Shit tips or genius life hacks that are fucking useless

[Stoppissingonmyheather]

I have just read the genius tips are the tops page of crap magazine and it really made me laugh.. Making useless tat out of pringle tubes and wrapping paper to clutter up the place aibu to ask you for your useless shit tips?

Making useless tat out of pringle tubes and wrapping paper to clutter up the place

It’s art attack for adults

I saw a recycling “tip” that involved saving all your milk cartons and making an igloo. Really fucking useful!

Don’t forget to use sanitary towels as slippers or as insoles for shoes!

Sparklesocks re the toothpaste treats. I guess your guests would be foaming .

@sammylady37

Don’t forget to use sanitary towels as slippers or as insoles for shoes!

Or vice versa, presumably?

@Sparklesocks

One of my faves - yummy!

I was going to say this! I think about it every time I buy Aquafresh 😂

I saw one recently where they said to fold up sheets of newspaper to make biodegradable plant pots for seedlings. I stupidly tried to do about five of them before I realised it just didn't fucking work and even if it had done, they would have fallen apart when I watered them.

Didn't Viz used to do these? One of my faves was 'Add a label to your house keys & write your address on it, with the times you'll be at home. That way if anyone finds it, they will know when to bring them back to you.'

@NotFabulousDarling

I saw one recently where they said to fold up sheets of newspaper to make biodegradable plant pots for seedlings. I stupidly tried to do about five of them before I realised it just didn't fucking work and even if it had done, they would have fallen apart when I watered them.

This one is actually one loads of people do.

I saw one recently where they said to fold up sheets of newspaper to make biodegradable plant pots for seedlings

I do this, as does nearly everyone on my allotment site. We get free copies of the Metro from someone who works at a nearby airport.

My favourite Top Tip was from the pages of Viz, about 30 years ago:

American organised crime leaders! On capturing the A Team, do not lock them in a shed full of tools and useful scrap materials.

That Facebook page 😂😂

Is it muddy outside but you dont want to take your shoes of when you come inside? Simply put socks on over the top of your shoes. Ignores that:

1. you would need big socks to pull on over your shoes
2. manouvering the socks on is in no way easy than just taking the damn shoes of
3. You have to take said socks of again when you go outside (unless of course you put a second pair of socks over the first pair. Just layer them up all day long)

Use a Stanley knife (US- Box Cutter) to slash your soft furnishings and take a piss behind your sofa so that people will think you have a cat.

@AndeanMountainCat

My favourite Top Tip was from the pages of Viz, about 30 years ago:

American organised crime leaders! On capturing the A Team, do not lock them in a shed full of tools and useful scrap materials.

On a similar note, another couple of my Viz favourites -

Bond Villains, upon capturing James Bond, just kill him.

Taxi drivers why not drive to a garage and ask them why your fucking indicators don't work.

The "Carly says" bit of the toothpaste one is the best! Covering their backs in case anyone sues for toothpaste poisoning.

The "Carly says" bit of the toothpaste one is the best! Covering their backs in case anyone sues for toothpaste poisoning.

Save money on expensive toothpaste by having all your teeth pulled out.

Viz top tips

www.google.com/search?sxsrf=ALeKk02y_niEIxRRgSD0cq6I6wQhPuz-Gg:1615464467372&source=univ&tbm=isch&q=viz+top+tips&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjS9-WNmqjvAhU0QhUIHY3rClEQjJkEegQIBhAB&biw=1600&bih=789

@sammylady37

Don’t forget to use sanitary towels as slippers or as insoles for shoes!

On a school ski trip many many years ago when pads were like mattresses they were part of our essential kit. Brilliant shin padding that sticks in place in awful ski boots!

It’s always “need flip flops or something to stop your underarms getting sweaty? Use a sanitary towel!”

@NotFabulousDarling

I saw one recently where they said to fold up sheets of newspaper to make biodegradable plant pots for seedlings. I stupidly tried to do about five of them before I realised it just didn't fucking work and even if it had done, they would have fallen apart when I watered them.

This one actually works, OH did it 50 years ago before the advent of the little brown seedling trays. The knack was not to over water them and pack them tightly in a plastic tray or the like to keep them upright.

@sammylady37

Don’t forget to use sanitary towels as slippers or as insoles for shoes!

Don’t they do that in prison?

When I was a kid, I saw this thing how you can take an empty hundreds and thousands pot and wrap it in wrapping paper to make a pen pot. I decided to make my mum a present of this, but unfortunately decided to wrap the final product in wrapping paper. So my mum removed all the wrapping paper and was quite confused why I was giving her an empty hundreds and thousands pot. So I cried that she was only supposed to remove the outer wrapping paper not the inner wrapping paper and I was most upset. My mum did salvage it as best she could and put it on her bedside cabinet for a while.

Those videos where they revamp clothes with scissors. Collar too tight ? Cut it off ! Long skirt too tight to walk ? Cut a long split in the side ! They always look so pleased with them as well.

On Super Scrimpers once, they suggested saving money on expensive sink unblocking fluid by cutting your dog’s old tennis ball in half and using it as a makeshift plunger.

Well, that was a complete write-off. For a start, I don’t even have a dog. Once I’d been to Battersea to rescue one, built a kennel, took it for all its vaccinations and had it neutered, taken our pet insurance and booked kennels for my next holiday, I’d already spent £1200 - and that’s without the tennis ball! Plus my sink had been blocked for three weeks! Wilko’s own brand sink unblocked is only £2.25! Talk about false economy. I was fuming.

@HarrietSchulenberg

You need the Take A Shite FB page in your life. The "use a pitta bread as am emergency clutch bag" was one of my favourites.

I might have seen you there