEPs with Stage 5 being a Statement. I thought EHCPs worked the same way.

This just in: children with special needs can just learn not to act that way. Wish I'd known this earlier!

OP you are not wrong to talk to the teacher but there may not be anything more that they can do other than separate his from his classmates entirely, which is not great. Sounds like they can't meet his needs but maybe they aren't willing to say that so his parents can move him, perhaps the parents won't entertain the fact he needs a different school or more support. His ehcp may not state 1:1 and schools are very good at getting around the wording on them, I suspect because they are expected to fund a lot of the cost and simply don't have it. On the other hand, the teacher may just not be fully aware of the extent of the issue. Worth a chat and glad you've decided to email re DD but remember the boy's circumstances are not your business. Hope DD is okay!

Speak to the school. Your input may actually provide the evidence that is needed for the school to be able to apply for more funding.

@MummytoCSJH baffled me aswell!! All this time, all I had to do was teach my son to simply stop doing things! Life changing.

@Saoirse7

A EHCP doesn't mean a statement though and a statement always mean doesn't mean a 1:1.

Statements are long gone...!

I would definitely talk to the teacher about it as they need to deal with this behaviour and the negative impact it has on your child.

I had a situation where a child was kicking my eldest in year 1. He didn’t want me to tell the teacher but I felt it was my mum role to pass it on. The teacher I passed it on to dealt with it straight away and it stopped.

The school will have a policy to deal with this and it will make them more aware.

You are not doing anything wrong in supporting and advocating for your child.

I would just give the facts and tell them how your child is feeling and not talk to much about the other child.

Good luck.

“@MummytoCSJH baffled me aswell!! All this time, all I had to do was teach my son to simply stop doing things! Life changing.“

Have you never seen thst meme “need help with parenting your child with asd? Ask a parent of a child without asd they have all the answers”

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@Saoirse7

A EHCP doesn't mean a statement though and a statement always mean doesn't mean a 1:1.

Statements are long gone...![/quote]
As I said up thread I'm in NI and we still use statements. I thought England was the same - my mistake!

[quote FuckyouBrennan]@arethereanyleftatall this is what you would do with a child with SEN ????
Jesus[/quote]
Would I remove a child who was hitting and punching a five year old from the situation, with no 121 help available? Damn right i would.

@OverTheRainbow88 I'm not saying the OP should accept their child being hit, but a number of people think that a school can magic up a 1:1 if a child has SEN, and that an EHCP will fully fund it

This is bullying and doesn’t matter that the bully has special needs as well. Your DD should be safe in school. Write the Headteacher with a list of the incidents of bullying you know to date. Then start keeping a diary of each day by asking your DD to report. The school should immediately take steps to speak with the bully and start monitoring and correcting his behaviour. Your DD should report the incidents slowing down and stopping within a month at the longest. Request a phone chat with the Headteacher once a week until it is resolved. Be prepared to write more letters with more incidents if they do not take it seriously. If you get to a 3rd letter with no progress/help, start courtesy copying the schools board of directors and Ofsted.

I suspect (TA) that lunch a playtimes are stretched thin. We actually don't have enough statutory adults but for some reason, it isn't an issue. And lunches are FAST and busy so it may not get seen by supervisors. The problem is that TA's and teachers are mandated a lunch break, but some schools don't allocate money for enough supervision at midday times. Bring it up with the teacher, absolutely.

My son has sn and I made sure funding was in place for him to have a ta before he started ms school. He has never done any of these things but needs help with his learning.... I believe very strongly children shouldn't be in ms if they are aggressive or don't have enough support to keep the other children safe . A child should not be subjected to this behaviour anymore than a woman should have to be in a abusive relationship .. I would complain to the head !

I've not read the comments.......

This is the thing. You have experience with SEN imagine all the other parents who don't and automatically go to the school claiming he's naughty. I left primary in 95 and looking back some of the naughty (mainly boys - sorry to say not being sexist it's just how it was) probably had additional needs.

@PlanDeRaccordement it’s not bullying. It’s a child with SEN. He is not a bully, he needs support & strategies to help manage his behaviour.

@arethereanyleftatall the fact you mention the 5 year old was to try and gain sympathy I’m sure. So back at ya...
You’d “tell off” in front of 29 other children, a 5 year old disabled child with special educational needs and then remove them? And you think that’s the best way to handle the situation?
Does your school not provide additional trainint?

“huuuuunnnndderrricks

My son has sn and I made sure funding was in place for him to have a ta before he started ms school. He has never done any of these things but needs help with his learning.... I believe very strongly children shouldn't be in ms if they are aggressive or don't have enough support to keep the other children safe . A child should not be subjected to this behaviour anymore than a woman should have to be in a abusive relationship .. I would complain to the head !“

Mine had an ehcp and funding in place in mainstream but it doesn’t mean the school always use the funding as it’s meant or do what’s in the ehcp. Mine had full time 1-1 In His ehcp, lots of times I suspected it wasn’t being given consistently but if school say it is you have no proof. Worst incident I walked in and my child was having a complete meltdown throwing things and the only adult there was his 1-1 along with two full classes so in excess of 50 kids being supervised by the 1-1. His 1-1 was supposed to assist in monitoring him so he doesn’t get to the point of throwing things how can they do this effectively if they are looking after 50 other kids.

This is bullying and doesn’t matter that the bully has special needs as well how is it bullying?? a child with SN might be also a bully, yes of course, but what in OP's posts made you think it was the case @PlanDeRaccordement ?
Most children with SN will hit as a defense mechanism when they feel attacked, misunderstood or stressed.

OP, not the conventional response, by have you tried telling your daughter to avoid this child at playtime? I assume they are not especially friends.

Definitely discuss with the school. This happened to my DD at a similar age. She was badly hurt by a classmate with additional needs. At this point, I personally didn’t care about the other childs additional needs and supervision requirements - I only cared about the impact this had had on my daughter and that she should never be put into a position whereby she was harmed by another child to such an extent.

@PlanDeRaccordement give over.

The child has sn and is obviously not having his needs met, even if he is having his needs met he could like my 7 year old still have the social and emotional age of a toddler and what is it that toddlers often do?

As they grow they emotionally mature and learn socially that it’s not how to behave, but it doesn’t quite work like that with ASD well not in my experience with my autistic son anyway.

So no, it doesn’t make the child a bully 🙄

Wow, PlanDeRaccordement, what a horrible comment. Yes op's dd shouldn't be a target of anyone, but calling a child with sen a bully? That's very wrong, imo.

This happened to my girl. I put her in short socks and took her to see headmaster. I asked him what his staff were going to do about the bruises on her legs. There were many bruises. I told him of the assaults did not stop I would call ss and the police to make an official complaint about the schools lack of care for my girl.. He soon sorted it, didn't want the bad PR.

SOME people are (NOT) experts on child behaviour & disability & are always able to tell other parents where they are going wrong
NEWSFLASH not every child or their issues or their disabilities are the fault of their parents. If your dc has mental health issues, learning disability, ASD or anything which affects the way their mind works & their ability to communicate means that the parents/carers have enormous hurdles to help & communicate & persuade dc to co-operate & understand what is expected.
Intensive & qualified assistance & supervision can however allow the dc to reach their potential & even stretch this beyond what is expected Not to do this is socially & educationally short sighted
Putting all SEN/Disabled dc in one group for support when some are timid & vulnerable & others are aggressive is wrong for both groups of dc - that is obvious & i say this as a parent of an adult child who was small & vulnerable like your daughter.
When contacting the office I always started with something like " Sorry to ring you but I am very concerned about my daughter (fill in gap - in your case -safety) Make friends with the Senco as well as the class teacher - do not overtly criticize staff (sometimes you have to do the - I am a bit puzzled about xxx I wonder if you can explain why? etc etc etc )
Many decades (yep!) of communicating with authority figures & educating myself of systems, specific issues & rights & charming my way as much as possible & filling in blessed forms
You don't sound an aggressive type to me op - - & if you phone always always confirm by email by saying "just to confirm what was said in our conversation?" (& click email arrived not email opened so you know they got it- they won't know you did that)

Hi OP, talk to the teacher in the first instance but also ask for a copy of the school's Complaints Procedure, together with their Bullying and Harassment Policy.

Follow the Complaints Procedure to the letter, it is there to protect all parties. Now, I can understand why some parents may think that the using the Bullying Policy may be overkill but SEND does not preclude children from being covered by it. Your child has a right to feel safe at school and the school has a duty to provide that environment for you.

When you talk to the teacher, explain what has happened and what actions you think will make that right.